Doula?

[tinytabby]

I am planning a home birth, and was just thinking it would be myself, OH and the midwife (or midwives).

A friend said I should hire a doula too but I'm not sure. I know there are a few douas here do it'd be great to hear what you think, but also anyone who's hired one - what were the benefits and would you hire her again?

 

[madasa]

I wish I'd hired one. Both times. If I have any more children, I definitely will. For so many reasons!

With my second baby, my birth was very positive and I loved it. We did have some problems afterwards though - me and DH both panicked a bit and having someone there to help keep us calm and reassured would have been brilliant. We transferred at that point and lost continuity of care.... if we'd had a doula to transfer with us I think that would have helped a lot. Ante natally and post natally, we often felt trapped and a bit "bullied" by the "system" - having a doula to help us navigate policies and what not would have been a godsend.

 

[fifi-folle]

I'd love to but can't afford it
Where in Scotland are you, I have a few friends who've used a doula, could pass on recommendations...

 

[Tacey]

I'm so glad we've hired a doula this time. DH struggled a lot last time as he didn't know how to help me. He was also exhausted but couldn't nip off for a break. I felt I didn't get the emotional support that would have helped. I feel so much more confident knowing I have our doula on the end of the phone. She's a very calming, reassuring woman, and is great at gently helping DH see how he can support me. I'd definitely recommend meeting a few to see what you think.

 

[madasa]

I'd love to but can't afford it
Where in Scotland are you, I have a few friends who've used a doula, could pass on recommendations...

If you are on any benefits at all, have a look at the Doula UK Access Fund. "A doula for all."

I'm still a new doula and not completed the recognition process, so my fees are very low compared to the more experienced doulas who have been doing it for years. I have also worked basically for peanuts, just to gain experience and I know I am not alone.

 

[fifi-folle]

Not on benefits fortunately but I'm not working or getting MA now.

 

[lozzy21]

I think it defiantly helps having some female support during your labour and if you don't have a mother or close friend you want there then a doula is defiantly the way to go.

 

[aliss]

I agree doula is a way to go.

Bless men. Mine was wonderful.

BUT

Men do not like seeing their wives in pain. OR, their way to help is "don't be a wuss" How can these poor guys possibly relate? Damned if they do, damned if they don't.

The majority of doulas have birthed naturally and will understand you, and encourage you accordingly. Women don't become doulas if they don't believe in the power of gentle encouragement of natural labour.

I have my doula meeting next week, I look forward to meeting her. I wish I had her with my 1st! My OH was wonderful and supportive of natural delivery but could not encourage me the same as a doula could.

 

[tinytabby]

Thanks everyone. Your comments are really helpful. OH is a pretty steady kind of guy, he was my rock last year when I had a hideous medical procedure done to my broken elbow and I screamed like an animal! I don't know how well he will cope for labour but he's sure he can do it without a doula - he's not that keen.

I'd love to but can't afford it
Where in Scotland are you, I have a few friends who've used a doula, could pass on recommendations...

I'm in Glasgow. Recommendations would be fab, thanks. The jury's still out but it might not hurt to talk to some.

 

[fifi-folle]

ah sorry I'm east coast

 

[tinytabby]

ah sorry I'm east coast

No worries.

 

[booflebump]

There's some lovely doulas in the Glasgow area - Arcanegirl has hired one, so she might have suggestions. Otherwise, have a look on Doula UK - they will all be listed there I'm a new mentored doula too, but on the other side of Scotland from you unfortunately!

xxx

 

[karla1]

I'd love to but can't afford it
Where in Scotland are you, I have a few friends who've used a doula, could pass on recommendations...

If you are on any benefits at all, have a look at the Doula UK Access Fund. "A doula for all."

I'm still a new doula and not completed the recognition process, so my fees are very low compared to the more experienced doulas who have been doing it for years. I have also worked basically for peanuts, just to gain experience and I know I am not alone.

we have hired a doula for our home water birth but are low on income so we have found a doula that is still kind of training i suppose is the best term for it as she needs some birth experiences for her to be fully qualified so its a win win situation.

we want someone there to support us and our choices and help keep things calm and relaxed and take some of the stress off us (silly things like making drinks or getting things from other rooms so OH doesnt have to leave me) and she needs the experience so she can fully qualify so between us we have negotiated what we all feel is a fair fee for her services and we have also given her our consent to use us as a "case study" and reference for other people to contact if they want to check her out before hiring her themselves

maybe ask around at any homebirth groups in your area if there is anyone training that you could do the same with

 

[madasa]

Wow, Karla - is it your EDD today?? HAPPY "DUE" DATE!

This is also a handy doula-finding tool:
https://www.douladirectory.co.uk/public/search/search.php

Failing that, try typing in your toan and "doula" into Google and see what comes up.
Good luck!

 

[karla1]

Wow, Karla - is it your EDD today?? HAPPY "DUE" DATE!

This is also a handy doula-finding tool:
https://www.douladirectory.co.uk/public/search/search.php

Failing that, try typing in your toan and "doula" into Google and see what comes up.
Good luck!

it certainly is thank you but this little man is a typical lazy boy and is not showing any signs of coming anytime soon

 

[Arcanegirl]

This my hired Doula https://www.facebook.com/nurturingnaturedoulaayrshire
She is a training one and total cost is £200 which she will allow you to pay how ever you can. We had finance issues aswell which we spoke with her about, but very lucky that I got a PPI claim back that has paid for her hire.

Her name is Caroline and she has been so wonderful so far and gone above and beyond her services so far

 

[Taramichelle]

I'm so glad we've hired a doula this time. DH struggled a lot last time as he didn't know how to help me. He was also exhausted but couldn't nip off for a break. I felt I didn't get the emotional support that would have helped. I feel so much more confident knowing I have our doula on the end of the phone. She's a very calming, reassuring woman, and is great at gently helping DH see how he can support me. I'd definitely recommend meeting a few to see what you think.

No doula! I have met so many OH who felt uninvolved because some lady took his (her) spot. It's hard enough for some OH not feeling completely involved in carrying the baby during pregnancy, don't take that from them during birth. If you OH isn't completely competent, then you should at least discuss His/her feelings on the matter first. Remember a doula isn't a doctor or nurse (like a midwife) they literally had to take a class and pay a fee to be a support for you. If you have a support person, embrace them first before you waste your money.

 

[Tacey]

I'm so glad we've hired a doula this time. DH struggled a lot last time as he didn't know how to help me. He was also exhausted but couldn't nip off for a break. I felt I didn't get the emotional support that would have helped. I feel so much more confident knowing I have our doula on the end of the phone. She's a very calming, reassuring woman, and is great at gently helping DH see how he can support me. I'd definitely recommend meeting a few to see what you think.

No doula! I have met so many OH who felt uninvolved because some lady took his (her) spot. It's hard enough for some OH not feeling completely involved in carrying the baby during pregnancy, don't take that from them during birth. If you OH isn't completely competent, then you should at least discuss His/her feelings on the matter first. Remember a doula isn't a doctor or nurse (like a midwife) they literally had to take a class and pay a fee to be a support for you. If you have a support person, embrace them first before you waste your money.

Don't worry, my DH hasn't been kept in the dark. he's the one who wanted a doula. Of course I've discussed his feelings! I am also aware of the purpose of a doula. I don't expect her to be a medical support. I have two midwives for that. We have chosen (note WE) her because she is experienced in massage, homeopathy and hypnobirthing, and through our antenatal sessions has been passing on that knowledge to DH. She is able to take our daughter out to play during the birth to allow DH to stay with me, or she can give him a break if he needs it, which is something he says he would have loved to have first time round, as by the time I reached transition he was like the waking dead. He felt disempowered last time as he didn't know how he could help me, but our doula has already provided many suggestions for him, and will be gently encouraging him throughout the birth.

It's a shame you have encountered people who have been railroaded by their choice of doula, but I assure you, that is not everyone's experience.

 

[Mervs Mum]

I a survey conducted by Doula UK, (I notice you're in America and the role of the doula differs somewhat there) 100% of couples said they would book a doula again.....so some of them seem to be getting the balance right....

 

[madasa]

Doulas support the mother AND her partner. In fact, knowing how dads are sometimes treated on maternity wards I see that as a pretty big part of my job! HELPING him to feel included, helping him NOT to feel helpless or scared and just relieving him if he is tired or overwhelemed and needs a break. Midwives are overstretched JUST trying to care for mothers and babies - poor dad is often completely ignored and left feeling totally useless. ("Like a spare tool" - OH's words).

Some dads are too full of adrenaline and their presence actually slows labour down. They are better off DOING things to help dissipate that adrenaline. They are too fired up to just sit there and be with their partner. They see her "in pain" and want to "fix it". I know ladies who went to the toilet on their own during labour because they couldn't "let go" during a contraction in front of their partner. They knew that they would get upset at seeing them "in pain" and that made them hold back. Sometimes the dad is just not well prepared, or he is tired or frightened. He's not giving good support to her at this point because he's in a bit of a mess himself. HE needs support too, and frankly it's a bit mean to leave him high and dry without it!

Some dads are GREAT at sitting with their partner, in which case the doula's role is different!

And IMO there is something to be said for having support from a WOMAN at this very feminine time.

Knowing what a doula does (because I am one), DH is completely up for having one if we have any more children.