EBF a newborn is hard with a toddler! Feeling stressed. :(

[sandilion]

I think i just need to vent. I was looking so forward to BF my LO#2 and now she's here finally, and EBF. All is going well, she loves her mummy milk - gaining weight wonderfully....but i am finding it hard with a almost 3 year old toddler to also take care of.

DH goes back to work next week after having the last 4 weeks off since LO #2 came along. I am absolutely dreading how i will manage with EBF and newborn who demand feeds while also keeping my son happy.... right now DH has been doing most of everything with DS,while my job with DS has more so been the odd nappy change and lots of kisses and cuddles. Otherwise DH has given him breakky and other meals showered him, put him to bed at night... kept him entertained during the day mostly... while I have been preoccupied with miss #2 and her strapped to my boobs which feels like 24/7 now.

But soon that will all be up to me. How do you other mums do it while EBF a demand feeding baby??

I was hoping to EBF her for at least 6 months (i have to then return back to work which will be shift work) or even 9 months like i managed to with my DS.... but right now i am worried ill find it all too hard and will end up quitting after just a couple months. If that ...

The thought of putting her on formula while she is so young bothers me. I personally would like to have her BF for at least 6 months minimum before i do that. But how on earth will i manage this????

Feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Any tips or any advice would be so appreciated.

It would be such a shame to throw all the hard work i have put in away. I suffered such painful latch issues with her and cracked nipples which her and i overcome all by ourselves. I still have to use a shield though as i have a bit of a flat nipple issue. I really want to make this work but worried it just wont.

 

[MrsMcK04]

I don't have any answers that I can offer from experience but I am in your shoes. My son is 21 months and my daughter is 11 days and EBF. My husband went back to work yesterday and I got lucky with an easy day at home with both of them

Here's what my co-workers told me to try.

Put older child in a child proofed room with toys (bedroom, playroom, etc) and sit on the floor in front of the door and nurse. Then they are contained to one room, can't do much damage since it is child friendly and likely won't get hurt.

Use a "nursing basket" filled with new/favorite toys and only let them play with it while you are nursing. Then when done collect the toys and put them away until next nursing session.

Read books with them while they sit next to you as you nurse

Watch movies as you nurse to help distract them.

Basically they all said all "rules" are gone while nursing the first few weeks. If they need extra tv, snacks, treats, etc just do what you have to do to survive. Then when LO is bigger and feeds quicker and more predictable then start going back to normal routine with older child.

Hope these tips give you some ideas of what you could incorporate into your day

 

[kajastarlight]

Oh its been a long time, but when my DS2 came along DS1 was 19 months old and DS2 was a hungry guy! My best advise is #1 - let your toddler have a little extra TV time durring a block of the day your LO breastfeeds the most. (helps a lot with cluster feeding) #2 - any short cuts in meals you can pre-prepare helps. If LO is crying for a feeding and your toddler needs breakfast, it helps to have the oatmeal already made so it can quick heat in 30 seconds - LO can wait 30 seconds #3 - try to make your toddler feel like he is a big help being good while you are feeding. My DS1 loved to rub DS2's head when I fed him. I told him it helped to keep DS2 calm and happy. #4 - remember, this will only be a short time in the grand scheem of things. You will fall into a routine and all will be well

 

[wifey29]

Those early days are tough with a toddler in tow. I used to sit on the floor and play with DS1 whilst DS2 fed, I set him up with crayons and paper, play doh, got his cars out etc. I also used the TV way more than I was comfortable with, but needs must and it doesn't last forever. DS1 liked us reading books too, the three of us still do this while DS2 feeds. On the days when it was just constant feeding I put DS2 in the wrap and he fed in there, so I still had my hands free. Even now I put him in my mei tai if he wants a feed and I'm busy making tea etc.

 

[CandyDay]

You will get used to taking of them both at once.
Have you tried feeding in a ring sling or wrap? Then you can have LO close to you and have hands free for your toddler.
Make up a basket of stuff for your toddler to do when you BF. Take it out only at that time.
Have your toddler bring you stuff to help you out.
Read to your toddler while your BFing.
Keep some easy snacks handy.

 

[kajastarlight]

Another thing I thought to mention - you will adapt! It only seems really scarry right now because you have the help and just can't imagine not having it. But once you don't, you will see that you will rise to the challange. After a bit you will probably wonder why you were so worried to begin with! And remember - formula feeding will still pose the same problems - what to do with the toddler while you are feeding your LO! So don't think you have to give up brest feeding if things get a little stressful. You can do it!

 

[Tulip]

Also formula feeding would require two hands while BF only.needs one once she's latched Definitely get a sling and learn to feed in there - I've just fed mine to sleep while ordering groceries and dancing.with DS1 xx

 

[apple_20]

I agree it's tough but really bottle feeding would take more time out to prep bottles wash them and sterilise so bf is great for having instant milk. I've used a lot of these suggestions putting tv shows on for toddler whilst bf reading books and getting him to bring toys to me ( to begin with he kept wanting me to go to him) toddlers get used to 'mummy's boobie milk' and babies get faster at nursing generally.

You can do it! Just think of all the time you will save in the future on days out etc not needing to prep bottles x

 

[Dinah93]

I'm going to fly in the face of opinion here and admit I couldn't do it. I expressed for 2 months until he learned to latch and came home, but once he was home I felt like I was a terrible mum to my toddler in the name of breastfeeding. She was used to my sole attention and suddenly I was giving her at most 1/4 of my time. To get my attention she began acting up, climbing on things, drawing on the walls, making herself sick. I felt like she'd had enough disruption in her life already at a very impressionable age, I was struggling to bond with our new son as I resented that he was destroying our previously happy home. I tried new toys, making nursing time story time, hours upon hours of tv where there used to be lots of activities and trips out, but at the end of the day nothing would change the fact that my 2 year old just wanted time with her mama and I didn't think it was an unreasonable request. I had fought tooth and nail to exclusively breastfeed him and the idea of quitting made me feel sick, but I hated the idea of putting a method of feeding over the well being of my other child. After doing a lot of research on breast milk I have to admit I was less convinced about the miracle properties than popular culture had led me to previously believe, and I made the decision to return to expressing, which is a much quicker way of giving him breastmilk as he could take a full feed in around 10 minutes, compared to previously being on the breast for up to 2 out of every 3 hours during the day. I could express at times more suitable to me, such as DD's naptime, while she ate her breakfast or lunch etc. I still breastfed overnight when time didn't matter, although I very quickly realised giving him a bottle of ebm settled him for up to 6 hours where a breastfeed only lasted for 2 at most overnight. In sibling studies, where one child was breastfed and the other not, but obviously raised in the same environment there has been shown to be no statistically significant increase in 14 of the 15 measures such as respiratory infections, stomach infections, meeting milestones, recovery time from illness, social interactions etc. There is a very small increase in cognitive function in breastfed babies. I got him to 4 1/2 months exclusively on breast milk, although mostly by bottle, then he had a massive growth spurt and we added in a bottle of formula first and last thing. I no longer feel like I would in any way be harming him if I had to put him fully on formula, and for us it would be a better alternative for the whole family, as he's a part of a unit not a stand alone entity. I'm horrified by the coworkers suggestion of shutting one child away in a room so you can feed the other, babies feed for hours and hours a day, I can only imagine how incredibly upsetting that would be to a 3 year old, most would perceive this as punishment. Don't mistake this for an anti-breastfeeding post, its not at all, but I acknowledge how incredibly hard it is with a toddler, it upsets me to see formula feeding demonised for very little reason - yes breast is best but formula isn't harming a baby, any no one should feel that they've failed their child or be embarrassed by using it. I tried very hard to make breastfeeding work but emotionally it was damaging my relationship with both my baby and my toddler, the most important thing is finding what works for you.

I know this is a controversial post for a breastfeeding board, but I felt like a failure when I added in some formula, I was embarrassed to feed in public even if the bottle contained ebm, I felt like everyone was judging me, I'd done no research myself and just accepted everything I'd heard about breast milk as gospel. It was actually my sons neonatal nurse who said to me 'the emotional health is as important to a family as the physical one you know - watch out for that' - and she was right I hadn't been at all. I was so caught up in making breastfeeding work I'd neglected the other needs of both children. My local hospital have just asked me to train as a peer support worker precisely because I present a balanced view, and they're worried that breastfeeding is becoming militant and an adversarial case of one camp or the other among mums. Find what works for you, don't worry about what anyone else thinks or tells you.

 

[kajastarlight]

Oh ya' don't get me wrong. Formula feeding is just fine. Not a darn thing wrong with it. I am a formula baby, my Mom is a formula baby, my DS1 is a formula baby... you just seemed like you really wanted to stick to breastfeeding so I was letting you know it may not be so bad once you are used to it and encouragement and all that fun. I couldn't feed my DS1 because we just couldn't get the latch thing down and it wasn't worth the headach. I pumped for two months and switched him to formula!
For the love of all that is good, don't beat yourself up if you end up formula feeding. Just love your LOs

 

[SarahBear]

I'm not sure it's a challenge with breastfeeding so much as a challenge with having a toddler and a baby. With bottle feeding, not only would you have to feed the baby, but you'd have to prep the bottle and do the dishes and buy the formula. I'm concerned about the challenge as well, though, since I'll have an almost 2.5 year old and a newborn in March. My husband will be home with me as he's a stay at home dad, so really, he's the one who needs to worry about feeding time! The part I'm more concerned about though, is that Violet also still nurses which means tandem nursing at night could pose an additional challenge. I don't know how independent in her sleep she'll be and she's used to be being able to cuddle her for as long as she needs me at night. Obviously once the baby is here, the baby will take priority (we bed share and I'll be bed sharing with the baby as well).

 

[HelenJane]

Hi, how are you getting on?