Dreading it already...

[Bunny_84]

I'm only at 7 weeks (edit: 6 weeks) and I already want this pregnancy to hurry up and the baby be here already. I feel yucky and hungry all the time. And I have mixed feelings about it all. I really want another baby, don't get me wrong. But I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I sort of remember why we didn't have another baby right after our first child now. This yucky feeling is a big drag on everything I enjoy doing, even if its just playing on a video game. My husband just makes remarks that he finds funny but isn't comforting to me, like "well, you wanted this." Or "you can't undo it now". With his little laugh like he's accomplished something. I wish he could feel the way I do so I could tell him those things and I want him to feel an obligation to go a full 9 months where you feel sick for 7 out of those 9 months.

I already have bad anxiety. Its even worse now that I'm pregnant. I had a bad experience with labor and delivery with our first and I think all of the anxiety I have now is just steming from that. First of all, I knew I was in labor. The mucous plug came out and I had some water come out also. Then I started having cramps. We get to the hospital and the nurse tells me to go home because I'm not dialated nor was I in labor. We had to demand her to get someone to remove me from the hospital because I wasn't going anywhere. I started bleeding and the nurse wanted me to walk around to get dialated, even though I begged her to look at the baby in an ultrasound because the baby was breach. She made me walk anyway even though I was in severe pain. An hour later the midwife gets there and checks everything. She says "oh yeah, she's well over dialated. Your feeling the baby butt. The baby's butt is already through the cervix.". Then I'm just like great, now what? So I'm rushed in to have an emergency csection. Then the nurses didn't let me see my baby for about 12 hrs. They kept coming in and pushing the morphine (spelling?) button and telling me to sleep. Two days later I get pain pills so I can get up and move around. By then I felt weak and very sick and out of it. They even put me on pain meds that I shouldn't have been on while breastfeeding. Glad the doctor noticed that when he came in to check on me a few days later. So just that whole situation, I just want to get this over with already. And I hope that this baby turns before it gets too big to turn around. That's what happened with my first. Bicornuate uterus to blame for that. Id rather push out a baby and deal with a couple stitches down below and a little pain than to be cut open and be in pain for 6 weeks to 2 months and retain fat for a year. Which I felt achy for a year anyway because of the baby being down in my pelvis in the wrong position for a little over an hour. It just sucked.

Sorry, I just need someone to talk to about this because my husband doesn't seem to understand how I feel and I'm just scared and dreading the labor/delivery part. And I feel yucky all over and I just want to be able to fast forward to the part where the new baby is here and I will have someone new to love and take care of and teach it about everything like what love and life is about. And now I'm gonna cry.. I just want to get the pregnancy, labor, and delivery part to be over with. I dread it, I dread. It, I dread it.

 

[2have4kids]

There's nothing like a wee bout of infertility to cure those sorts if feelings. It's so ironic how when you want something so bad for do long you'll spend all your life savings and go into debt, give up your dream of passing along your own genes to your child in hopes that a donor will bring a child into your arms. Then when you get the double lines all your mind can think about is to not mc again. Then when you get your first bout of ms after the company Christmas lunch and you loose it all to the toilet bowl you walk out of the stall with a big smile on your face-it is real and you are pregnant!!! Or when your boobs hurt so much you hold them and know a baby might be feeding from them if you're lucky. Or when you feel hunger pangs just after you wolfed down a half tub of yoghurt, you're ok with it, it's better than AF cramps/cravings.

I'm not saying this to diminish anything you've said, i just think sometimes it's ironic how those feelings that you're struggling with can mean so much to others-different set of filters. I hope your OH can be a little more compassionate towards you. I hope you can get through without too much more struggle. You're amazing for bringing another baby into the world

 

[Julia35]

There's nothing like a wee bout of infertility to cure those sorts if feelings. It's so ironic how when you want something so bad for do long you'll spend all your lufe savings and go into debt, give up your dream of passing slong your own genes to your child in hopes that a donor will bring a child into your arms. Then when you get your first bout of ms after the cimpany Christmas lunch and you loose it all to the toilet bowl you walk out of the stall with a big smile on your face. Oe when your boobs hurt so much you hold them and know a baby will bw feeding from them maybe soon. Or when you feel hunger pand just after you eilfed down a half tub of yoghurt, you're ok with it, it's better than AF cramps/cravings.

I'm not saying this to diminish anything you've said, i just think sometimes it's ironic how those feelings that you're struggling with can mean do much to others. I hope your OH can be a lityle mire compassionate towards you. I hope you can get through without too much more struggle. You're amazing for bringing another baby into the world

Very well said. I agree. Infertility cured me of hating pregnancy, so far. I had no trouble conceiving in my 20's but now that I've been through over 2 years ttc, and a loss...boy, I sure feel grateful. I'm not trying negate OP's feelings. I totally get where she's coming from.

 

[Bunny_84]

I've been through a MC, just last year. We tried for about a year before I got pregnant then and nearly a year to get this one. I've wanted this so bad.. and now I just want to get it over with. That's all I'm saying.

 

[2have4kids]

I've been through a MC, just last year. We tried for about a year before I got pregnant then and nearly a year to get this one. I've wanted this so bad.. and now I just want to get it over with. That's all I'm saying.

Glad you got your bfp and hope it gets better for you soon.

 

[RinnaRoo]

Well that surely sounds like a reason to want to get this all done and over with. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for wanting to rush through your pregnancy. You're having and have had a hard time. Just try to keep with positive vibes.

 

[TwinMommy6]

I have gone through all the different emotions like you! My dh wasn't very supportive in the beginning made similar comments as yours and some days I questioned if I was making a mistake. I wanted this baby so bad but when I got it I second guessed my decision.
Then I got told I had a mc :'(
thats when I realized it was normal pregnancy emotions messing with me and I desperately wanted my baby!!!!!!!! I was sent for bloodwork to confirm and 4 days later my doc calls to tell me they made an "error" and I was still "very pregnant"
Im so grateful. ....and trust me the feelings will pass

Hope you get Feeling better and enjoy your pregnancy. ...you deserve it!!!!

 

[wookie130]

You know, not everyone has to enjoy pregnancy...so don't feel bad for wanting to rush through it, so that "tough" part for you is over and done with. I don't feel that struggling with infertility or miscarriages mean that you have to love and relish every moment of pregnancy. Pregnancy is physically hard, and can be extremely tiresome and uncomfortable. And labor and delivery is really no picnic either, if we want to be really honest. Not loving pregnancy has NO bearing on how you feel about the baby itself, or how you'll love your child when the pregnancy is done. Not loving pregnancy doesn't mean that you're not grateful to be having another child, nor does it mean that you're somehow taking it all for granted. It just means that pregnancy can suck for a lot of women, and that some of us prefer to jump to the part where they give you your little girl or boy, wearing the cute little hat, all swaddled and warm in his or her blankie, minus all of the discomfort, pain, and physical wreckage. I totally get this, and I've battled both infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss.

 

[Unexpected212]

It's normal to feel like this.

I feel the same. I have terrible anxiety with worrying about having another miscarriage. I want to fast forward to around 20 weeks when I can feel the baby moving. I loved that part but the first trimester is SCARY.

I also had an awful long labour that ended in assisted delivery so I know how that feels too.

Your feelings are valid.

As much as I feel bad for anyone that suffers with infertility or recurrent miscarriages some people just don't like being pregnant and they shouldn't be made to feel bad for that.

I had a loss and I hate being pregnant because it SCARES me to think I could lose this child. Not because of the symptoms or anything like that.

All I can think of is to say that chances are you will have a better labour this time xxx

 

[snickersbar]

Is it worth looking into something like counselling or hypnotherapy to try and overcome the (understandable) fear and dread that you have for the labour? It was a traumatic experience, and in most other areas of life when people experience trauma they accept they need counselling, but it seems to be a lot less common for women after horrible pregnancies/labours?

x