don't know why i bother at times

[pcsoph2890]

so we found out hubby has lower than average sperm count, and what he has left are a bit lazy. so we have been refered to the fertility clinic. basically im thinking az he is low and lazy we need to do it more often to give the sperm chance to get to the right place.

so last night i thought that as i had a show of ewcm earlier on in the day, i would have sex.
No hubby couldnt have brushed me off any quicker.

im going to be mortified when we go to the clinic and they ask how often we have sex and i'll have to tell then not enough and not at the right time.

yes i have i the past told him when we needed to dtd and his reply was that he didn't want to do it as he knew he had to do it, so i never since then told him, thinking him being obvilious was bliss. i feel like i do all the tests, opk, temp, folic acid and he has no idea that i feel this is just a one person effort on my part.

i feel like i just can't win at times he wants me to get pregnant, but he doesnt realise that not having sex at the right time is not going to make a baby.
last night after he rejected me i turned over thinking well he doesn't want me touching him whatsover so might as well go to sleep. then he asked what was wrong and i came up with a totally stupid excuse why i was upset (typical woman thing saying "im fine when i'm clearly not)

im just thinking of a way to explain this to the husband without making it feel clinical. You would think that he would jump at the chance to have lots of sex, but i just dont get it...... Do i do a sit down any explain the cycle to him.and that in order to get pregnant you have to do it within this time frame, but then i worry that he'll think i am patronising him - just feel i can't win whatever option i choose.

All in all just a bit rejected, demoralised as this is not the first month this has happened - it seems to happen most months now and we have been ttc for 15 months now.
i just feel like we have never given it a proper go - he asks when the time to do it is, i tell him when he asks, but then he is too tired, late off work, trained too hard and achy.

Just can't win and not sure how to deal with this situation in my own head. I'm thinking that i can never actually see me ever getting pregnant, and i should come to the decision that it'll never happen for me.

sorry rant over......

 

[PinkPeony]

I think you have to just be more open with him. You don't have to go into too much detail about your cycle - I always just tell mine it's "that time" so we gotta DTD today and tomorrow. Last week he started asking me naive questions about how the cycle actually works. It was cute.

But I think you have to explain that your missing your chance all the time and that it's getting you down feeling that you're the only one trying. He probably just doesn't realize.

 

[Jax41]

pcsoph just wanted to write on your thread to let you know you're not alone this is my story all over. DH know's what he has to do, talks a good talk but no action when it's needed then my mind whirls out of control, know what I mean?

Big hugs hun, maybe we can PM each other to swop seducation techniques?! xXx

 

[2have4kids]

Ha! I had the same problem UNTIL we went to the clinic. She discussed the problem and asked when we dtd and I said that I've found it difficult to get him motivated on the two/three days when it's necessary. NOW, it's just the opposite, unless it's those days, it's very difficult to get him to get busy. And I'm OK with that because I'm getting my needs filled in this other way, but NO man wants to sit in there and have his wife explain to the doctor that she can't get the sperm when the sperm is needed. It's changed his attitude altogether.

I also share the double lines with him on the OPK and ask him if he thinks it's time to do it. He sees them getting darker and if he's calling the shots on when they are the darkest maybe he feels more motivated to take control instead of be told.
I hope you don't feel too much pressure to dtd though, if his sperm are lazy your option might be to have them insert sperm using something that pierces the egg through IVF. It may not be in your hands at all.

Sorry you felt rejected last night, it hurts, it's not fun and how can those guys not get how rude it is especially when ttc.

 

[MH53ADwife]

Actually it's better to have sex less. We got orders from my doctor to have less sex because we do it pretty much every day, they said that decreases sperm quality. Don't be embarrassed. My doctor looked at me like I was a total absoloute freak when we said every day, then scolded us. And either way, trust me they've seen everything!

 

[MH53ADwife]

And honestly, men need a little more time. I could always tell my hubby wasn't completely on board always, until very recently and now he's super motivated and very open to talking and listening about it all. Before he was not. It's something that changed within himself by himself. I'd say give your husband time, in the meantime, have FUN with it. A marriage is a bout love and partnership, you don't want to lose that in the conception game, like so many people do, then you're eventually left with a baby but no communication. My husband and I have never stopped having fun in the past 5 years, with games, toys, costumes and well anything else (sorry if tmi). It's never felt like a chore until recently with the introduction of medication. Even so, we stay spontaneous and make every BD about love, because just incase, I want my child to know they came into this world because of pure love, instead of a chore.

 

[pcsoph2890]

thanks guys.... again it was a no go last night - he feels az tho he's coming down with something!!!
so this month is written off now... think i have ovulated today, so no point what so ever now!!!!
Gutted is not really the word to describe, at least i like the feeling i gave it a bit of a better go of it.
We have a week off together on a little mini break, so think im going to broach the subject then that we have to have sex to get pregnant and specifially during the few days when i'm due to ovulate. Sorry if it may feel like it is too timed or clinical, but i at least want to go to the clinic knowing we at least gave it a good go.....

Fingers crossed for December TTC!!!!!

 

[Jax41]

pcsoph I HATE that feeling of another wasted cycle and that you've not given it your best shot. I also find it difficult at times not to think I only want to for esp after O when I know I go completely off the boil But if your DH is feeling under pressure to perform at 'the right time' and thinking that you only want to BD for baby then maybe you can compromise and if he complies at your time you will at his? Just a thought that may help.....

 

[Zeri]

So sorry you're feeling down, , I but you're definitely not alone. My DH's libido is fairly low - we usually have sex about 2, 3 times a month tops. I try not to tell him when I'm O'ing because I don't want him to feel pressured, but when I try to seduce him at the right time it never works! Either he's too tired or has to get up early or just isn't in the mood. It's really, really hard... sometimes I try not to show how crushed I am when he doesn't want to BD because then he would know I only want him for the spermies, but then it's so hard, not only to feel rejected and unwanted, but to know that I'm fertile at a particular time and that I basically have no chance of conceiving a particular month because OH doesn't want to BD for whatever reason! At age 36 years old! It's so so hard to go through that, so I completely feel for you.

Have you tried introducing him to libido-enhancing supplements, like Maca, or Horny Goat Weed, though ? Is he okay with Bding at other times in your cycle, or is it that he just has issues around O time? If the latter, I would consider not telling him when you're Oing - guys can feel a lot of pressure to perform and that can make them subconsciously resist Bding, even when they want a baby. It's a real dilemma -because if you don't tell him, then you risk not getting enough BD, but if you tell him, there's the risk of turning him off! I don't know... but maybe something like Maca can help boost his drive so that he doesn't resist you at the right moments?

 

[longing]

Nope you are not alone, and nither am I! Thank you for this post I was begining to wonder if this was unique to us! We both have low labidos, I think mine is due to bad experiences in the past, and he is quite happy with about twice a month. I think time is needed sometimes, my OH has taken ages (as in nearly 3 years!) to become properly interested in how to make babies, he is only now getting interested maybe that is just because it is taking so long. I have got around the issue of when and what he wants to know by buying a clear blue fertility monitor, telling him how it works and what the readings mean, then leaving it somewhere reasonably obvious so if he is curious he can look and if not he wont. I ovulate at the weekend, so we shall see! I also try and come onto him at various times of the month so he doesnt feel that I only want him for his spermys. (though it sometimes backfires when we have months of sex at completly the wrong time, but these months do outweigh the good months) I still cry though every time we miss a good time.

Also, I don't know if anyones else has had this problem or if my man is just extra naive but he wont get tested 'because we havent been trying properly for long enough' So because he didn't really know that most months we were hitting the right time he thinks we haven't been trying, MEN!!!

 

[Jax41]

And, another thing I know that if I O during the week no chance of a BD, DH just not interested work, tired, gotta get up early, you know the usual excuses. So we only ever seem to do it at the weekend

Longing my DH has had 3 kids and he still doesn't understand a woman's cycle, I think it's a boy thing

 

[Zeri]

And, another thing I know that if I O during the week no chance of a BD, DH just not interested work, tired, gotta get up early, you know the usual excuses. So we only ever seem to do it at the weekend

Longing my DH has had 3 kids and he still doesn't understand a woman's cycle, I think it's a boy thing

Same here! If I O on the weekend then I usually have a chance, since I can jump DH in the afternoon when he has more energy. At night we're both too tired, and rather just than . Not good when TTC.

 

[longing]

Thanks Jax41

Yep we are the same, although I am on shifts so its a real lottery when we both get a day off and I am ovulating. Thought it would happen this month with Sunday off and o at the weekend but looks like its happening early this month, typical!

 

[Jax41]

Thanks Jax41

Yep we are the same, although I am on shifts so its a real lottery when we both get a day off and I am ovulating. Thought it would happen this month with Sunday off and o at the weekend but looks like its happening early this month, typical!

flippin nuisance!

 

[Jax41]

So how we all getting on then?

I'm CD9, taken my clomid for the first time this cycle and now waiting for the action to begin! I'm going to be sick of coffee, same old chestnut DH not in the mood during the week

2have2kids, thought I'd cracked it too when DH came with me to my gyne appt and we had the BD chat

 

[2have4kids]

So Jax, you said how it's been difficult? What was the reaction in the room? I hope this cycle is a little more exciting for you then! Are you going to do the OPK trick? Hahahaha, it's totally a trick, if only a treat would work the same, we might have our men on leashes heeling and sitting in 100 years lol. That's mean hey?

I've been enlightened by my nurse friend that I might not respond well to IVF drugs being overweight (my BMI is 30). So I'm going to loose 65 lbs from now to Aug and do IVF in May/June. I'm doing this with the help of a doctor and surgery. If IVF is successful the first three months I shouldn't be gaining much (I didn't gain anything when I was pregnant in Sept for a few months). And I won't be dieting, I'll simply be eating different, nutritious things. I think the weight is a big part in me not being able to get pregnant. I have arthritis (stage 4 knee replacement kind of arthritis) and spots on my face due to hormone imbalance. Fat makes it impossible for your hormones to work well and at this point in my life I need everything in tip top working order! I'm super active, I just can't lose the weight. So I'm going a bit extreme on it but there's no doubt I'll be a BMI of 22-25 by June/August 2013. They also warn you that you're super fertile when you do the thing that I'm doing, and they say to use double protection. I just had to smile when they explained this to me and node (sparkle in my eye).

I'm still on my supplements too. I believe antioxidants help repair aging cells. I'm hoping this is the year for many of us!!