Don't Know What To Do...

[LilDreamy]

Long story short... I guess... since I really don't have the heart strength to say the whole story...

The F2B of my baby girl, has cheated on me twice before... continued to lie to me and tell me he wasn't even though I had 1,000 % proof. Being that the girl he was cheating on me with, talked to me everyday about everything he does and says. I was trying to be there as her support system, but it was only tearing me down. Then I found an E-mail to another woman, that I noticed he had become really close with, claiming she was just a work friend. But they would stay out late nights together, "working out" or "playing raquete ball". The e-mail said "baby I miss you"

I knew he was cheating on me. But never could let go. I loved him more than life itself.

Luckily we both got a job in a different location(a whole different country thank God) from those two women.

It's been a year now, and our relationship has been booming. Other than the fact I had found out he had three other baby momma's that he never told me about. (I found out by snooping, which I wish I never did).

I didn't really let myself get upset about it. I only asked him why he never told me, and he said he was afraid of what I would think... even though he knows me better than that... I don't know what his true reason was from not telling me.

Anyways, we've been a year strong so far from a 3 year relationship. Last year he told me we would be getting married in July... next month, but now it's not going to happen.. why? I don't know. I thought we were doing great. Especially since I have a beautiful baby girl on the way.

Anyways... things seem to be going wrong once again. Not between the two of us. We're doing good. We never fight and we both show each other the same amount of affection and he acts excited about baby.

But... something came up. And it made me sick to my stomach and my heart ached like none other...

He went back to the states yesterday, and before he left I asked him a question, I said, "Be honest with me, and please don't get mad... but does there happen to be a baby momma back in the states back home, that you're going to see?" and he explained to me that there wasn't. I believed him, only because I didn't want myself to go into that heartachy feeling of worrying.

Well about 15 minutes ago, I noticed he wrote on his face book that he was heading back home. That was ok... but a reply he got nearly made me faint with sorrow.

A woman that I know is one of the mothers of his child said something along the lines of... "Were both so ready to see you and enjoy the blessing of having you here with us. I love you #1 BD : )~"

and he had said... "You will always be my #1 BM! I'll always have your back!"

And before all that she had said, "I love you #1 bd lol : )~ and im glad your in our life.... its an amazing gift"


Please tell me I'm over re-acting... and misunderstanding what is being said???

Does #1 BD = #1 Best Dad
&
Does #1 BM = #1 Best Mom????

And does it sound like they're still together... or he's leading her on that they're together?
And is he going there to see her/them??? Like he told me he wasn't??

I know for a fact if he ever see's her it's only maybe once a year. Since She lives in a different country and I know when he leaves.

I don't mind if he goes home to see his son. If anything I want him to be in his son's life, but I don't want him in her life at all. I don't want him telling her he loves her, and I don't want her telling him she loves him. She acts as if they're still together. And he's untrustworthy... but I honestly feel I can't live without him, and I'm scared my whole life I'm going to be worrying about who he's seeing... I just keep praying to God he's going to change. In person he's the most perfect loving man in the world. But he has the deepest darkest secrets, that I don't even know who he is anymore.

I'm I throwing this whole conversation out of proportion? Or what do you ladies think this all means?

Be honest with me...

Oh yea... And should I ask him about it? If I do... he usually get's raging mad, ignores me for days and says something along the lines of Me being the worste mistake of his life...

 

[LittleMadam]

Honey,

I really don't think you should take any more of his crap. You and baby are never going to be number 1 for him. And you deserve to be. Get rid of him before you lose anymore of your self-respect and esteem.

I am sorry if harsh but he is never going to change. He has gotten other women pregnant in the past, has left them, and now it is your turn. Tbh, judging by your post, he's started to cheat on you already.

If you can live with him sleeping with other women then go for it. But if you cannot, then let him go, focus on yourself and baby, and build a life without him.

I, sincerely, hope things work out for you and LO.

 

[LilDreamy]

Thank you for your response.

It's like my heart is torn in two. Half says to let him go and the other half tells me to never let go.

Instead of trying to suit my feelings, now I really need to put baby first and what's best for baby. And honestly... I don't know what's best for the baby.

Is it best for her to have her father in her life... or is it better if she didn't?
I don't have any doubt in my mind that he will be a great father... I just know he won't be a great husband.

Maybe... by the grace of God I could find a man that could pick up that fatherly roll... I'm just not sure another man would want to be with me... I guess that's everyone womans fear?

Thank you again for your response.

 

[Laura2919]

I am sorry but I think you should tell him where to go! He is playing you for a fool! Time and time you have accepted the way he is and thats never going to change. Its time you walked away!
Let him have all the fun he wants to have and one day you will meet someone who would never want to do that to you!

 

[mamashakesit]

These guys must really think women are complete and utter idiots! How does he think that you won't find out when he writes crap like that on his FB?

Kick him to the curb...lying about having a child FOR THREE YEARS is completely unacceptable. If he can't own up to one, how is he ever going to accept responsibility for yours? I'm dealing with a liar myself and it's a dreadful process to unweave all his lies and his are mostly little ones...I can't imagine what you are going through. Keep your chin up and stay strong and refuse to listen to his BS any longer!

 

[scottishgal89]

i would get out of there if i was you.
hes lying to you for a start.
and sounds like his ex and him are still a bit close for comfort.
not sure what else to say, im shocked.
i know it will hurt to leave him, but you and your baby deserve so much better than that

 

[LilDreamy]

Thank you all for your responses!

I know what I must do. I'm just trying to build up enough courage. & With him gone for these three weeks should help me get used to him not being around. Thank you ladies for your support and comfort.

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Hold on a minute - he must have known you would see his FB?? Which just proves he thinks he will just get away with it - because he knows you will let him - he's treating you like a fool and making you look stupid with this - for all your mutual friends/family to see too.....grrrrr!

Sounds like he likes his women until he gets them pregnant - then he does one!

Look at the women before you he has got pregnant but is not with/supporting. You will just be joining them at the rate he is going.

He's cheated. He has shown no real signs of being a changed man and as perfect as you may think things have been...the real truth is that he has probably learnt from his last mistakes and made it harder for you to catch him out again!

You only find things out because you snoop - just think what else is lying buried waiting to be unearthed! He just may have hidden those a little better and you'll never know.

Pack his bags, put them out and change the locks! This man is going to break ur heart even more than he has - you deserve better and although right now you think he is the best thing you will get - trust me he's not! Don't settle for this sh*t - u deserve better!

Sorry if I sound harsh - I have just dated a lot of men like him and know how it always ends up. He has no respect for you or your "relationship".

x

 

[Linz88]

Bm means baby mom and bd or bf means baby daddy/father! Hez definetly up to something, thats y hez lyin to u