Ever wish...

[Lisa2701]

You had the guts to post on FB about your infertility problems?

I know it seems a bit strange to say, but I have so many people in my life who are pregnant right now, most of whom are on FB, day in day out moaning about all the usual pregnancy symptoms, and I am desperate to just to have to guts to say something. Even something simple like 'I'd trade you all that times ten to be in your shoes right now'.

Very few people know we are TTC let alone that we've been trying for over 2 years now, but even those who DO know are at it.

My husband and I woke to a text this morning from one of his co workers/friends telling him that she is 4 weeks pregnant and how excited she is, she's so shocked coz she's only been TTC for 4 months, blah blah blah. We both have her on facebook, and despite the fact no one knows she's pregnant yet (why she told DH is a mystery to me) she's got things like, I so hate feeling sick and so on. She KNOWS we have been trying for a looong time, she's been there when hubby's ran out of work to get pregnancy tests months after month, she's heard conversations that hubby and I have had about CBFM's and FS and symptom spotting and all the rest. I know she's excited but it just seems a little insensitive to me.

I just wish I had the guts to say something on facebook, not directed at anyone in particular but in general. I kinda feel like I am sick of suffering in silence, wish I could just come out with it and tell everyone. Its not that I want people to feel sorry for us, I just wish they'd appreciate what they have. It really IRKs me seeing people not appreciate being able to have a baby.

Sorry about the rant ladies, just feel a little tender today and I used to be able to moan to my best mate about it all, but now she's part of the equation.

 

[SunUp]

You had the guts to post on FB about your infertility problems?

I know it seems a bit strange to say, but I have so many people in my life who are pregnant right now, most of whom are on FB, day in day out moaning about all the usual pregnancy symptoms, and I am desperate to just to have to guts to say something. Even something simple like 'I'd trade you all that times ten to be in your shoes right now'.

Very few people know we are TTC let alone that we've been trying for over 2 years now, but even those who DO know are at it.


---


I just wish I had the guts to say something on facebook, not directed at anyone in particular but in general. I kinda feel like I am sick of suffering in silence, wish I could just come out with it and tell everyone. Its not that I want people to feel sorry for us, I just wish they'd appreciate what they have. It really IRKs me seeing people not appreciate being able to have a baby.

YES!!!!!!!!! I feel like I could have written this myself!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Skoer1360]

I agree, in my point in life people are having first babies left and right (I'm 23 so most of my friends are 21-28) and it does get annoying seeing the ultrasound as your avatar, the big huge belly pic you can't get away from, etc so I'm halfway decided upon either:

Posting links to RESOLVE and a general rundown of our LTTTC/IF journey during Infertility Awareness Week in April

OR

Once we do get our bfp (whenever the hell that will be) I'll let everyone know then: "We tried for x years and y months and after many tests, invasion on our privacy, and disappointment we can finally say we are expecting.." and that is just because I will be so elated we beat IF I want those struggling in silence, like I am now, to know there's hope.

 

[Melbram]

Im with you all the way Lisa! I find it so annoying and like you one of my good friends is now pregnant and moans constantly about it. She's knows what OH and I are going through but its also taken her 2 miscariages to get as far as she is now and still she complains

 

[Sexki11en]

I do post openly about our IF struggles. I've shamed people who have been insensitive and had messages from people who I never would have guessed are going through the same thing.

I've also had messages from people saying thank you for sharing, it's helping them understand something not enough people fully understand.

I posted a status on FB the day after my MC, thanking people for their support and letting them know we were successful but it wasn't meant to be. That post had almost 100 replies from friends wishing us well - even people I hadn't spoken to for years.

Most of all, it helps me, that people know we're struggling and need a little bit of kindness sometimes when the world feels black.

Do it -I have a saying, post and be damned. We deserve to be heard!

SK x

 

[flower01]

this is exactly how i feel too!!
xxxx

 

[Lisa2701]

Awww ladies, I don't know what I'd do without you, no one understand IF like those who are there themselves.

I can't believe anyone would moan after having 2 mc's, you'd think all the symptoms would come as a reassurance to you .

Sexki11en- Well done you!! I so admire people like yourself who have the guts to stand up and speak out. I don't know what i'd say even if I had the guts to say something .

I am at a slight cross roads today. I haven't been this upset about IF for a while, and I am starting to wonder if some time not TTC would help. Thing is, at the end of this year i am to have life altering surgery (gastric band, I am a uk size 24/26 but according to FS my bloods/tests/US are all normal and so "should" be in full working order DESPITE my weight) and so I can not afford to be pregnant at the end of the year. I have fought long and hard, and jumped through so many hoops you can not imagine to get to the point where I am being offered this surgery, and it really will change my life for the better so I am now thinking that i might have to go back on the pill in the next month or two. The thought really upsets me. by the time i have had the surgery, and recovered and lost weight, i will be almost 30, which I have no problems about except I had my son when I was 18 and so that means he will be a teenager before we have another baby, assuming I can get pregnant after the surgery.

Skoer1360 - Like you many of my friends are now having their first babies. I am 26 and I had my son when I was 18. Since starting TTC a LOT of my friends have fallen pregnant, moaned the whole way through, given birth, celebrated first smiles, first teeth, first steps, first birthdays, etc and some have even started TTC#2 so I know where you are coming from

 

[Lisa2701]

The day I get my BFP ( and that day WILL come) I am going to post this on FB....hankies at the ready...

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
I will be a wonderful mother, not because of genetics, or money or that I have read books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother

(author unknown)

 

[echo]

I don't post personal info of any sort on fb. Although probably half are family and close friends, the other half are co-workers and old acquaintances from high school and college and I don't want everyone to know my business, even on the days when I want to scream it from the rooftops.
Most people I know know what I am going through. It doesn't stop them from being insensitive. 3 years trying. 6 years before ntnp. That's 9 years and no baby. And apparently all my hormones are normal, so...oh, and my mother-in-law doesn't help, either.
Meanwhile my friends get pregnant by accident. As in, most of them. And moan and complain about clothing, sickness, doctor appointments. I have begun to avoid even hanging out with them because I am not in the mommy club and can't share stories of diapers and bottles and midnight feedings and tantrums. I am asked "when" and "why" and "have you tried clomid?" as if my fertility challenges are trivial. After all, isn't it supposed to be easy?
Sorry if I am a downer, really, I am trying to be optimistic. I am taking a break from ttc, which I have tried before but damn, this site gets addictive. I need to reinvent, figure out who I am and what I want to do. TTC has taken up LOADS of my time, energy, and money and I have neglected other areas of my life. I will get my BFP someday, just as you ladies will, too. Just think, someday you will be gagging and half asleep while changing a diaper and have to bring yourself back to this day when you were praying for a stinky diaper to change.
Best of luck to you.

 

[echo]

Awww ladies, I don't know what I'd do without you, no one understand IF like those who are there themselves.

I can't believe anyone would moan after having 2 mc's, you'd think all the symptoms would come as a reassurance to you .

Sexki11en- Well done you!! I so admire people like yourself who have the guts to stand up and speak out. I don't know what i'd say even if I had the guts to say something .

I am at a slight cross roads today. I haven't been this upset about IF for a while, and I am starting to wonder if some time not TTC would help. Thing is, at the end of this year i am to have life altering surgery (gastric band, I am a uk size 24/26 but according to FS my bloods/tests/US are all normal and so "should" be in full working order DESPITE my weight) and so I can not afford to be pregnant at the end of the year. I have fought long and hard, and jumped through so many hoops you can not imagine to get to the point where I am being offered this surgery, and it really will change my life for the better so I am now thinking that i might have to go back on the pill in the next month or two. The thought really upsets me. by the time i have had the surgery, and recovered and lost weight, i will be almost 30, which I have no problems about except I had my son when I was 18 and so that means he will be a teenager before we have another baby, assuming I can get pregnant after the surgery.

Skoer1360 - Like you many of my friends are now having their first babies. I am 26 and I had my son when I was 18. Since starting TTC a LOT of my friends have fallen pregnant, moaned the whole way through, given birth, celebrated first smiles, first teeth, first steps, first birthdays, etc and some have even started TTC#2 so I know where you are coming from

Don't worry about your age, Lisa. I am 16 years younger than my brother, but that didn't stop us from having a healthy relationship. Our mother was 16 when she had him and almost 33 when she had me.
Don't worry.

 

[Sexki11en]

The day I get my BFP ( and that day WILL come) I am going to post this on FB....hankies at the ready...

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
I will be a wonderful mother, not because of genetics, or money or that I have read books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother

(author unknown)

I have this printed out in the front of my diary. It goes everywhere with me.

SK x

 

[Armywife84]

I actually nonchalantly came out of the infertile closet with a status that people had to ask what's wrong. Surprisingly a few girls PMed and told me they were struggling with MCs, LTTC too. It made me feel a little better.

Although, just because you came forth about your struggle..it doesn't stop anyone on your FB from being anymore insensitive than they are now. They'll still post all over their FBs, still moan about their morning sickness, send you baby shower invites, etc.

One of my FB friends who fell pregnant after LTTC had the decency to PM me and tell me before she announced it all over her FB. I was definitely happy for her. Then every status after that was about her baby. When she always complained about pregnant women boasting about their pregnancy. Bit of a double standard.

After a while I deleted my FB because I was tired of the growing amount of pregnancy announcements.

Overall, I'd do it if it will make you feel better.

 

[cooch]

I just wish we could grow a baby in the garden like a cabbage patch kid!!! I don't get how my body can be so wrong yet I'm so healthy!!!

 

[shadowslegacy]

oh man i hate facebook but i love it at the same time. sunday morning 6 people posted there "were expecting" statuses which put me in a downer mood, i think facebook makes this journey very hard. im very proud for them, but i just wish we were in the expecting boat to

 

[Skoer1360]

Awww ladies, I don't know what I'd do without you, no one understand IF like those who are there themselves.

I can't believe anyone would moan after having 2 mc's, you'd think all the symptoms would come as a reassurance to you .

Sexki11en- Well done you!! I so admire people like yourself who have the guts to stand up and speak out. I don't know what i'd say even if I had the guts to say something .

I am at a slight cross roads today. I haven't been this upset about IF for a while, and I am starting to wonder if some time not TTC would help. Thing is, at the end of this year i am to have life altering surgery (gastric band, I am a uk size 24/26 but according to FS my bloods/tests/US are all normal and so "should" be in full working order DESPITE my weight) and so I can not afford to be pregnant at the end of the year. I have fought long and hard, and jumped through so many hoops you can not imagine to get to the point where I am being offered this surgery, and it really will change my life for the better so I am now thinking that i might have to go back on the pill in the next month or two. The thought really upsets me. by the time i have had the surgery, and recovered and lost weight, i will be almost 30, which I have no problems about except I had my son when I was 18 and so that means he will be a teenager before we have another baby, assuming I can get pregnant after the surgery.

Skoer1360 - Like you many of my friends are now having their first babies. I am 26 and I had my son when I was 18. Since starting TTC a LOT of my friends have fallen pregnant, moaned the whole way through, given birth, celebrated first smiles, first teeth, first steps, first birthdays, etc and some have even started TTC#2 so I know where you are coming from

Thanks, it seems to be really hard right now because there are so many people with babies (ranging anywhere from 5 days to 5 years) and here I am.. still ttc.. longer than others who are well on their way to the baby club I'm just very scared I will never have kids- adopted or otherwise because I will have spent all our money on trying to conceive a baby that we wont be able to adopt one.

That's amazing you're getting the lapband though, my MIL had one put in and she's lost about 150lbs and it definitely changed her life for the better and 30 definitely isn't too old nor is a larger age gap bad. I'm 9 years older than my sister and though I've been a bit on the maternal side towards her because of the age difference, as she's grown up we've gotten a little closer every year since we now have things in common. It's like having a neice.. except she's your sister and so if she has any questions about anything she'll come and ask because she doesn't want to ask mom. It's been rough- I wont lie lol, having a 5 year old sister when you're 14 is kind of a downer but I definitely wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

[Baby_Fever]

I sometimes wonder if I want to "come out" about my SI struggles on Facebook but the truth is that most of the people I have on facebook are family and friends with a handful of distant relatives and DH's cousins. The distant relatives I don't care if they know and fortunately they're all done having their own children - I have a friend who just had her second baby (she got PG with her first when we began TTC) and though she knows we're having problems and she has other friends who've had issues she still posts lots about her babies (she wasn't horrible about her PGs though, usually a PG status a couple times a week from the 2nd tri on). I had another friend who fell PG twice and every status was about her PG and she'd post a weekly photo of her baby bump with the fruit of the week and finally I just deleted her (we weren't close and barely spoke anymore). I do occasionally post my latest blog entry which sometimes talks about our SI struggles.

As for the age gap...I have 4 siblings all of whom are in their early to mid 40s - my mom had me when she was 38. I'm 28 (29 in the summer) and despite the difference we're fairly close and surprisingly they don't treat me like a child though I struggled with my parents doing so until mid 2011 (they've gotten better). My oldest sister will be 45 at the end of March and she has a daughter who is 24, a son who is 17 and she just had two more boy babies in the last 2 years - one is 1.5 and one is 6 months. My 17 year old nephew is pretty close to them and my 24 year old niece loves them to bits but doesn't get to see them as often as she lives a few hours away from her mom; my niece is also super close to her brother despite their 7 year age gap. My own daughter is turning 8 next month and desperately wants a sibling (she's as impatient as I am and can't wait to help me dress the baby and feed it and even wants to change diapers - can a mom ask for more?) but I always worry they won't be close everytime another fertility treatment fails and the inevitable age gap gets wider but I think it'll be fine in the end.

 

[cooch]

I really regret telling people. Event those who have been nice, I just wish they didn't know. I feel like they are constantly looking for bad news from me like vultures!

 

[Baby_Fever]

If I'd had even the slightest clue how hard this was going to be I likely wouldn't have told my parents we were even trying (I'd rather have them constantly ask when we're going to give DD siblings) because they wants updates and so I give them one and then they follow it with crap like "just relax and it'll happen" etc. Drives me crazy even though I know they're just trying to be supportive for me but they have no clue and I don't have the extra energy to clue them in. My mom went one step further though - when I told them we'd be taking a 6-month TTC break (at least) because I needed to lose weight before I could do the next form of treatment she was actually discouraging about me being able to lose weight! She seems to think that because my grandmother gained a lot of weight from her 40's on that I "let" this happen to me or that it's "normal/in my genes" for me to be so overweight - none of my siblings have weight issues so why should I be the one that it's normal for? I'm thrilled to be taking a "break" (we're not completely taking one, I'll still be charting and if there's an opportunity we'll take it) just so that I don't have to talk to them about anything TTC - when we do start back up officially I'm not telling anyone (excluding forum friends) unless they absolutely need to know!