jessesgirl13
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- Feb 17, 2016
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My husband is an amazing support system for me. He has been there for me thru thick and thin, countless emergency room visits, doctors visits, blood tests, etc. He had held me and reassured me everytime I had a negative pregnancy test, everytime I was devastated when I got my period, everytime we had a bad doctors appointment, everytime my emotions just couldn't handle it anymore. He is my rock, my strength, the strongest person I know.
The thing I forget sometimes though is that I am not the only one going thru this. Yes, it is my body that lost our babies and my body that had to endure the doctors prods and blood tests and my body that can't seem to get pregnant right now. But those babies that I lost belonged to both of us. And we were both at all of those appointments. But sometimes I forget because he is so strong for me.
The other day we both had a really long day and perhaps reached a breaking point. It was one of the rare times when he lets down his walls and shows all of his emotions. He told me that he was organizing the basement and found a tote full of baby things...blankets, outfits, toys that I have collected over the years. And a pair of little baby blue Converse. He cried and cried and told me it was heartbreaking to open that box and find those things. He knew I had them, we had even bought some together. But it is something else entirely to have an off day, then open a box, and have all of these reminders of what should have been. He told me that he can't stand it when people ask him when we are planning on having kids or why don't we have kids. He said that he can't even be around our godson anymore (he is the age that the first baby we lost would be if we hadnt lost it). That is why he hasn't reached out to those friends, our godson's parents, lately...it makes him too sad. Because even though we love him like our own, he isn't our own. My heart was broken. All I could do was hold him and comfort him.
The thing I forget sometimes though is that I am not the only one going thru this. Yes, it is my body that lost our babies and my body that had to endure the doctors prods and blood tests and my body that can't seem to get pregnant right now. But those babies that I lost belonged to both of us. And we were both at all of those appointments. But sometimes I forget because he is so strong for me.
The other day we both had a really long day and perhaps reached a breaking point. It was one of the rare times when he lets down his walls and shows all of his emotions. He told me that he was organizing the basement and found a tote full of baby things...blankets, outfits, toys that I have collected over the years. And a pair of little baby blue Converse. He cried and cried and told me it was heartbreaking to open that box and find those things. He knew I had them, we had even bought some together. But it is something else entirely to have an off day, then open a box, and have all of these reminders of what should have been. He told me that he can't stand it when people ask him when we are planning on having kids or why don't we have kids. He said that he can't even be around our godson anymore (he is the age that the first baby we lost would be if we hadnt lost it). That is why he hasn't reached out to those friends, our godson's parents, lately...it makes him too sad. Because even though we love him like our own, he isn't our own. My heart was broken. All I could do was hold him and comfort him.
