Everythings getting on top of me......

[AS1]

I had my second D&C 4 weeks ago and to be honest thought I was dealing with everything well, and felt that I was getting through it better than my first mc. I even refused the counselling offered by the hospital as I hadn't been offered this with my first mc and felt I would have needed it more then!!

But today everything has just hit me!!! I was over cautious and told no-one about my mc this time so I've been sailing along trying to pretend everything is fine when I've just realised its not. A scan after my D&C showed that it hadn't removed everything so I really just want my next AF to come so that I can start getting back to normal again. I've had no sign of any ovulation and my hcg reading 2 weeks ago was stilll 991 - when I asked the doctor to monitor this she said they only do that with people who have a molar pregnancy?!

I know this is all probably hormones but I feel so alone right now even though my OH is downstairs!!! He tried to talk to me earlier as it was obvious I had been crying but I just made some excuse that it was his fault and stormed upstairs!!!

Also it seems like everything is going so well for everyone else I know right now, with babies, weddings etc.....I really feel someone has it in for me!!! This is probably just self pity but I just had to get this out of my system or I would crack!!!
Ta for reading.....

 

[surreysharon]

Oh hunni, i had my ERPC last week but it was my first, so i cannot imagine having to do it twice.

All i can do is offer support and let you know that what you're feeling is perfectly understandable. I have good days and then days full of rage/anger and i dont know which one it will be until i wake up. I try to control it but its still raw as it is for you. Try not to push your OH away as he is dealing with it too, lean on him and he will take some of the burden from you.

Alot of us in this group are in limbo - waiting on zero HCG levels, ovulation or AF. All waiting to get back to 'normal'. Its bloody hard and life is cruel but let it out and dont try and keep it in. If you cant speak to OH/friends/family then just rant on here and we will all 100% understand and help as much as possible

Big hug x

 

[Shelby2007]

to you. I hope things start getting back to "normal" for you soon.

 

[RobenR]

The nurse practitioner I see doesn't want to monitor my blood levels and I insist. She checks them now but originally wasn't going to.

I'm sorry for your loss and if you need to talk to anyone, we're all here. PM me if you need to.

*hugs*

 

[toby2]

I had my second d&c on the 2nd of Feb, its tough and it hits you at funny times hey?
Ring back for counselling,it wont be to late it may help
can you bring yourself to tell oh what is really up?he may not be able to help specicfically but at least then he could support you
being stuck in limbo is horrid- i never had my blood taken so i have no idea what my levels are but am just waiting for af as well
hope you are ok, it may come and go but hopefully you wont feel so sad everyday

 

[AS1]

Thank you for your kind comments..... they really help

Yeah my OH knows whats really up and he is very supportive bless him....but you tend to lash out at thoses closest don't you?!

I thought I would feel better today but after a crap nights sleep feel as bad!!!
I think something my so called friend did yesterday set me off - even though she dosen't know about the mc and it was totally unrelated. This probably seems trivial but I feel like I'm just less able to deal with things in general when I'm like this, its annoying as I normally have a "deal with it and move on" type of attitude!!!

On a positive note I got most of my tests back yesterday and they are all normal just waiting on the autoimmune one so really I should be happy?! It feels like my eyes are water taps that I can't turn off......