Ettiquette on not using "Uncle" with brother in law

[yoshy]

Me and my SIL both asked one another what we'd like to be called by each other's kids. She gave birth on Sunday and I'm due in just over a month.

I'm going to be called by the Hebrew word for Aunt with my name attached, cuz my SIL's husband already has an aunt with my name who they call Aunt in English, so it was easier for them.

Can you talk to your sister about it at all? Personally, I think that in this day and age it's perfectly acceptable to call an uncle or aunt by their first name, or maybe by a nickname if they have one.
The people who my kids will call uncle and aunt will probably mainly be close family (which excludes people you're not close to) and close friends.

When I was a kid, my uncles and aunts were uncle and auntie whatever-their-names-were, but my favorite aunt and uncle both asked me to stop using "Auntie/Uncle" and just use their first names when I was about 12.

 

[2bcome3]

Neither myself nor my husband calls any of his or my uncles or aunties anything other than by their first names. Would myself find it extremely strange to call them auntie and uncle now... I do however refer to them as My aunt Mary when I talk about them to someone that doesn't know who they are... And now that I'm thinking about it: I do actually call my nan's sisters auntie... (But that's a comletely different story, has nothing to do with the original post and I don't even know where that came from either...)

However, back to the OP's question:
I think aunt and uncle are simple statements. They are aunt and uncle, as much as the rest of the relations: the grandparents are grandparents, your siblings are your sibling and the brother-in-law is a BIL. It doesn't matter if you like them or not, they simply are. It shouldn't really be an indication or closeness, it just states your official relationship.
Maybe thinking in this terms makes it easier to accept that he is indeed an uncle but no more than exactly that. A distant relative to your baby...

Also why not let the Baby choose what he/she wants to call them? You could just refer to them as first names when talking about them and see if your child decides to call him uncle so-and-so or just so-and-so...

 

[jenniferttc1]

I say just suck it up and let him be called uncle and save yourself a family feud.

 

[aliss]

Really hehe I'm 30 and still call them aunty/uncle!!

 

[xdxxtx]

I am not close with my brother-in-law either. In fact, I can't stand him. He doesn't have any respect for my position as parent and does whatever he wants, and I certainly wouldn't trust him to care for my child (he has 2 kids, and I don't know how they've survived with him)! Still, my kids do/will call him "uncle" because he's married to my sister. See, I think taking away labels should be reserved for truly bad people, not just people we just don't like. For instance, my FIL's wife wants to be called "grandma", which isn't happening. First of all, my diseased MIL (who passed away less than 3 months before LO1 was born) was to be called "Grandma", so we keep that title for her when we tell our LO about her and show him pictures of her. Secondly, my FIL's wife is such a horrid witch, who got us kicked out of our home and said that she wished for us to have a miscarry when we found out we were pregnant with our first. No, thanks. She does NOT deserve a title and will be called by her first name.

Perhaps you should reconsider... I mean, I'm not that close with my SIL, but I'd love for her kids to call me uncle and will treat them very well.

 

[smokey]

When lo was born my sil didnt want to be called aunty, she kept insisting her name was louise not aunty.
So of course I kept refering to her as aunty louise just to wind her up
She eventualy gave up correcting us and lo actualy too to calling her weasy instead.
They will pick eventualy what they feel comfertable using and will pick up on if the the other person isnt comfertable about it so at they end of they day you dont get much choice in what your kids call relatives, they will pick their own formalities.

 

[WANBMUM]

I think its perfectly OK to call him by his name, after all technically he isn't their uncle, only through marriage, the whole thing can confuse kids. My husband doesn't get called uncle by nieces and nephews on my side and its not an issue, he is an uncle on his side.
If anyone questions it, just explain its not the done thing in our family. No big deal.

 

[wristwatch24]

Really hehe I'm 30 and still call them aunty/uncle!!

Me too! I can't imagine not calling them aunt or uncle, no matter how old I get!

 

[fionar]

I call my maternal grandfather "Tom" because that's what he wanted to be called when I was born (he was JUST 40 and didn't think he was old enough to be "grandpa"). My cousins all call him grandpa, but my brother and I don't.

My aunt won't LET me call her aunt or auntie, because her name is Emily Dorothy and she didn't want the "Auntie Em" Wizard of Oz associations.