Does your LO stay with you every Christmas?

[CoralInGold]

Last year, my ex partner & I decided that we would take it in turns each Christmas to have our LO, it breaks my heart to think of Christmas without her but I was just trying to be fair & felt it would benefit LO spending time with her Dad & his family around the holidays. This was however, when he was being civil and mature towards me. This year he has changed. He only sees LO when he feels like it, once overnight every two weeks I would say, it used to be once overnight a week.

We currently have a family based arrangement regarding child maintinance, meaning it's not going through CSA (just yet). He pays this late every month, I've still not received this months & he still refuses to set up a bank transfer so it just comes straight out of his bank account & into mine on a set day. He will give it to me face to face & as I said, its always late.

My question is, I feel as though he is being unreasonable & selfish & just can't really be bothered to spend time with our LO anymore. I don't feel he deserves to have her at Christmas now & if he does actually want to see her then he is welcome to come over & see her Christmas Day or spend Boxing Day with her?

Thanks for reading & any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[Kayley]

Both my DD's fathers are very active in their lives, to the extent we have 50/50 contact each.

The arrangement with my eldest DD (who is 10 now) has always been I have them Christmas Eve and up until around 2pm Christmas Day then she will go to her dad until about 4pm Boxing Day.

Last year was the first Christmas I was single and so we had the same arrangement with my youngest DD and her dad.
However, last year DD2 dad said he wanted the arrangement the other way round this year (and to be honest I know this is a fair way for it to be!) however I am dreading it!! To wake up on Christmas Day without my daughters will devastate me, it would quite literally be one of the most testing days for me yet. I kind of hope he will change his mind and let me have her! I can only hope.

Your situation is different as it sounds like you have majority of the parental responsibility - so put your foot down and dictate to him like he is doing with the maintenance xx

 

[tallybee]

Fob isn't around so this doesn't come up for us, but I can truthfully say that if he were a good father/decent human being, he'd share occasions as well as ordinary days.

 

[minties]

"He doesn't deserve"...I think it needs to be about LO and what they deserve.

As a child of divorce, I didn't really understand the adult politics at the time and just wanted to stay with my dad. I had a vague idea that he let us down and he wasn't paying mum properly, but I loved him and would feet resentment to mum now if she had stopped me going to stay.

 

[CoralInGold]

My daughter is only four, she is yet to ask to spend Christmas Day with her Dad, & if she did, I would never dream of standing in the way of that, I want her to have a relationship with her Father. I asked the question I did because of his recent attitude and immaturity towards me, I think it's a big thing for him to spend Christmas Day with her when he only really sees her when he feels like it.

I will always have my daughters best interests.

 

[Kayley]

My daughter is only four, she is yet to ask to spend Christmas Day with her Dad, & if she did, I would never dream of standing in the way of that, I want her to have a relationship with her Father. I asked the question I did because of his recent attitude and immaturity towards me, I think it's a big thing for him to spend Christmas Day with her when he only really sees her when he feels like it.

I will always have my daughters best interests.

I agree with you! Christmas Day is a massive deal to most people and not something that can be biffed away easily!
Yes your children should come first but to the extent you will be worried sick and upset all day yourself!? She would have just as good a day with you!!

I am also a child of divorce and being with my mum on Christmas Day has given me so many magical memories!! My dad wasn't active in my life back then and although I knew he was around it didn't bother me that I didn't see him on Christmas Day. I saw him Boxing Day and even then I used to get bored out my mind!

To be honest when you're a child Christmas is all about opening presents up any way ha x

 

[Proserpina]

By our joint parenting agreement, I get the children for Christmas Eve and Christmas day on even years. He gets the children for Christmas Eve and Christmas day on odd years. The schedule is:

New Year's Eve - Him even, Me odd
New Year's Day - Him odd, Me even
Easter - Me odd, Him even
4th of July - Me odd, Him even
Halloween - Him odd, Me even
Thanksgiving - Me odd, Him even
Christmas Eve & Christmas Day - Me even, Him odd

Ex has voluntarily declined to ask to rotate for Memorial Day weekend, Labor Day weekend, Spring Break, or Winter Break.

The courts here stress that visitation should never be withheld due to poor child support payment, nor should child support be withheld due to fights over visitation. It's all about what is in the best interest of the child, and the courts hold that it's in the best interest of the child to be raised by two parents, to receive financial support from two parents, and to spend time with two parents. So long as there isn't something about one parent that would make him/her dangerous to the child (like drug addiction), they have rights to the child.

So, I would say, even if your ex is bad about child support and bad about making his other visitations, he still has the right to have your daughter for Christmas if he wants her. I would just suck it up and turn her over for Christmas.

I know that's hard to deal with, and I'm sorry. I'm not looking forward to losing my kids for Thanksgiving this year or for Christmas next year, but that's what I get for breeding with a loser asshole.

 

[Foogirl]

"He doesn't deserve"...I think it needs to be about LO and what they deserve.

As a child of divorce, I didn't really understand the adult politics at the time and just wanted to stay with my dad. I had a vague idea that he let us down and he wasn't paying mum properly, but I loved him and would feet resentment to mum now if she had stopped me going to stay.

I agree with this, it's not about what he deserves. LO should have the chance to spend with her dad. Why not ask if he wants to have her on Christmas Eve and you can pick her up for christmas dinner?

 

[Ceejay123]

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[taylor197878]

I have the kids on xmas and my ex has them on boxing day we both came up with that arragment through the lawyers... athough he does drop by on xmas day to c them and a don't stop it...

anno its hard not having the little one on xmas every other year ask him if there is someway yous can work something out for xmas day...

 

[Lauraxamy]

2012 I had them Christmas Day until the evening then their Dad picked them up Christmas night and he had them boxing day until the evening.
2013 I had them Christmas Eve, Christmas morning their Dad picked them up Christmas late afternoon until Boxing day.
What we do varies depending on our individual plans each year.
To be honest I hate having to 'share' them around Christmas time and like your FOB mine can be a big pain, in fact he didn't see them for a long time previous to some of this and he can let me down a lot but he's still their Dad and they love him to bits so I understand that it's important to see their Dad and his family at Christmas time as well.

 

[Quackquack99]

Ive made it clear that i do want summer Christmas morning and then give her Christmas lunch and then about 3ish she goes to her dads til boxing day or the day after. It would kill me not to spend any part of Christmas with her x

 

[Rickles]

When I was a kid we always split it - Xmas Eve and Christmas Day until 6pm with Mum, Christmas Day Night and Boxing Day with Dad.

Now we are MUCH older we tend to just see Mum Xmas Day, Dad Boxing Day... we also alternate with our various in laws so do a "home" then an "away" Christmas on alternate years.

I agree with the others I don't think you should link Christmas Day and payments & generally being a prick.

 

[Natsku]

We alternate. I get her one year and he gets her the next. He had her last year so I just celebrated Christmas the weekend before, meal, presents everything. Its just a day, it doesn't have to be the 24th/25th that you celebrate.

I wouldn't want Maria to miss out on having Christmas with her dad, and even though he annoys the hell out of me and is a pretty terrible person sometimes, I wouldn't want him missing out on Christmas with his daughter either.

I'm not sharing her birthday with him though - he didn't push her out of his vagina so he has less right to that day!