Everyone's Got an Opinion....(long)

[Tiff]

...on how I'm supposed to raise my daughter!

I had a huge fight with my Mom today, as she is getting mad that I'm not "following" her advice on things.

Claire won't feed off of my right breast. I have a nurse coming tomorrow to help me with the feedings, but my Mom got upset because she got the impression that I am not pumping the right breast. She is of the opinion that one breast isn't enough to feed Claire.

I tried explaining that breastmilk is all 'supply and demand', and if she's exclusivly feeding off one side, that side will produce more because there's more of a demand for it. My mom was ADAMANT that she knew better, because that's what my sister in law had told her. I told her I spoke to both my doctor AND a lactation consultant, who both assured me that it was fine. It wasn't that I'm not going to try and get Claire to take the other breast, but I'm not stressing out over it either. Breastfeeding is so emotional that if I get upset and uptight about it it's going to do more damage than good.

So there was that. Then she took me to task because I didn't have an undershirt on Claire. Claire is super warm. In fact, when we were in the hospital she developed a fever because too many people were holding her for long periods of time and she was too bundled up. So if people are coming over I dress her in a thinner sleeper so the body heat doesn't make her over heat. Apparently that isn't good enough either.

When Claire was 4 days old, we had an incident with her choking. She's super mucousy since it was such a fast delivery, and my milk came in and it surprised her, and she took too much in. She started to chock, and we ended up calling 911. Claire was fine, and the paramedics felt she was fine as well. They said we could bring her in to the hospital, but that in their opinion she was okay. We were on our way to my doctor's office anyways, so I said if she wasn't looking any better then we'd get my doctor to check her out. We ended up missing the appointment (my doctor's office closed for lunch, then she was at the hospital for the rest of the afternoon) but Claire was fine, so we took her home.

My mother PUSHED AND PUSHED AND PUSHED for us to bring her to the hospital. She said we shouldn't "mess around". Normally I'd agree with her, but Claire was FINE, not to mention I didn't want to bring her into a hospital waiting room, full of sick people when she was only 4 days old. My mom was of the opinion that because she was a baby, they'd expidite her. I argued that since they "triage" people, if Claire was deemed stable they'd take people who were more sick than her first, regardless of how young she was. My mom was ADAMANT that I should have, but I refused. Claire was (and still is) fine.

It's just so upsetting to me to have her push so hard for me to follow her opinion. It's like she has to have control over the situation, or else. It's very upsetting to me. I flat out told her that Claire is MY daughter, and P and I will rasie her. She retorted that she "knows" better. Whatever.

Sorry for the rant. Has anyone else had this happen to them?

 

[brownhairedmom]

My mom does the exact same thing. I can't do anything as good as she can. I don't like putting undershirts underneath other clothes either because she's always warm. She was so warm one night I just stripped her down to her diaper and let her sleep like that because I thought she had a bit of a fever. My mother FLIPPED and told me I was just too lazy to dress her and taking the easy way out! And then, what do you know, 15 minutes later she had her up going "oh my god, I think she has a fever!". I obviously wasn't smart enough to figure out that she was warm all by myself.

Blahhh. Mothers are a great help sometimes, but they can also be sooo overbearing. I just tell mine that she already had her chance to raise her children, so let me raise mine.

 

[Hevz]

Sorry for this but....that's Mum's and MIL's for you babe


I find the "don't tell them anything" approach works best

or then there's theapproach (my favourite)




You need to tell her that this is your baby and things have changed, you need to make your own mistakes and this is how we learn. You're doing just fine sweetie and well done for persisting with the breastfeeding even when it was a bit tricky


Try not to ask her questions either and figure it out yourself (or ask a health professional)....you're probably not doing this anyway but I mean if you're asking her for advice then she'll think you're not competent or capable of making your own decisions and will keep trying to influence what you do.

 

[LaDY]

I so know how you feel hun...i had this with some random people that my OH treat as family however they are family friends...in the early days i was emotional and exhausted due to having a very traumatic labour and to make it worse i had his so called family member breating down my neck!...she annoyed the crap out of me...i was dieing to say F*** O***...but its so hard when they are close to yourself or OH. I used to get really upset and cry because i felt so inadequate (sp?) as a mother...i never showed my OH that i was so upset, however when he finally realised i think he was devestated that i felt like this...at one point she was even questioning why my son was crying!!...(i thought babys liked the sound of their own voice!) She made me feel like such a useless...not confident and a horrible mother...to such a point hun i couldnt take it anymore...i will not allow her in my house and i dont take my son their because for some reason she mistakes herself as his mother when we go...i just decided i wasn't going to let her make me feel like that no longer so i put my foot down and created distance...its the best thing i ever did and now i feel so much better (she still doesnt know why i dont go there!
Obviously hun there is a huge difference between some random family freind of my OH's and your mum...have you tried talking to her and explaining how you feel or maybe someone could do this for you?! Its really not nice and i think your mum needs to know how you feel and how you are always getting advice from health professionals and they cannot be wrong...

By the way congratulations hun...shes lovely...and shares the same birthday as me xxx

 

[doumauk]

I get this too from everyone. I just turn around and say " I appreciate your opinion, Ive taken it on board but what I choose to do or prefer to do is my choice" At the end of the day you know your baby and you have to learn from your mistakes. No one is perfect at the end of the day and as long as your child is healthy, happy and safe your doing a great job. My mum insists that if Salim cries its because hes hungry just because he licks his lips when he sees us eat. I have tried him with food and he is not interested. I just tell her he is still young and doesnt need or want it yet. She can like it or lump it lol.