Doula experience...typical?

[Monalissa]

I've been thinking a lot about my labor and how I'd like to try and do things differently next time now that I know what to expect. I hired a doula and we did a lot of "swaying" at home until I got to the hospital and was 5-6 cm.

Once I was moved to labor and delivery, I found it too uncomfortable to walk and ended up laboring on my back. I am sure this contributed to my not being able to handle contractions very well, opting for the epidural and needing pitocin for stalled labor. I remember thinking that there was no way I'd be able to sit still for the epidural, but in retrospect, contractions were slightly more bearable sitting up and leaning forward like that.

I can't say for sure that I wouldn't have caved for the epidural no matter the position, but I can't help wondering if this is a normal doula experience? I don't understand why she didn't suggest more upright positions. It was probably pretty obvious to her that walking was not going to happen, but surely there were other things we could have tried.

We loved her energy and personality and have said we would hire her again next time. But now I'm not sure I got the best support that I could have?

 

[MindUtopia]

Once you got to the hospital, what was her role? What sort of things did she do to help you? Did she provide support after the birth as well?

I actually had a fairly disappointing experience with my doula and honestly probably won't hire one again for my next birth. I had a horrible time even finding her as most of the doulas I tried to interview flaked out on me (wouldn't respond to inquiry or didn't show up for the interview appt). I finally found and hired this one and she planned a trip overseas during the time she should have been on-call for me. I actually went into labour the morning she flew back home and she just made it from the airport in time for me to start pushing. She did help tremendously during the pushing stage by reminding me how to let my body take over and do the work for me and keeping my vocalizations low, which was so helpful. I'm thankful to have had her there to help then. But then after the birth, she just sorta disappeared and didn't help with any of the tasks she was supposed to. She came for one postnatal appt and disappeared after that and I've never heard from her again! Fortunately, I didn't pay her the rest of what I owed her either because she's never been in touch again.

I don't necessarily think that sort of behavior is typical and in fact, my best friend is a doula (in the U.S., not the UK, or I would have had her as my doula!). But I do think some people are better at their jobs than others are. She may have felt like she needed to let you make the decision that was best for you, but it sounds like you wish she'd been more supportive. What was she doing for you during the hospital portion of your birth? Did you find it helpful? I know my friend who is a doula is usually pretty hands on with helping with positioning and decision making about interventions, so I think that's more the norm than not. Maybe looking around for someone else who would be more proactive might be a better fit?

But I understand what you mean. My experience wasn't overall a positive one and it's turned me off a bit from going down the doula route the next time unless we move to a new area where we'd have a different selection of candidates, especially because I coped easily with labour on my own with just my husband at home before the midwives and doula arrived when I was pushing. I'm not sure what I'd actually want someone to help me with the next time around. I feel like she might just get in the way and be an extra body in the room. But this makes me a little sad because I really strongly support the idea of what doulas do and I think they can be so helpful and empowering if you find the right one. I wish I had.

Also, I just noticed you are in Brooklyn. My friend who is a doula works from New Haven. That's probably a bit far from you, but she might have some contacts in the city if you do decide you want to explore hiring a doula again. She's fantastic!! And I can only imagine she would know some good folks. I just wish I could fly her over here for me!