ERF rant

[loeylo]

Ugh, people annoy me.

We have decided to keep our 2 year old rear facing as long as possible, so purchased two seats which can rear face until 4 (or beyond, as will be the case with our tiny kid) - one with isofix for our car, and one without as a "spare" which is used in three cars - my parents, the in-laws and my sister. It's very occasionally used in taxis and other family members cars, but only when we are there to fit it.

It's literally the easiest seat to fit - the joie tilt if you are familiar - so no need to brace it or add tethers or anything. I've shown everyone how to fit it many times; plus she has been using it for over a year and uses all three cars at least once a week. Everyone knows how to work it.

My mum and dad always use it properly, no questions asked. Sometimes the belt isn't quite as snug as I'd like, but they follow all the rules like no puffy jackets and stuff. No issues.

Today I caught my sister putting on a puffer jacket and then strapping her in without tightening it enough (the straps were sitting on her upper arms) so I pointed this out to her and fixed it. She then went into a rant about how all her friends think it's cruel I still rear face her, they even looked my car seat up online, downloaded the manual, weighed my daughter, and (incorrectly) told my sister that my dd had to ff now since she's over 9kg. Actually, it says she CAN forward face from 9kg but can stay rf until (I think) 18kg. Also, apparently padded jackets are fine and it's cruel to have her not in a jacket in winter (she has car blankets)

Fortunately after explaining internal decapitation to my sister and showing her videos of the padded jacket thing she is on board now, but wtf? To her friends who have their own kids and are being judgey about me wanting to keep her safe.

Also, I suspect MIL and FIL have ff her as FIL made a conversation about turning round and seeing her smile or something, there's no way they can see her face when rf. I questioned them about it and they denied it, so I've just avoided them have her in the car since. They also continually make comments about her being "cold" even though she's literally never cold and takes her jacket off almost every time she wears one.

Is it really THAT unusual to ERF a tiny two year old?

 

[krissie328]

My son is tiny. Was below thr 10th percentile at 2. I did turn him around at 2 years 3 months because his legs were getting so cramped rf. It actually worked out well as hr started talking a ton after this and really interacted with us after that.

As for the puffy coat. No! No! No! Eh, I agree no coats in the carseat. There is lots of research to support the harm. We also use car blankets and layers and ds is always fine. We have very cold winters and this has never been an issue. I also heat the car up for 15 mins before we rush outside.

 

[loeylo]

In our car she still has loads of legroom rf (we have a big car) it is a bit ramped in my sisters car but not too bad. My dads car is fine, and I'd imagine FILs car is fine too, plus she's only ever in there to go about a mile.

I know we might not make it to 4 ERF but she definitely isn't getting turned yet. We have a mirror installed so she still sees us and chats away.

 

[krissie328]

I think if leg room isn't an issue in the primary car then rf is great. Like you said the other cars are limited on how much time she spends in them.

I'm sorry they aren't respecting your wishes. Its so tough when people think they know better than the parents.

 

[lau86]

To answer your question yes it is unusual to rear face a two yr old, I think most children go forward facing after the first car seat. I'm the only one I know that does erf. My 4 yr old rear faces, my 6 yr old came out at about 5.
Your sisters friends are ignorant, imo it's a bit weird and stalkerish to download your car seat manual!!
The thing is I know rear facing is so much safer than forward facing, I don't stick in people's faces though, what they do for their children is their business. Why can't it work the other way round?

 

[loeylo]

Exactly my point. If anyone asks why she is rf I tell them, maybe even send them a link, but I don't go posting about it on Facebook or giving unsolicited advice. I think my sisters friends were genuinely concerned that I was using the seat wrong now that I think about it. They are generally nice people!

I haven't really thought about ERF being rare because we didn't change her seats as such, we never had an infant carrier (our seat went from birth) and I guess on forums etc it seems more common than it actually is.

 

[BabyGirl999]

In regard to the puffy coat issue, I would have assumed this is widely known. My son is still erf as he hasn’t outgrown his first seat, but he would never ever be put in his seat with a puffy coat and I assumed everyone Knew this? We go to car first thing in morning and it’s really cold, and tbh he’s usually in his jammies (leaving older 2 to school), but I just put a blanket around him. Honestly, safety aside, I wouldn’t wear a puffy coat in the car myself, it’s too uncomfortable!!

 

[loeylo]

It's normally early morning she goes into the car too, we put her jammies and then a fleece all in one over them (it's really thin) and the put a blanket on when we get into the car and strap her in. She's so used to it she asks for her blanket every time she gets in a car.

 

[Witchrose]

"She then went into a rant about how all her friends think it's cruel I still rear face her, they even looked my car seat up online, downloaded the manual, weighed my daughter, and (incorrectly) told my sister that my dd had to ff now since she's over 9kg."

I actually laughed when I read that bit, because it's so ludicrous that they did that. Like, they seriously, seriously need to find another hobby if they have THAT much time on their hands.

If you want to ERF, that's your business. Not theirs. But you know that. So just do your own thing, coolly carry on, and let the judgmental twits sputter amongst themselves...

 

[_Meep_]

My elder daughter is nearly 3.5 and rear faces. We have the Joie Every Stage. She's tall and people comment that she 'cannot be comfortable', but if she wasn't we would have heard about it by now, believe me.

My youngest also has the Every Stage as it goes from birth to 12 years and can RF until 4. It's a brilliant seat for the price and we're absolutely chuffed with them. Everyone else can fuck off, basically. They're misinformed.

Picture is from May this year. She could cross her legs if she wanted to - she just chooses not to, unless she's going to sleep.

 

[Scout]

When dd was about 2 and a half, I was at a child safety event and a police officer told me I needed to turn daughter forward because she was too cramped and was in danger of having her legs broken in an accident. Seriously. I was shocked that someone who was conducting car seat safety didn't have a clue regarding ERF and how much safer it is. When I told him dd was staying rear facing and was safer that way and asked him if he had ever read anything about ERF or knew current safety recommendations, he called over 3 other officers to "see what this crazy woman was doing to her poor child". Thankfully, one of the three was a young man with his own infant who informed the officer that children should be rear facing until they reach the limit on the seat for safe rear facing (my seat has a 50lb rear facing limit). So yeah, I think a lot of people are just uninformed.

 

[george83]

I would agree that it is unusual for a toddler to be rear facjng still however I also think it’s totally irrelevant- your child your wishes. Whatever you say should be followed by anybody looking after them. I’ve had this when weaning all 3 of my kids and other people trying to jump in and do things I don’t want doing. It really annoys me as a parent you make the choices that concern your child and others should respect them

 

[_Meep_]

When dd was about 2 and a half, I was at a child safety event and a police officer told me I needed to turn daughter forward because she was too cramped and was in danger of having her legs broken in an accident. Seriously. I was shocked that someone who was conducting car seat safety didn't have a clue regarding ERF and how much safer it is. When I told him dd was staying rear facing and was safer that way and asked him if he had ever read anything about ERF or knew current safety recommendations, he called over 3 other officers to "see what this crazy woman was doing to her poor child". Thankfully, one of the three was a young man with his own infant who informed the officer that children should be rear facing until they reach the limit on the seat for safe rear facing (my seat has a 50lb rear facing limit). So yeah, I think a lot of people are just uninformed.

Broken legs vs. broken neck?

I know which one I'd choose.

 

[Scout]

When dd was about 2 and a half, I was at a child safety event and a police officer told me I needed to turn daughter forward because she was too cramped and was in danger of having her legs broken in an accident. Seriously. I was shocked that someone who was conducting car seat safety didn't have a clue regarding ERF and how much safer it is. When I told him dd was staying rear facing and was safer that way and asked him if he had ever read anything about ERF or knew current safety recommendations, he called over 3 other officers to "see what this crazy woman was doing to her poor child". Thankfully, one of the three was a young man with his own infant who informed the officer that children should be rear facing until they reach the limit on the seat for safe rear facing (my seat has a 50lb rear facing limit). So yeah, I think a lot of people are just uninformed.

Broken legs vs. broken neck?

I know which one I'd choose.

Exactly! Besides the fact that I've yet to find any reports of broken legs in toddlers still rear facing. (although irrelevant as I'd still choose a broken leg over neck any day)

 

[superfrizbee]

My dd was erf until she was 4 and she's big. Now my ds is in her erf seat. He's now 3 and nowhere near growing out of it. I'll erf him until at least four and possibly longer depending on what happens when ds2 needs a new seat. I've had some comments but I don't care in the least what people think. Your sister's friends reactions would make me angry beyond belief though!! We too do no padded jackets and have car blankets.

 

[Eleanor ace]

My LO's don't go in a car very often (we don't drive so its when they go in MIL's car or a friends) but when they do my younger 2 (4.5 and 2) RF. DS moved ff much sooner than I'd have liked because he got so travel sick rf'ing and choked on his vomit on two consecutive trips so we felt like there wasn't much choice (and luckily it is only a few times a year he goes in the car).
Many of DD1's friends (aged 4-5) rf and all the parents I know locally with 2 year olds. I would be so so annoyed with your sister's friends. If they are that concerned they should have properly researched. Where are they getting their information from; there is so much literature and information about safe car travel, how did they miss all that?!