Does this phase Pass, 8 year old teenager :(

[weebun]

Hi, I have an 8 year old son who is 9 this weekend x He is a bright, doing really well in school, loving, caring boy on the whole with a good heart, he's a fab big brother, and he is loved by all...
He lives with me and his step dad and has been brought up by us for almost 5 years, he still sees his biological dad once a week for tea and every other weekend he spends there.
he has coped amazingly well through all the changes in his life, he has had upsets and wobbles over it all but he has always come out stronger with a real sensible and realistic approach to it all.
he really does know his own mind and knows himself very well.
He is sensitive and very much in touch with his emotions, always has been and once when I was worried about him I was told he has emotional anxiety, gets wound up very quickly and needs time to wind down and reasses before approaching the situation, or whatever has bothered him again.
HOWEVER
He had a growth spurt just after his sister was born... grew, lost all his little boy chub off his face and became older looking went from little boy to young boy so quickly...now we have "kevin the teenager" defiant, disobedient, rude, answers back, gives back chat, argues everything... wont do a thing we ask him to do, wants to fester in his room constantly!!! and live in a pig sty of a bedroom he shows nothing but disrespect for our rules and boundaries and discipline, it is a constant battle and is the cause of any upset in our home at the minute, his mood flips within seconds depending on if he likes how the conversation is going or not,and if you reply in a way he is not happy with, he flips! he drags his heels doing anything. This morning was the final straw, his step dad gave him a right telling off as the disobedience tipped over the edge.... he is now grounded and there is no Kids TV channel no gaming, or computer time and no ipod or DS all of which we limit anyway because if we let him he would be on them all, all day, and I won't let him... but we have decided from now on tough love..... there is also a smell like cat pee in his room, yet no signs of him weeing or anything anywhere and no rotting food or drinks...I have cleaned the whole place. sometimes I smell it on him too.. a friend of mine says its a hormone smell... I don't get that!!!!!

Has anyone been through something similar at this age, I swear he is hormonal.... The lovely boy I know seems to only be around in fleeting glimpses.....I miss him x Just any advice on how to handle him or discipline him other than what we are doing, or how best to tackle this period of time would be great,

sorry for long rant, but I had to paint the full picture

 

[aymz1983]

I think it could be partly growth spurt, but you also said it happened after his sister was born, so maybe thats a reason? however, saying that, my 9 year old can be a right moody arse - gone are the days he wants to spend time with his mum, and play with me, now he just wants to sit in his room, play his xbox or watch tv, and when he gets in a mood, he gets in a right bitch, shouting, slamming doors, going on about how he hates us, how he's going to pack his bags, not listening when we try and talk etc. They can get surges of hormones, which prpbably explains the teenage feeling :/
as for smells...perhaps its the beginnings of whats to come? im trying to get mine to start having a shower every morning now, as i think he's coming to the stage where things develop more, and that 'boy' smell starts appearing. although trying is the key word there lol. cat pee smells very different from human pee, so i wouldnt worry too much that it could be him. Are you attached to a house next door/ not being funy, but we thought my son smelled once when he had a bout of constipation - it was a sweet yet sickly smell, thought it was..build up shall we say lol. Turns out, it was my neighbours smoking weed in the bedroom which was adjacent to his :/
I do recommend though taking him out just you and him, somewhere that he would enjoy, and perhaps halfway through, perhaps over lunch, try and dig a little and try and see if anything bothering him, its suprising how open kids can be one on one. Hope this help x

 

[student80]

Teenage years are difficult to fathom, not just by parents but teenagers themselves.
It has become a constant battle ground for you and your son- it seems more like who wants to win this round than bring peace.
I know parents always try to do their best and want their kids to be disciplined but it goes a long way if you just sit down and talk with them than telling them what to do or what not to do.
THey know if they defy you, it will get to you and their mission will be accomplished.
So point is to try and be friends, and see what the boy is feeling. Parents think boys do not like to talk. THey do.
Just talk to him and ask what he is feeling. Give him time and space. Treat him like he is responsible. And he will start feeling responsible.

 

[weebun]

Thank you both. xx just reading back over my origingal post,, have to say yes he has been brought up by me and my partner together for 5 years but he has been with me all his life .... it reads like I've only had him with me 5 years LOL x just to put that straight xx
He is 9 today x and I made a point of getting my mum to look after baby while we went out with him to do the things he had asked to do for his birthday, I just didn't want baby stuff getting in the way like she needs a feed or she needs a nappy change, just wanted the day to be his special day, all about him. He has enjoyed it, and after doing what he wanted to do with us he is going around to stay with his dad and dads side of the family so he can spend time with them also.
We have had a really good time with him since my first post, we have really clamped down on discipline and we mean what we say, but still given him some room to move and compromise, as in he's asking to play out more where we live as we have not lived here that long, and he is not starting to make new friends and that has made a big difference to him and got him out of his room a bit, so we meet half way on stuff and we have talked loads,its still not great but there is improvement. I do want to keep the boundaries and lines of discipline in place, because he does walk all over them if he thinks he can.
As for the smell I helped him sort his room and I gave it a good going over etc LOL, the smell is there a little but not as bad but the window is open alot!
I have noticed his hair is becoming more greasy and he seems to have developed dandruff really bad, I thought he may have caught nits again from school because the school he goes to is just not hard on parents who don't treat their kids, but no lice, nothing just dry skin and dandruff. I have been checking his head every day twice a day and no nits or lice, for sure, LOL, He has had more showers,we are not at every day yet but getting there. His mood and attitude is still there but we talk to him more now, ask the questions let him know he can talk to us etc and he is very honest with us. as we are with him.
fingers crossed it will continue to improve, I know we will still have ups and downs, as kids do, but hopefully now we are moving in the right direction.

 

[motherofboys]

I just wanted to say my son is the same but his 6.
Even his aunt whos children are now 19 and 21 admitted to thinking we had been over reacting, but seeing him in action he is exactly like a teenager. His other cousin (uncles son) is 16 and the two of them are so alike its unreal.
His moody, over emotional, has a lot of mouth and back chat, thinks he knows more than any one else. He even stomps up stairs and slams the door behind him!!!
I don't have any answers, if I did I'd have solved it with my son by now.
I do know that in the past when his been worse than usual it was because of a bullying problem. Another time it was because he felt pushed out, he didnt have enough time with his Dad and his 4 year old brother is a real handful and such a Daddies boy that he takes up most of my husbands time.
We are working on things though. He has a special time for just him and Daddy. He wanted to learn to play guitar so we got him his own mini guitar and a childrens learn to play book and his Dad knows how to play anyway so thats their time.
We have told him when he feels really angry and wants to scream and shout and hit that he can 'beat up' a big teddy they have thats almost as big as he is! I know some people might not agree with it but its better than him lashing out at his brother. We try to stay calm, iits so easy to loose it and shout back. Take him to the side and try to talk to him, tell him its ok to feel angry but I need to know why so I can help. And if he wants to be alone then let him and keep the others away from him until his ready to come back to us. I don't know what else we can do and if theres anything in there that you might feel will help with your son

 

[weebun]

Hi thank you for your reply, things are a lot better, we do let him have time in his room and he has more time alone with me and my partner now with both or one of us, because you're right the youngest always takes up the time. It did turn out that the time with his dad wasn't quality time, it's spent alot of time while he is there every other weekend around the whole of that side of the family, which my son loves but then his dad would take him to see friends and such, and My son just wants time on his own with his dad, and I have told him it is important for him to have time just him and his dad and to tell his dad if he just wants it sometimes to be just him and his dad, and the same with us, it is easier for us to make times like that because he understands better how are lives have to fit in around work and home and things, but I am glad we got to the bottom of one of his issues, he also is upset that he said he doesnt see his dad enough because he is always around other people with him. we have always said he can see his dad as much as he likes and just ask and I can get on the phone to his dad to sort something out. but once he gets over the tears he rarely asks only at school holiday times will he go extra, what he is aware of now I think which has been my issue since me and his dad separated and divorced is that if we don't instigate extra time on-top of the normal access, his dad or that side of the family never ring to speak to him or ask to see him extra or have him over for the night or offer to take him anywhere. like other grandparents do like my parents do with him. which i find annoying and odd, they just wait till he is with his dad. It must really hurt his feelings x
other than that the difference in him is much better, getting there, not perfect and not yet great by any means, but whose kids and lives are? it's life,it's growing up, at least now its past the stage where it was upsetting the whole atmosphere in the house.

xxx

 

[motherofboys]

I am pleased to hear things have improved so much, like you say nothing is ever perfect and no one is perfect, but at least things are better than they were