Don't like the idea of home birth??? Then don't get one!

[ace28]

Ugh ladies, I'm very upset at the moment...

My wife was talking to her best friend on the phone (I have never liked this best friend) and just mentioned our plans for a home birth. Her friend is very opinionated and very smart mouthed and she IMMEDIATELY went off about how this is my first pregnancy and we don't even know if I'll be able to handle labor without a c section, let alone an at home labor, and how a hospital is a safer, and how I always have to make things "weird" and I can't just go with the flow and be normal, and how we all know I'll just wuss out with the pain and end up in the hospital anyways so might as well start there.

What?!?!?!

I am so tired of people like her judging my labor choices. It's not YOUR bleeping labor, or YOUR bleeping kid, and I didn't ask for your damn opinion!!!! Ugh! Plus, I really feel like the things she said were just hurtful- implying that I might not even be able to "handle" labor? What?

The worst part was that my wife just kinda sat there and let her say it, until I interrupted and was like um, this is the part where you defend me and our right to make our own choices.... At which point my wife tried to make some feeble attempt to change the subject and I left the room in tears. Unbelievable. Why do people judge so harshly?


PS this is the same friend who has also made her opinions on the ridiculousness of our choice to cloth diaper loud and crystal freaking clear. Ugh!!!!

 

[Cjackord]

i'm sorry. one friend told me that she got a repeat c-section because she loves her family and wants to be around for them (i'm planning a hbac).

people are just people. other than that one friend, i've actually had quite a few friends that have been super supportive. i'm in southern ca, so home birth is weird for down here! the best thing that has helped me? knowing in my heart that we are doing the BEST for OUR child. i don't know where i would be if my husband weren't so supportive. the support of your spouse is all you need!

is this your first? you'll get waaaay used to people disagreeing about how you raise your child. just the other day i was stared down at the drs office after my 18 month old had bloodwork and i started nursing him to comfort him. meh. you get over it.

good luck. i know it can be infuriating...

 

[jasminejo24]

oh hun, i wanted a home birth s bad but my neighbours are noisy and my neighbourhood is sary so i dont feel safe enough in my own home to do it.
however when i first mentioned it to people they were alll "oh my god thats not natural what if you die!"
i simply said, "i aprieciate your concern for me but before you talk to me about something i have reasearched, talked to mw's about and talked to new moms who have just been throught the experience about then i think you should bring me a 2000 word essay on why exactly you think its not safe"

dont worry about her but have a talk with your OH make sure they are with you on this as they may not have stuck up for you due to there own worries and the last thing you want is for your OH to bottle up worries about it.

 

[madasa]

People say stupid sh*t. Half the time they dont even KNOW that what thyu are saying is insensitive or rude, such is the culture we live in (where being in hospital is "safer" - - they really do believe that!!)

This mouthy insensitive jerk of a person is not.worth.your.time. So: inhale. Exhale. Let it go. Now go and do something nice for yourself.

 

[vintagecat]

Bleh, not someone I would want to continue talking to! This is why we keep all of our plans to ourselves. I don't need other people's negativity. We're the ones giving birth. It's not up to anybody else but you.

 

[ljo1984]

there'll always be some people who think they know better, well everything she said was rubbish but id feel let down if my oh didnt defend me in this situation. my best friend was a bit weary and it took me ages to tell her, but just stick to what you want, you know its safe and you'll do brilliantly. dont let narrow minded people get you out of a positive mind set, and prove her wrong (that will be a nice feeling!! lol) xx

 

[mummytogeorge]

Aww im sorry to hear that, there's always someone who will feel the need to give their opinions in a not so tactful way, ive found that more with names too.

I don't understand why people say "its not natural" years ago it was the most natural thing in the world, much more natural and relaxing to be at home in your own surroundings. People seem to go with the assumption sometimes that "its not natural" or you are committing an act of extreme danger just by contemplating a HB just because it is now "a norm" to go to the hospital and have your baby, only when they read the facts and other peoples experiences for themselves may they change their opinions. Go with the birth you and your wife want, its your choice no one else's xx

 

[pea-in-pod]

oh hun, i wanted a home birth s bad but my neighbours are noisy and my neighbourhood is sary so i dont feel safe enough in my own home to do it.
However when i first mentioned it to people they were alll "oh my god thats not natural what if you die!"
i simply said, "i aprieciate your concern for me but before you talk to me about something i have reasearched, talked to mw's about and talked to new moms who have just been throught the experience about then i think you should bring me a 2000 word essay on why exactly you think its not safe"

**like**

 

[LockandKey]

one of my best friend's sister is pregnant, she wants a home birth, and every time she posts on fb about wanting a home birth or having a mw visit, this girl harasses her and it annoys me to no end. One comment was "What? a midwife? What's next? are you going to hire a wet nurse?" I was pretty ticked when I read that comment, and as much as I wanted to say something, I didn't feel it was my place, but the sheer ignorance and non supportive ways of others is really off putting. Ok so you don't agree with it, but you don't have to be so discouraging to someone who is expecting.

On that note, while I was expecting, I mentioned med free birth on my fb page, and my close minded cousin commented on how crazy I was and if it were her, she would rather deal with childbirth like she does with plastic surgery.... be put to sleep and wake up with something new! This makes me sick beyond belief

 

[NaturalMomma]

I'm sorry your wife has friends like that

I've never had that happen to me in real life, but I've had plenty of internet people tell me how horrible I was for having ds2 at home. These same people are probably the ones who want elective primary c-sections for ridiculous reaons, yet we can't homebirth for safety reasons.

 

[shopgirl771]

jasminejo that is sooooo true.
i mostly get "ooooh what about all that mess?" ??????!!!!! am i asking u to come over and clear up? well shut up then. seriously what is that response about. is that the biggest worry u have about birth???!!!

 

[xSin]

That completely sucks that you had to go through that

I have mixed feelings on "people who do stuff like that" ...A good majority of the time I find it depends greatly on my mood... if they're coming across super vehement with their 'stance' on things, I won't even bother discussing it further and will simply let them say their piece and then figure out a way to change the topic. Its simply not worth my energy trying to educate them when they've already made it so obvious they'd rather remain in ignorance.

Others, who ask me what kind of birth I'm wanting and then continue to ask me questions about it because they genuinely don't know, I'm a lot more open to discussing things with. They have the natural sort of curiosity and seem to be expressing a genuine interest in learning something new whether in the end they decide it's what they would want or not is up to them... I'm happy to at least have the chance to let them know that there are alternative options to the "social norms"

Some of the ones I again tend to avoid ironically enough are some of the super emphatic home birthers ...again it seems to be largely a mood / approach / individual case thing in this instance but there's been a couple times where people have "told" me that "this is what I want" and while I may have been interested and may very well be grateful for the new information, I generally try to avoid extending the conversation because I just can't stand being talked down to as if I know nothing simply because I haven't "experienced" it yet. (I'll have to update and let y'all know if this perspective changes once I -have- experienced it LOL)

 

[modo]

i'm sorry. one friend told me that she got a repeat c-section because she loves her family and wants to be around for them (i'm planning a hbac).
..

that is just about the most uninformed and mean thing I have heard!

 

[Pinkorblue11]

i'm sorry. one friend told me that she got a repeat c-section because she loves her family and wants to be around for them (i'm planning a hbac).
..

I've heard someone say that about their vbac.

 

[mialee]

I am ttc #4 and this thread just confirms my choice not to mention my choices on facebook or anyone else. My husband I both want a home water birth and I truly don't want to here the opinions of others. My last hospital birth was awful. Not the birth of my very healthy baby girl. But how they took her out of my room and I paced the floors waiting for her to come back. How they fed her bottles without my consent.

 

[ace28]

Ya'll are awesome ladies. Thanks for the confirmation that I'm not crazy for wanting it this way. We have an appointment to interview a midwife tonight about possibly having her do our homebirth... I'll let you know how it goes!

But more on topic with my original post, I haven't spoken to that "friend" since then (and neither has my wife, though not on purpose I don't think) but I am still fuming about it. HOW DARE YOU put down my choice of birth- one of the most intimate choices I and my wife will ever make?

Anyways, I was still fuming about it a few days later when I called my mom to lay out the plan for her. She immediately started in on the "oh don't you think a hospital would be safer, honey?" and "you really need to do some balanced research before you make a choice like this." I immediately jumped so far down her throat I could see her gallbladder, and she backed waaaaaaaay off. LOL. I told her I was tired of people judging- particularly people who SHOULD be supportive, like close friends and relatives- and tired of people assuming I HADN'T done my research, and DIDN'T know my facts. She apologized and told me that, like all things in life, she just wanted to make sure I am making the best and most informed choice possible. I understand this and know that her heart at least is in the right place, even if she (like many others) is immediately resistant to a form of childbirth she doesn't really understand.

Sigh!

Anyways, all this for something we're not even POSITIVE we're going to do yet (for money reasons, mind you- I WANT that home water birth!)

 

[Pinkorblue11]

Good luck tonight, Ace! I hope everything works out and you get your home water birth.

 

[xSin]

I must confess it really bugs me and gets under my skin that the UNINFORMED people are the ones who are the first to assume anyone who wants a home birth must be the uninformed one making an "unbalanced ignorant decision that's ultimately unsafe" when really we're the more informed ones than they are!!!

I've NEVER had a problem with anyone who has done research and decided simply that "Homebirth isn't for me" ...none of them have ever knocked my decision but the ones who are completely ignorant of the option nevermind the stats regarding safety and risk, are the first ones to start spouting off about safety and risk. >.<

 

[WelshOneEmma]

Can someone who is not yet pregnant give an opinion (miscarriage at 10 weeks, hence why i had been looking at things).

A few years ago my sis had her first, said she didn't want pain relief. I told her she was nuts (she had an dpi in the end). I have had friends say they plan a home birth, again told them they were nuts (but understand its their choice).

The older (and more desperate) i get I find i am changing. I am desperate for a baby (its just not happening at the moment) and when we do i am considering home birth for the first time.

I was ignorant and rude because i didn't understand why someone would want that. you just thing drugs and hospital are best. i guess once you have that baby inside you, the idea of drugs, if you can avoid them is preferred.

Just baffle them with your research and show them you aren't being stupid and you have thought long and hard about it. thats what i would do if i ever got the chance. xxx