Expecting my second - ALL THE QUESTIONS

[Tristansmom]

Hi everyone,

Quick family background:

My wife and I are expecting our first child together. She has 2 older kids (10 and 13) from a previous marriage, who are with us very rarely (one weekend per month if that). My 5yo son from a previous relationship lives with us full-time. We won't be telling him till the 10 or 12 week mark that we're expecting a new baby, but I'm sure he'll be ecstatic - he's been asking for one for a long time! (It took 15 months on waiting lists etc. for us to finally get pregnant.)

SO. I have a couple of questions:

For those whose kids have a larger age gap (he'll be 6 1/2 once the baby comes), what kinds of things can I do to help foster a strong sibling bond?

He's been essentially an only child for a very long time, and reality suggests that I'll have to pay less attention to him once the baby comes. How can I help him not feel abandoned or ignored?

Finally, for anyone expecting a second (or third, or fourth...!), do/did you ever just want to play hooky from work to enjoy time with the one who's already here before the new one arrives? I find my brain is divided between obsessing over the pregnancy and wanting to savour these last few months with my special little guy. Gets me teary sometimes, damned hormones!! I just miss him so much and I know our relationship will change once the new baby comes. (Don't get me wrong, I've wanted this SO BADLY for SO LONG, but I'm also already nostalgic for my special bond with my son!!)

 

[seoj]

First off- don't worry too much about it all hun... in the end, you'll find the right rythm to you new family life and all will good It will be an adjustment for all involved- but as long as you love and support one another, you'll do great.

My SD (hubbies first daughter from previous marriage- who we have full time) was 14yrs old when we had our LO together. I'd already been her full time parent for many years (since she was 9)- so I'd established that relationship and bond. I'll say yes- she had a little envy at first. Not at LO, but she was used to being the only kid around most of the time, and getting that attention when people visited... and now there was this little human for her to contend with (on top of that my niece was born 7mos previous- so at family gatherings there were now TWO LO's). But the bond her and her sister have is SO sweet. They adore each other. Sometimes I wish they were closer in age- if only because our oldest is 17 now, and our time with her at home is limited. But I know, no matter what, they will always love and cherish each other. That bond just forms- regardless.

Before LO came- we made our oldest a "moments" book. A book with pictures and stories ALL about her. Something we looked through together- and then we both wrote a little bit about how much we loved her etc... she loved it! Cause well, being an only child for 14 yrs- she loves that attention! LOL.

Obviously all situations and kids vary- but as long as you involve your oldest, and get him excited for his sibling- I'm sure he'll adjust well. My niece was almost 3 when my nephew came along- and she did great! I'd expect a little bit of a rough patch here and there- but maybe not. Ya never know

Congrats and best of luck!

 

[Tristansmom]

Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm just really worried and anxious - I feel like, I've wanted this SO BADLY for SO LONG and what if I'm disappointed in the actual result, you know? (I know, I know, getting WAY ahead of myself...!!) And I'm just a little melancholy in general today - I think once I'm a bit further along it might get better...?

 

[seoj]

Oh I remember all the worry-- every stage... and that never goes away, it just forms into a NEW kind of worry (as you well know). But yes- little ahead of yourself. But that's normal- if not, then there wouldn't be so many posts on BNB about it! LOL

Like anything in life- all will work out in the end the way it's going to (despite our worry). And once your new LO arrives, you won't be able to imagine life any other way!

 

[Smille24]

We are TTC #2 and our daughter is almost 6. She used to bug us so much in the past for a sibling but the timing wasn't right. Over the past year her bugging stopped. She got a puppy for Christmas and refers to him as her baby brother lol. We asked her if she wanted a real brother or sister and she said no she already has the pup and if she got a sibling she'd sell it. She is too much. I know it would be a huge adjustment but because they are older we can include them on helping with the baby to get them involved and feel important.