Embryo Donation - I Need Your Perspective

[haleiwamama]

I just had the egg retrieval a few days ago and we had 48 eggs. 41 were mature and 28 fertilized. Now I'm left wondering what am I going to do with so many embryos? I definitely don't want them to die, which leaves me with embryo donation... I was just looking for different perspectives about this...

Would the "donated embryo" once grown resent me?
Will I feel like I have 2 dozen kids that I don't know?
How could this affect the kids that will be birthed and raised by me?
I think I would like to know the adoptive families, and stay in touch on how the kids are... is that too unrealistic?

Idk... what do you guys think??

 

[jsquared]

Hi Haleiwamama--Have all 28 made it to 5-day blast?

 

[lanet]

You might be surprised to find you have quite a bit less on day 5. I had 15 fertilize and going strong on day 3 and then only 6 that made it to freeze. They say only about 30-40% make it. But you could have more or less who knows!
I struggle with this as well. I think about what if I always look around wondering if that child could be mine. Or what if the donated embryo grew up and fell in love with my child? For now I'll just keep paying for storage until I decide. It feels wrong for me to just discard an embryo.

 

[haleiwamama]

Jsquared, I dont know yet.. I guess I'll find out in a couple days how many will be frozen...

Lanet, I see that you've just got your BFP, congratulations!

 

[Rainshiny]

Hi ladies,
From the perspective of an embryo adopter, I hope you do choose to donate any extra ones! You could give the joy of a child to a person or couple who dearly wants a family.

Sperm donors sometimes give many vials, and so they are being more careful about limiting the offspring from any one donor, to be on the safe side, but with ED it is so unlikely that you would run into one of the offspring from your embryos.

Many places offer open donations. I think a website miracleswaiting is one. You could choose who to give them to, or keep it anonymous. Your choice.

It's really an amazing gift.

 

[amy8686]

Hi Haleiwamama,

This is something we've been talking about too, since it seems like we're going to have more embryos than we'd ever need. I personally am excited about the prospect of donating them for adoption, and I was surprised to learn that my husband feels the same way. Having been on this journey for so long, and being so desperate to have kids one way or another, it's surreal to think that we could actually help another couple.

I'm sure we would want to register so the child or parents could reach out to us if/when they wanted to, but we'd be ok with not knowing, too, and just having the information that we potentially helped another couple conceive... Conceive a child that happens to look a lot like us.

Just another option to throw out there: our clinic also gives the choice to donate extra embryos to science. You might look into that if adoption doesn't feel right to you.

 

[tinybutterfly]

I got lucky and only had 1 IVF-cycle, but we have 7 embryo's in the freezer we'll most likely will never use.

in our country it's not possible to know where your embryo's have gone to.
For that reason, yes, I would feel like I have kids I don't know about or who don't know about me and I would want them to know that we loved them too. I would want to see them grow up etc.
If that would be an open line I wouldn't have minded donating them. (In an ideal world I'd choose the couple myself too, but ok)

So yeah, in a few years ours will be going to science, eventhough I'm not 100% ok with that either, but out of all choices it's the best for us.

 

[haleiwamama]

So, we have 13 embryos of great quality that we froze. We'll be transferring 2 in a few weeks... I would like to do another transfer later on, but would prefer to get pregnant naturally for one, obviously.. But I know that may not be possible so Im glad to have embryos to transfer later. But still, Im pretty sure I wont be able to have 13 babies so I need to find some parents for sure..

RainShiny, how did you do your adoption?

RainShiny, Amy8686 and TinyBUtterfly, I will definitely be donating some of them... When the doctor asked us she said that the options were to dispose of them or to give them to science, so we chose science, but either way the option was for them to die. I felt like there must be better options out there.. Before I knew there were agencies that would assist with the donation, I had decided to do some videos on my YouTube channel, looking for possible adoptive parents... I just don't want them to die!

I would like to know the adoptive family and stay in touch (respecting the adoptive family's limits of course), send a Xmas card type of thing ... Medically speaking I think it's in everyone's best interest to have some contact too. I'm not sure how I feel about donating my embryos without knowing anything... what if the family is not nice? Or extremist somehow? I wont be able to raise them, the least I can do is make sure they go a super nice family...

 

[CanadianMaple]

I think you're awesome to be considering this. Unfortunately, I won't be able to donate any of mine because they are conceived with donor sperm and they control how many families receive a child by the donor.

I had 9 make it to freeze, and I just had a failed FET. I was worried about having lots of leftover embryos, but now am wondering how many it will take to actually get pregnant. I kind of assumed that with so many "great" embryos, it was going to work out the first try...

 

[haleiwamama]

Oh Becky, Im sorry about your FET Glad you have 9 though! But on the positive side, if you end up using all 9 and it didn't work, you can have one of mine! xoxo

 

[Sammybabies]

Aloha Haleiwa Mama,
I know this is an older post, but I am seeking a donor embryo. I live in Kaneohe and I am very open to communication. I have had multiple IVF failures with my own eggs, as I have premature DOR at age 34. Wishing you all the best!