Don't know what to do?

[JessicaaJadex]

So today my ex-boyfriend (FOB) has decided to delete me from facebook, block me on instagram and Twitter, as well as block my number (now he has the new IOS 7) without any explanation as to why. This means i have absolutely no way of contacting him about his son. What do I do?

I cant update him on appointments (I have 3 extra scans because they're worried about baby's growth), or even contact him when I go into labour. I'm so angry, and feel like there is no one in a situation similar to mine.

Also, does anyone know what rights he will have when the baby is born? I'm worried that he's suddenly going to demand to have his child without me being there- which I do not want because he constantly smokes/drinks and his parents are alcoholics- and I won't have any means of stopping him.

Any advice/past experience would help a lot!

 

[x__amour]

That's absolutely disgusting, I'm so sorry. I don't know how different it is but here in the US if they're not on the birth certificate they don't have any rights whatsoever until they establish paternity.

Sorry he's being such a prick.

 

[JayMari]

I agree with pp. don't put him on the birth certificate. Also, if he doesn't want to be in his sons life... HE'S The one missing out. Woman are built for this, you can do this without him Hun.

 

[ClairAye]

I don't know how it works but I wouldn't put him on the birth certificate. That's awful but it's his loss!

Stay strong, mama

 

[JessicaaJadex]

Thankyou ladies, glad to hear I'm not the only one who thinks it's disgusting!

He told me to leave him off the birth certificate anyway, because apparently I just want his money (I haven't asked for a penny from him, and have bought everything myself). It just breaks my heart knowing that my baby has such a poor excuse of a 'father'. He definitely won't be on the birth certificate now, he's pushed me too far!

 

[x__amour]

Does he have to be on the birth certificate to pay child support where you live?

 

[MummyMana]

If he doesn't attend when you register the baby his name can't be on the birth certificate anyway.

Regarding child support, I don't actually know how it works but I should think if he's paying for a child he should have a right to contact with the child...

 

[lov3hat3]

The whole way through my first pregnancy me and FOB weren't in contact as he was an ass about my decision to keep the baby. I didn't contact him for appointments or when I went into labour. I contacted him after, he came to see him, everything was fine. He had him during the day on sundays after he was a month old. When he was 2 months old he asked to have him over night, I wasn't sure but I agreed. Then he took him to a house party where he drank vodka while "watching" my son. One of his friends (who didn't like me anyway) rung me to tell me he was drunk and was out with my 2 month old son in the middle of the night. Needless to say I went storming round there and took my son home, and I cut of contact with him. He didn't bother trying to see him, I registered him without FOB on the birth certificate. He technically had no rights whatsoever. When he was 10 months old I contacted the CSA and they made him pay child support after a DNA test that he had to pay for because obviously Jamie was his. This set him off and he got a solicitor to right me a crappy letter, I did the same. We had a few options one was to go to mediation. Which we did, sat in a room with some man and basically came up with a supervised schedule which he had to keep to.

So basically if FOBS not on the birth certificate, he doesn't have any rights. He cant come round and demand he takes your son somewhere without you there. If he did go get a solicitor and whatever you only have to agree to what makes YOU feel comfortable. It was a very long time until FOB had Jamie by himself unsupervised because that's what I was comfortable with. I wouldn't worry. If he doesn't want to bother at all before or after you have your baby then that's his loss. Its hard doing it on your own but its definatly worth it and a lot less stressful having to deal with all that! Also fob still had to pay money to Jamie and he wasn't on the birth certificate

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Its different in the US then it is in the UK, you dont get jack for support unless he is on the birth certificate, and even if he is, he cannot just come and take your child from you. However, in this case, id just cut your losses. You and your son deserve better!

 

[JessicaaJadex]

Thanks for the advice girls, helped put my mind at ease! No he doesn't need to be on the birth certificate to pay child support, but to be honest I'd rather him not pay it- I'm financially able to support both me and my child already, and it will just cause more arguments in the long run (he likes to hold everything against me).

And lov3hat3 - I've just realised we probably live round the corner from each other (I live in Poole). Small world!

 

[girlnboots]

Sounds like he needs a good punch to the crotch.

Good luck, dear.

 

[JessicaaJadex]

Sounds like he needs a good punch to the crotch.

Good luck, dear.

Hahaha I agree! Thank you!

 

[mstennischick]

atleast make that dirt bag pay child support

 

[lov3hat3]

Oh really Definatly is small

 

[Mummy1995]

Please don't put him on the birth certificate. I'd try to ignore him and cut him out. Although he seems to have done that already!

Once baby is here file for child support. In UK you can get it without them being on birth certificate it just takes a bit longer! And he will have no rights to your baby either. With most I'd say give him a chance, but it doesn't sound like he wants one! X

 

[xZoeyx]

I too live in Bournemouth lol.

I would be very careful about this as there are a lot more stipulations than meet the eye with how contact works, it's not as easy as just not having him on birth certificate. Go to your local advice place and get proper legal advice if you want to do things properly.

He doesn't deserve to play a part if he can't do it now. He obviously has a lot more growing up to do first!

 

[JessicaaJadex]

I too live in Bournemouth lol.

I would be very careful about this as there are a lot more stipulations than meet the eye with how contact works, it's not as easy as just not having him on birth certificate. Go to your local advice place and get proper legal advice if you want to do things properly.

He doesn't deserve to play a part if he can't do it now. He obviously has a lot more growing up to do first!

Do you know where the best place would be to get this legal advice? He is now telling me that he is going to take me to court if I don't let him see his child, but is refusing to see him with me being present. I'm literally at breaking point, he is so manipulative and a nasty piece of work.

I'm happy to do some sort of supervised visitation, but I couldn't live with myself if I were to leave him alone with my son- and this isn't for any sort of spiteful reasons, i'm worried for the safety of my son. First of all, he's a major chain smoker, and smokes constantly during the day. He drinks A LOT and becomes very aggressive when under the influence. He has also been known to take drugs whilst he goes out into town, simply because he's been egged on by his irresponsible friends. He doesn't have a job and can't drive, and he lives with his parents (which is fine because I still live with my mum), but the problem is that his parents are alcoholics, and can drink 2 bottles of wine between them every night. What worries me is that if something were to happen in their care, how could they possibly do anything about it? I don't drink, and neither does my mum, so if something were to happen we'd be able to see to my baby's needs immediately.

I just don't know how to deal with this anymore, i feel like i'm not going to have a choice but to watch my son go into his care, knowing its unsafe. It's reducing me to tears and I can't sleep anymore. I wish there was more I could do

 

[xZoeyx]

I too live in Bournemouth lol.

I would be very careful about this as there are a lot more stipulations than meet the eye with how contact works, it's not as easy as just not having him on birth certificate. Go to your local advice place and get proper legal advice if you want to do things properly.

He doesn't deserve to play a part if he can't do it now. He obviously has a lot more growing up to do first!

Do you know where the best place would be to get this legal advice? He is now telling me that he is going to take me to court if I don't let him see his child, but is refusing to see him with me being present. I'm literally at breaking point, he is so manipulative and a nasty piece of work.

I'm happy to do some sort of supervised visitation, but I couldn't live with myself if I were to leave him alone with my son- and this isn't for any sort of spiteful reasons, i'm worried for the safety of my son. First of all, he's a major chain smoker, and smokes constantly during the day. He drinks A LOT and becomes very aggressive when under the influence. He has also been known to take drugs whilst he goes out into town, simply because he's been egged on by his irresponsible friends. He doesn't have a job and can't drive, and he lives with his parents (which is fine because I still live with my mum), but the problem is that his parents are alcoholics, and can drink 2 bottles of wine between them every night. What worries me is that if something were to happen in their care, how could they possibly do anything about it? I don't drink, and neither does my mum, so if something were to happen we'd be able to see to my baby's needs immediately.

I just don't know how to deal with this anymore, i feel like i'm not going to have a choice but to watch my son go into his care, knowing its unsafe. It's reducing me to tears and I can't sleep anymore. I wish there was more I could do

Don't go through this alone. I'm here and so are all the girls on this page. I'm not a teen so probably shouldn't be posting here, I'm 23. But I couldn't help it as a lot of the advice you have been given here isn't fully correct. A parent will always have visitation rights unless the courts can prove they are a danger to the child. The plus side is you CAN opt to always be present at visitations and neither the court nor the father can say different unless of course you become a danger to the child, and again, the court would have to prove this.

The mother always has been and always will be the favourable parent for the child to reside with unless it can be proved that as I say, you are deemed an "unfit mother".

It's very VERY in depth, if you wanted to refuse access outright you would have to go through a hell of a lot, and in my personal opinion the child deserves a chance to have a dad, unless he proves he is totally incapable and is causing more harm than good.

Your local CAB will help you with everything, I'm not sure where your nearest is, mine would be Bournemouth but I imagine they have one in Poole? I could google it if you like.

If you need anything, I'm only a PM away.

 

[JessicaaJadex]

I too live in Bournemouth lol.

I would be very careful about this as there are a lot more stipulations than meet the eye with how contact works, it's not as easy as just not having him on birth certificate. Go to your local advice place and get proper legal advice if you want to do things properly.

He doesn't deserve to play a part if he can't do it now. He obviously has a lot more growing up to do first!

Do you know where the best place would be to get this legal advice? He is now telling me that he is going to take me to court if I don't let him see his child, but is refusing to see him with me being present. I'm literally at breaking point, he is so manipulative and a nasty piece of work.

I'm happy to do some sort of supervised visitation, but I couldn't live with myself if I were to leave him alone with my son- and this isn't for any sort of spiteful reasons, i'm worried for the safety of my son. First of all, he's a major chain smoker, and smokes constantly during the day. He drinks A LOT and becomes very aggressive when under the influence. He has also been known to take drugs whilst he goes out into town, simply because he's been egged on by his irresponsible friends. He doesn't have a job and can't drive, and he lives with his parents (which is fine because I still live with my mum), but the problem is that his parents are alcoholics, and can drink 2 bottles of wine between them every night. What worries me is that if something were to happen in their care, how could they possibly do anything about it? I don't drink, and neither does my mum, so if something were to happen we'd be able to see to my baby's needs immediately.

I just don't know how to deal with this anymore, i feel like i'm not going to have a choice but to watch my son go into his care, knowing its unsafe. It's reducing me to tears and I can't sleep anymore. I wish there was more I could do

Don't go through this alone. I'm here and so are all the girls on this page. I'm not a teen so probably shouldn't be posting here, I'm 23. But I couldn't help it as a lot of the advice you have been given here isn't fully correct. A parent will always have visitation rights unless the courts can prove they are a danger to the child. The plus side is you CAN opt to always be present at visitations and neither the court nor the father can say different unless of course you become a danger to the child, and again, the court would have to prove this.

The mother always has been and always will be the favourable parent for the child to reside with unless it can be proved that as I say, you are deemed an "unfit mother".

It's very VERY in depth, if you wanted to refuse access outright you would have to go through a hell of a lot, and in my personal opinion the child deserves a chance to have a dad, unless he proves he is totally incapable and is causing more harm than good.

Your local CAB will help you with everything, I'm not sure where your nearest is, mine would be Bournemouth but I imagine they have one in Poole? I could google it if you like.

If you need anything, I'm only a PM away.

No, thank you so much for being able to answer my questions. I've been going out of my mind recently. I'm glad you have told me this, because i begun to doubt myself when he told me that I wouldn't have a choice when it comes to supervised visitations, but knowing that i will always have a choice whether to be present or not has made things a lot easier for me.

I very much doubt they would be able to deem me an unfit mother- I have a job, I will be going back to college, I don't drink alcohol or smoke full stop (i've never been interested in going out) and I have a safe environment for my child to live in.

I will google 'CAB' now and see what I can find, but hopefully i'll be able to get some advice from the parenting group I attend, on friday. Thank you so much for your help, it's times like this when i'm glad I have this group to turn to!

 

[xZoeyx]

I too live in Bournemouth lol.

I would be very careful about this as there are a lot more stipulations than meet the eye with how contact works, it's not as easy as just not having him on birth certificate. Go to your local advice place and get proper legal advice if you want to do things properly.

He doesn't deserve to play a part if he can't do it now. He obviously has a lot more growing up to do first!

Do you know where the best place would be to get this legal advice? He is now telling me that he is going to take me to court if I don't let him see his child, but is refusing to see him with me being present. I'm literally at breaking point, he is so manipulative and a nasty piece of work.

I'm happy to do some sort of supervised visitation, but I couldn't live with myself if I were to leave him alone with my son- and this isn't for any sort of spiteful reasons, i'm worried for the safety of my son. First of all, he's a major chain smoker, and smokes constantly during the day. He drinks A LOT and becomes very aggressive when under the influence. He has also been known to take drugs whilst he goes out into town, simply because he's been egged on by his irresponsible friends. He doesn't have a job and can't drive, and he lives with his parents (which is fine because I still live with my mum), but the problem is that his parents are alcoholics, and can drink 2 bottles of wine between them every night. What worries me is that if something were to happen in their care, how could they possibly do anything about it? I don't drink, and neither does my mum, so if something were to happen we'd be able to see to my baby's needs immediately.

I just don't know how to deal with this anymore, i feel like i'm not going to have a choice but to watch my son go into his care, knowing its unsafe. It's reducing me to tears and I can't sleep anymore. I wish there was more I could do

Don't go through this alone. I'm here and so are all the girls on this page. I'm not a teen so probably shouldn't be posting here, I'm 23. But I couldn't help it as a lot of the advice you have been given here isn't fully correct. A parent will always have visitation rights unless the courts can prove they are a danger to the child. The plus side is you CAN opt to always be present at visitations and neither the court nor the father can say different unless of course you become a danger to the child, and again, the court would have to prove this.

The mother always has been and always will be the favourable parent for the child to reside with unless it can be proved that as I say, you are deemed an "unfit mother".

It's very VERY in depth, if you wanted to refuse access outright you would have to go through a hell of a lot, and in my personal opinion the child deserves a chance to have a dad, unless he proves he is totally incapable and is causing more harm than good.

Your local CAB will help you with everything, I'm not sure where your nearest is, mine would be Bournemouth but I imagine they have one in Poole? I could google it if you like.

If you need anything, I'm only a PM away.

No, thank you so much for being able to answer my questions. I've been going out of my mind recently. I'm glad you have told me this, because i begun to doubt myself when he told me that I wouldn't have a choice when it comes to supervised visitations, but knowing that i will always have a choice whether to be present or not has made things a lot easier for me.

I very much doubt they would be able to deem me an unfit mother- I have a job, I will be going back to college, I don't drink alcohol or smoke full stop (i've never been interested in going out) and I have a safe environment for my child to live in.

I will google 'CAB' now and see what I can find, but hopefully i'll be able to get some advice from the parenting group I attend, on friday. Thank you so much for your help, it's times like this when i'm glad I have this group to turn to!

Your CAB is your "Council Advice Beureu" (possible spelling mistake there!).

I imagine there is one in Poole, they are everywhere. It wouldn't even matter if you smoked or drank once in a while, to be deemed unfit you have to be a drug user or have no suitable living premises, or be considered an alcoholic, and there is a few other things that could deem you unfit, money is normally never anything to do with it, and since you live with a parent that will too go in your favour.

No point crying over him because it's your Son too and you will sort this out one way or another.