Facing the ex

[MissEfendi]

Anyway, I took legal advice, i was very reassured, basically she said to me that my ex cannot make ANY demands at all because currently I am the only one on the birth certificate which means i have all the rights and control over Caden. I always thought it was easy to obtain PR for fathers but she explained that he could go to court and get PR but it is all time and money, first he needs to prove he is the dad ( I could deny this and waste more time and money for him to get a test etc) then she said, they would ask if I am ok with it being on the birth cert, if I say no, then he dont go on the birth cert, he gets an PR order instead( more time and money) then just because he has PR does not mean he gets access rights without my permission, so if I don't want him to see Caden then it means meditation and/or court...again, all time and money, and she said this will run into thousands! And even then, he would still only get supervised access in a contact centre and gradually over time a little bit more access depending on his behaviour and so on. I am so glad she reassured me, I was in a panic that he just applies for PR and he gets it just like that but no, it is all rather complex and time consuming!

She has wrote me a letter one telling him that next time he threatens, harrass etc me, I will be taking out an order against him for which he will be liable to pay for plus another letter saying that I have legal rights to Caden and he does not so he cannot make demands or remove Caden against my wishes. I have told her not to send them yet as I want to keep them as a last resort but hopefully it wont come to that.



After all his threats he finally texted me back and saying " When can I see my son?" ( Ironic that he will never refer to Caden by his name always 'my son' as he thinks he is possession and is asserting his control by making him 'his' when he has been a crap father!!) I told him firstly you owe me an apology and secondly dont you ever threaten or bully me again, he texted back saying what do I expect him to do when I dont let him see 'his' son.

Again lying and forgetting he said he was going on holiday for three weeks, we live over two hours apart, Caden is not yet five months and in that time I have been recovering from a horrible labour ( had an open wound where I was cut down below that was infected ) Caden was in hospital, plus he has been ill with jabs and teething, the ex is not allow in my house because he was rude to my mum, it has been snowing, and christmas...so it was very much limited to when and where he can see Caden, so far I have been tolerating him and his bitchy mum in a pub. I just cannot stand the lies that ex keeps dishing out, it annoys me.

I told him he can see Caden every other saturday for an hour at the local library, he just texted back 'good' he refuses to apologise for being mean to me. I will be putting the solicitors letter in my bag so that if he does start harrassing, threatening or bullying me, I will be handing it to him.

Its going to be so hard seeing him on Saturday, I feel sick to my stomach being in his presence, I also dont want Caden having his bad qualities and I wish I did not have to let Caden see him but I want to give him a chance with Caden and I want Caden to know that his mummy never tried and stop his dad from seeing him despite how horrible he has been to me and despite the fact he is not the great person/dad he seems to think he is!! But Cannabis does make a person delusional!!

 

[sweetlullaby]

Oh wow! Im glad you posted this i didnt quite realise how time consuming it all would be etc! Knew it would be expensive etc

But your being sensible offering him some kind of access he should be grateful and snatch it with both hands to see his son!

Its annoying that they refer to LO's as "THEIR kid" always when they are demanding something!

 

[teal]

I hope you get on ok tomorrow

I also didn't know how drawn out the process of going through court is. Thanks for sharing xx

 

[MissEfendi]

Oh yeah, it takes month, each hearing takes about 6 months so not as easy and simple as these men sees to think, plus you can refuse them access whilst its going court so it could be months before they see their child and unless you're an unfit mum, they are never going to get custody, so all that time and money for what?

 

[purpledahlia]

aw heidi hes a complete ass! Glad you saw the solicitor and she re-assured you, you've re-assured me too!

Do you think he will take it further?
Good on you for not taking anymore crap, there comes a breaking point for everyone, ive already reached mine, glad youve reached yours too. They need a slap honestly!