Doula?

[karla1]

i would also like to add the main reason we have hired a doula is because OH wanted one. he has got 2 children from past relationship and felt totally out of the whole birth process and very scared and worried as nobody was explaining what was going on or why is partner was in so much pain. with this being a home birth he was worried he would be pushed aside once again even more so this time with things like making drinks and fetching and carry things and would have no idea what was going on so he actually wants our doula to be there to support him and make sure the midwifes are talking to him and letting him be involved he wants to "catch" our baby when born and pass him to me but was worried MW's might take over and push him to the sidelines. our doula has been great at putting his mind at rest that she is there to support him

 

[tinytabby]

Thanks all for the different points of view - it's interesting to hear from people who don't want a doula. I think the point that we have to make the decision as a couple is right and I'll encourage OH to look at both sides of the story so we can decide together.

 

[aliss]

I'm so glad we've hired a doula this time. DH struggled a lot last time as he didn't know how to help me. He was also exhausted but couldn't nip off for a break. I felt I didn't get the emotional support that would have helped. I feel so much more confident knowing I have our doula on the end of the phone. She's a very calming, reassuring woman, and is great at gently helping DH see how he can support me. I'd definitely recommend meeting a few to see what you think.

No doula! I have met so many OH who felt uninvolved because some lady took his (her) spot. It's hard enough for some OH not feeling completely involved in carrying the baby during pregnancy, don't take that from them during birth. If you OH isn't completely competent, then you should at least discuss His/her feelings on the matter first. Remember a doula isn't a doctor or nurse (like a midwife) they literally had to take a class and pay a fee to be a support for you. If you have a support person, embrace them first before you waste your money.

Wow, never thought I'd find an anti-doula post in natural birthing! I find your post rather ill-informed about why doulas exist, what they do, what their training is, etc. perhaps you should do a little more research about them and their effect on labour.

 

[Taramichelle]

No doula! I have met so many OH who felt uninvolved because some lady took his (her) spot. It's hard enough for some OH not feeling completely involved in carrying the baby during pregnancy, don't take that from them during birth. If you OH isn't completely competent, then you should at least discuss His/her feelings on the matter first. Remember a doula isn't a doctor or nurse (like a midwife) they literally had to take a class and pay a fee to be a support for you. If you have a support person, embrace them first before you waste your money.

Wow, never thought I'd find an anti-doula post in natural birthing! I find your post rather ill-informed about why doulas exist, what they do, what their training is, etc. perhaps you should do a little more research about them and their effect on labour.

For the record, my cousin is a certified and trained Doula and has been for almost 10 years. I lived with her during her training and watched her as she booked her first clients, which she needed to complete her certification. So yes, I know what a doula's purpose is and what they have to offer. Second, I was simply saying to go into it knowing any potential negatives from the experience, because there are some. And as for Feminine support, many women choose to have their mother or sister, free of charge, someone they love...know...and trust by their side. And yes, I understand that things in the US and UK differ, but here in the US, most decent fathers are involved in birthing classes and research on how to help the mother during labor...which is what a Doula does during her certification...look it up. No difference in my opinion, unless your Doula happens to be an expert at delivery herself, in which case this may sway your decision,which is a valid argument. Just don't discount the love and support your OH has to offer, that's all. I am for natural birth and always hav been. A doula is used in many unnatural births, don't please don't correlate these two.

 

[aliss]

Nobody is discounting love and support from their partner but a doula support is not the same as your OH's. They have different roles and my husband was very very good in my labour, but he was not a woman who had gone through labour to help me through it. A man going through a labour support class is not the same as a woman who has actually been through a natural labour. A man cannot understand to the same level, of no fault of his own, because he has not been through it.

 

[Taramichelle]

Absolutely. That's what I was saying, if u can hire a Doula who is a mom herself and has gone through a natural birth and u don't feel comfortable with a mom, sister or other female mom in your life, then you should hire a Doula. Just consider your options, that's all. In. Tough economy, a penny saved is a good thing.

 

[madasa]

It is far different actually choosing and hiring a doula than getting one assigned to you as part of the medical team. The same research also showed that it is different hiring a doula than having someone from your family or social circle support you.

https://brendalane.suite101.com/doulas-more-effective-than-staff-or-mothers-family-friends-a351488

I've had my mother at one birth and my mother in law at the other. Neither of them have the knowledge, confidence in birth or passion for the subject that I have. Neither of them have the skills that many doulas do either! Both were emotionally invested in the birth of their grandchildren - both got caught up in the moment when what I needed was someone with a cool head and an outside perspective, to help calm or reassure or encourage. Not to mention, the individualised ante natal and post natal support... That is why, as much as love my mum and my MIL.... I will be having a doula next time. The majority of women are flippin' petrified of the process, IME, and being close to you, loving you, doesn't make them less afraid. If anything, it makes them MORE scared. Fear = ...???... I hope, it being the Natural Birth Section, that I don't have to spell out what THAT means...

Sure, not everyone needs one! Some people who do want one might be lucky enough to have a friend or relative who ticks all those boxes - lucky them! I know a few ladies chose an IM and decided that because of that they didn't need one. Different strokes and all that