Don't know whether to let my ex see his baby :/

[stephanie20]

Basically I was with my ex for 7 months, we moved in together after 3 which I know was stupid before anyone says anything. He used to bully me into buying things for him, getting phone contracts for him which I am now stuck with (I am not moaning about this, I know it was my fault). He took about two grand of my savings off me through bullying me to buy things for him etc. He used to spend the housing benefit money we got and because my dad was guarantor he ended up paying it.

Anyway, he bullied me to take the contraceptive implant out and I fell pregnant, I am now 14 weeks, he left me about 2 weeks ago.

Since then I have not stopped him from coming to the scans with me, he came to the first scan then told me he was "gutted" when he saw the baby come up and basically made it clear that if I have the baby I would be on my own, and then he bought a scan picture, and then posted it through my door when I went home then came back and threatened to smash my windows in because I wouldn't give it him back.

We had little contact since that but I messaged him on facebook telling him my next scan was on the 5th october to which he said "im not coming but get me a scan picture and post it".

I just feel like he doesn't really care and that doesn't upset me, I just don't know whether to allow him access when the baby is born, after what he did at the first scan I don't feel like he deserves it and hes not exactly making the effort :/

Oh, and I found out since we split up that hes dealing drugs again to save up money for the baby, I told him I don't need drug money but he says he likes doing it. I don't think I can feel safe with him looking after it on his own :/

I don't need anyone on here telling me I'm going to be a bad mother or that I was stupid etc. I know I was stupid but I know I won't be a bad mother, I don't want him to see it because I don't think he'll be able to deal with it and I don't like the things hes doing (drug dealing) I don't want a baby around that.

Any advice would be good, thanks.

 

[babydue2011]

we all do stupid things doesnt make us stupid. I would not allow him around the baby. exsp if he is dealing drugs. i am sure you will be a GREAT mother!! best wishes

 

[stephanie20]

i'm confused as well because his mum and step-dad seem really excited and want to buy me things and help out as much as possible and i want their help but i don't want them to let the baby be with its dad on its own and i'm not sure that they'd abide by my wishes.

i don't know whether to let his mum and step-dad see it and hope they see my side or just not let any of his family see it :/

his family have been unreasonable with my family in the past etc.

 

[Care89]

I wouldnt let him see the baby.. that simalar thing happend to me n i had to fight him for full rights.. i wish i never told him or let him see her... hope that helps

 

[angelpkj]

omg
its like my ex

i moved in with my ex after a month
he used to make me pay for stuff and "il pay u back" but didn't
told me i was going wierd on my pill so i came off it to change pill but got pregnant before went on the new pill

at my scans he just started saying his life was over (hes 25 i was 21 ha!)
proper put me down
the pressure he put on me to have a boy was stupidly massive
when he found out it was a boy he was buzzin and told me it means we cant have anymore now (as he had a girl from a previous relationship and only wanted a boy)

they do not change
i gave FOB chance after chance i tried everythin!!
he never bought baby stuff he never showed any interest at all
the first time he felt my baby kick he was off his head on drugs

they do not change!!!!!
i wish i realised it sooner but i was pregnant n didnt no what to do just wanted him to sort it out n be a family


anyway,LO is 5 month old nearly now
fob went worse and i left for good,then he started lettin my son down
found out he was always taking and selling drugs
owed money to thewrong ppl and had bad ppl knockin on his house

fob doesnt see my son know

he had his chances

if i could re do it all again,and was in your shoes right now
i would leave the door open to letting him know appointment dates etc etc but i wouldnt go out the way to buy him prints and post them!make him come if hes so arsed!

and i wouldnt put FOB on the birth certificate,my hormones got the better of me on that one,regret that,plays on it big time but doesnt live up to the parental responsibility

good luck anyway its hard people telling u everythin and u just want things to work and have the family

 

[stephanie20]

awww

feel bad that you went through all that D:

yeahh i've let him know the dates of the appointments and my due dates but I really don't wanna talk to him anymore, everytime i try and talk to him he just talks about his "new life" where hes seeing 15yo girls D; and taking drugs acting like its all impressive and then when i tell him hes being pathetic we just end up arguing and i dont wanna get stressed because of him, theres no point so iv blocked him on facebook, he has my number if he wants to get in touch but im not holding my breath..

im not gonna put him on the birth certificate, i just dont want my LO growing up and hating me cos its dad didnt wanna see him and the LO blaming that on me

i know it will happen though some time

 

[darsilver1]

Your ex sounds shaddy and I wouldnt let him have visits with LO...Especially since he is dealing drugs....You dont want him dragging you into his drama. You have a right to be cautious and concerned about him regardless of how he treated you. I hope you find a solution to your problem..

 

[Laura2919]

Even people who moved in with their partner and have been living together for years split hun so I would never say you was stupid we all do things we regret but they shape us and thats what leads us forward so I dont think your stupid.

I hope things work out.