"early attachment: Why our culture is so against it." YOUR THOUGHTS?

[summer rain]

I have personally experienced it and I've seen it a lot on here. Clearly such health professionals do exist. Not to mention all the lay people who will tell mums to put their baby on a schedule and they can be very pushy also, so in some circles there clearly is an issue with parents being pushed into going by a schedule and why not publish books that empower such parents to go against this? If its not a situation you're in then don't read the book (or any other book that doesn't match your own personal circumstances) it really is just common sense as far as I'm concerned xx

ETA: by the way I just looked up the book and its published by a tiny publisher in Australia so it's clearly aiming at a niche market, not the New York Times best seller list. I just don't see where is the harm nor why such venom is being aimed at the author? I never see such venom being aimed at books that do advice schedules, CIO and so on. Even though some of those are pretty damn patronising or make parents who don't follow them to a t, inadequate. Yet that is somehow ok

 

[TriChick]

I'm SO beyond sick and tired of mothers attaching BS labels, acting holier than thou, and looking down on other mothers who don't do things their way. Seriously sick of it. When the hell are mothers going to grow up and redirect their energy to IMPROVING how people relate to each other? Garbage like this article only further draw a line between mothers and group people into "categories" which should be ranked according to how much me truly love our child. The nerve! Not only do articles like this put mothers down who are simply trying to do their best, but it demonstrates an attitiude of discrimination and elitism that should have NO influence on the beautiful act of being a mother. The world would be a much better place if mothers taught their children acceptance and the beauty of diversity, rather than perpetuating judgement and exclusion. Leading by example and being a good role model for your child FAR surpasses what type of nipple their sustenance is delivered from or which bed they sleep in.

Sorry ladies, rant over

 

[Tiff]

I have personally experienced it and I've seen it a lot on here. Clearly such health professionals do exist. Not to mention all the lay people who will tell mums to put their baby on a schedule and they can be very pushy also, so in some circles there clearly is an issue with parents being pushed into going by a schedule and why not publish books that empower such parents to go against this? If its not a situation you're in then don't read the book (or any other book that doesn't match your own personal circumstances) it really is just common sense as far as I'm concerned xx

ETA: by the way I just looked up the book and its published by a tiny publisher in Australia so it's clearly aiming at a niche market, not the New York Times best seller list. I just don't see where is the harm nor why such venom is being aimed at the author? I never see such venom being aimed at books that do advice schedules, CIO and so on. Even though some of those are pretty damn patronising or make parents who don't follow them to a t, inadequate. Yet that is somehow ok

Really? I've seen tons of heated arguments and venom against any sort of CIO book/article, calling to BF or calling to FF, etc. Confused though, who's replies have been venomous? I've seen people irritated and annoyed by what the author wrote but certainly not venom.

 

[summer rain]

Post number 17 was pretty aggressive and venomous IMHO. And when I say I never see such venom aimed at views on the opposite end of the spectrum I should have clarified, that those posters here who seem to have a real issue with this article/book or those akin to it seem pretty blasé about stuff from the opposite viewpoint. Not just talking this thread but generally on babyandbump.

 

[TriChick]

Us

Post number 17 was pretty aggressive and venomous IMHO. And when I say I never see such venom aimed at views on the opposite end of the spectrum I should have clarified, that those posters here who seem to have a real issue with this article/book or those akin to it seem pretty blasé about stuff from the opposite viewpoint. Not just talking this thread but generally on babyandbump.

Actually Summer Rain, in our house we have a family bed, cloth diaper, and baby wear. Due to issues with nerve damage in my right nipple I could only exclusively pump on a low setting, which meant 30 minute sessions 12 times a day for the first few months. Now all of LO's food is prepared by me using only organic products. His lotion and body wash? All-natural that I must order online. When he cries, I pick him up. When he is hungry, I feed him.

Does this make me a better mom? According to this BS article, yes. BUT I'M NOT. NO ONE IS. The generalization that you make regarding our blase attitude is just that, a generalization assumed without learning the background and reasoning of every member who opposes you.

 

[summer rain]

None of that makes you not rude and aggressive in the way in which you post. Why swear and cuss in your post there is absolutely no need for it. And I still think if parents want to buy this book and follow it that is entirely up to them. I still really don't see the problem? I am not anti-parent led books I just don't read them; same with articles of that nature online. There is a very militant FF blog online that gives a lot of misinformation about BF, so I just ignore it and don't read it. Simples. As long as you're not talking something like the Pearls book which has been shown to lead to the death of children I am pretty live and let live when it comes to parenting articles and books. Oh and post 17 wasn't your post I never actually mentioned yours-but come to think of it yes yours is probably worse IMHO

 

[Saphira]

Post number 17 was pretty aggressive and venomous IMHO. And when I say I never see such venom aimed at views on the opposite end of the spectrum I should have clarified, that those posters here who seem to have a real issue with this article/book or those akin to it seem pretty blasé about stuff from the opposite viewpoint. Not just talking this thread but generally on babyandbump.

Not sure who you're referring to but I also don't see any inconsiderate posts here. (?..) For some of us who couldn't breastfeed for whatever reason the article is especially hurtful. For others who had to resort to sleep techniques for whatever reason this article is also hurtful. For those who cannot babywear for whatever reason it is as well. I feel like the author is very judgemental. She wasn't promoting her ideal style of parenting, rather putting those down who don't do things the way she envisions superior. I simply threw my thoughts out there on what I read, what this thread is about. I was in no way putting down those who parent to her rules and I haven't read any other posters doing so either..

 

[summer rain]

There are plenty of articles and books out there that aggressively promote the opposite too while at the same time saying that EBF, co-sleeping etc causes psychological damage and risks long term health problems or in the case of safe co-sleeping, even death. You're going to get people upset at both ends of the spectrum, its just life I'm afraid.

 

[Saphira]

There are plenty of articles and books out there that aggressively promote the opposite too while at the same time saying that EBF, co-sleeping etc causes psychological damage and risks long term health problems or in the case of safe co-sleeping, even death. You're going to get people upset at both ends of the spectrum, its just life I'm afraid.

True, I'm sure there are articles of all sorts out there putting down every parenting choice possible. You simply can't win as a mom I've quickly learned. At least with time it gets easier to handle. My daughter's happy and thriving so I must have done something right after all.

 

[TriChick]

None of that makes you not rude and aggressive in the way in which you post. Why swear and cuss in your post there is absolutely no need for it. And I still think if parents want to buy this book and follow it that is entirely up to them. I still really don't see the problem? I am not anti-parent led books I just don't read them; same with articles of that nature online. There is a very militant FF blog online that gives a lot of misinformation about BF, so I just ignore it and don't read it. Simples. As long as you're not talking something like the Pearls book which has been shown to lead to the death of children I am pretty live and let live when it comes to parenting articles and books. Oh and post 17 wasn't your post I never actually mentioned yours-but come to think of it yes yours is probably worse IMHO

Did you pick apart my post in particular? No. What you did is generalize every mother who opposes this article, without considering WHY they may oppose it. That includes me. The OP started this post to ask what parent's feelings on the article were, so we shared them. She did not ask us to read the article and then keep our mouth shut if we didn't agree. She did not ask us to read the first sentence then close the browser and look away if we didn't agree. She asked us to read the article, consider it, and then provide feedback regardless of our point of view. The mothers who opposed it and voiced their opinion were not doing so because they wanted to highjack the thread or butt in with their two cents. They provided their opinion based because that is why the thread was created in the first place!

My "aggressive" nature regarding this post comes from seeing a multitude of threads started lately in which mothers are insulted for their parenting choices. I still fail to see how my post discouraging the use of labels to categorize and judge mothers is in any way aggressive. If anything, my suggestion was for parents to STOP being aggressive towards one another for no other reason than to sleep better at the end of the day knowing they must be a better mother than Betty down the street for whatever reason. I support everything that was said in post 17, and take it as a compliment to be considered of the same mindset. It's about time we all were just as much concerned with teaching our kids acceptance by example than we are about what goes in their mouth and on their butt.

 

[TriChick]

None of that makes you not rude and aggressive in the way in which you post. Why swear and cuss in your post there is absolutely no need for it. And I still think if parents want to buy this book and follow it that is entirely up to them. I still really don't see the problem? I am not anti-parent led books I just don't read them; same with articles of that nature online. There is a very militant FF blog online that gives a lot of misinformation about BF, so I just ignore it and don't read it. Simples. As long as you're not talking something like the Pearls book which has been shown to lead to the death of children I am pretty live and let live when it comes to parenting articles and books. Oh and post 17 wasn't your post I never actually mentioned yours-but come to think of it yes yours is probably worse IMHO

And which part was rude? Just wondering

 

[Tiff]

As always, if anyone dislikes this topic or doesn't feel the need for it you can always click your "back" button and move on to other parts of the forum where you are more comfortable.

Speaking as a Member:

I personally don't feel that anyone has been rude, nor do I feel that we need to dissect "who's post was worse". There is no potshots being taken against each other, everyone has been very civil in their responses. Lets not try to make this into something that it isn't, and get back to the OP.

 

[summer rain]

Nevermind, don't worry I won't be contributing to this thread again. I am sorry if I caused any upset or offence myself. I personally find repeated use of the term 'bullshit' quite offensive but that is probably just me being British.

 

[Wobbles]

Post number 17 was pretty aggressive and venomous IMHO. And when I say I never see such venom aimed at views on the opposite end of the spectrum I should have clarified, that those posters here who seem to have a real issue with this article/book or those akin to it seem pretty blasé about stuff from the opposite viewpoint. Not just talking this thread but generally on babyandbump.

Another real issue on BabyandBump is when members have an obvious dislike for another after participating on other potential heated topics together and then choose to pick apart and flame future posts.

I see no rudeness or aggression on this thread until you targeted another member ...activity you accuse others of to be fair you have been guilty of before yourself.

Different opinions can be discussed without getting personal. It's only the members who make the problems not the forum.

Admin hat off ... Is BS offensive really that offensive nowadays? I'm British ... I guess the word doesn't bother me personally although I'm sure alternative words could be used ...like 'nonsense'! I guess I only pay attention when someone is swearing AT me if someone thinks my opinion is BS so be it lol! It would be good if members took into consideration others who do not find any kind of swearing appealing to read regardless to how it is used.

 

[JASMAK]

I never read the article. LOL...kind of scared to now. I think that mothers, in general, need to rely on their intuition more. The UK ladies often say on BnB "my home visitor told me to do this, or that"...and you hear mothers all the time saying their MIL or mother said to parent this way, or that. If anything, I think mothers (and fathers) need to trust themselves as parents more. I hear mothers on here mothering against what feels natural to them because family/society/a parenting book tells them so! We really do know our children better than anyone else. There IS factors that get in the way that maybe we would do things different..if we COULD. I think if we start trusting ourselves more, we WILL all be better parents....whatever that looks like for each of us.

 

[Eternal]

Personally I think very parent and every child is different, and there is no one way to parent, both for parent or child. The article has credit, in the sense that it has ideals, ideals of how to raise secure children, but they are someone's ideals and not everyones.

I breast fed my eldest for a week with some expressing for a few weeks mixed with formula, I did what was right for us, I had previously had sereve depression and breast feeding was difficult for me, especially has I hate my breasts being touched, my son had pyloric stenosis and was constantly sick until his surgery, it would have been impossible for me to feed him the amount he needed.

One of my twins never breastfed due to tongue tie and incompetent staff who failured to figure it out, he had expressed milk for a few days but I couldn't express enough so he went onto formula, the other loved brestfeeding and I should have continued but was worried about one brestfeeding and the other not, so I stopped and I do regret it,I did combination feed for a few months, but he had much more formula than breast milk.

As for never letting the, cry, lol, well in fairness my eldest didn't really, but the twins do, everyday, I can't possibly be there every second for all of them, I have three under three, so sometimes one will cry while I see to another one.

I do the best with what I have, and what I know, I learn from others, either other mothers or articles and research, some things work for me and my family and others dont.

For the majority, we all do the best with what we have, I sometimes look at others and think, why do they do that, but I am sure people do the same to me, and unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shows, who are you to judge.

I think the article has some credit but everyone's opinions do, generally i think articles that express brestfeeding as the only option make those of us who failured or chose different feel defensive, because ultimately, we all want what's best for our kids, but sometimes for whatever reason we don't choose that option, it doesn't make us bad parents, or failures, we hose differently due to the wider picture.

My eldesst was natural delivery, and my twins were elective sections as they were both breach, and I would have done anything to have delivered them naturally, turns out if I had one or both would have died due to complications we didn't even know about. Sometimes the what some may see as the lesser option, is actually a much much better option.

Mothers need to learn to listen to themselves more and trust themselves and not all the opinions of others, what's right for one is not always right for another.