Failed icsi :'(

[Nayla82]

I just got my final blood test back and it was a no This was my 1st ICSI i had two 8 cells put back in me, That was the happiest day of my life, and now i feel like my heart has just been ripped out of my chest I cant stop crying. We paid out of our own pocket, and i dont know if we can afford to go private again? i have a million things in my head right now.

Does it get better the pain? Out of all days Today is also my husbands 30th Birthday and this news as crushed us to the core. Very bad day for me

 

[Please]

Nayla I am so very sorry sweetie, I feel so very sad for you. It is so unfair all the heartache we go through TTC, I wish IVF was a guaranteed success for us. I can't begin to understand how you feel but I do know this could become a reality for myself when we go through our first IVF. Please take care of yourself and take time to heal, try not to think about the if/buts/maybes, be with your Husband and comfort each other at this very difficult time. I hope you soon experience the hapiness in your life you deserve. x

 

[nhood]

Nahla, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine the pain that you are feeling right now. It is just so unfair! When its time again - try again, but do take this time out to heal. Also discuss with your RE the reason it didn't take. May I ask your age?

My DH and I tried IUI's twice and failed and IVF twice with ICSI and also failed. We were so about to give up, when we tried again and it worked. We are now pregnant with twins.

I can't tell you the reason it worked except that I was in a different mindset. I prayed ALOT and had faith that God did not mean for any woman who believe in HIM not to conceive. Physically, I was less stressed...I kept praying and living as if I somehow knew that it would happen.

I pray for you too, and know that God has a plan for you. Although it hard, stay positive and keep believing. Btw, I am 32 and my DH is 36.

 

[tansey]

So sorry it didn't work!
On our 1st go I was convinced it would work as IVF would overcome any obsticles but it didn't twice
I've also had 3 iui's (currently on round 3) and I tell you, you will get over this and keep on fighting.
You need time before you can try again anyway - emotionally and physically. Can you save up while you recover?

 

[mandy1971]

I just got my final blood test back and it was a no This was my 1st ICSI i had two 8 cells put back in me, That was the happiest day of my life, and now i feel like my heart has just been ripped out of my chest I cant stop crying. We paid out of our own pocket, and i dont know if we can afford to go private again? i have a million things in my head right now.

Does it get better the pain? Out of all days Today is also my husbands 30th Birthday and this news as crushed us to the core. Very bad day for me

So sorry to hear that honey..

 

[gilkar]

Sorry to hear that Nayla. You are still young, and next time, it will work, for sure .... just save up as much as you can. I get my blood test tomorrow, and I already know it is a no. Did a hpt. today.

karen

 

[Blue12]

So sorry to hear hun. It is very devastating. Take as much time as you need, but I know you will have the strength to go forward and get your dream.

Sending millions of

 

[bballbaby]

My heart goes out to you - I was in your shoes not that long ago.

 

[SweetJennie]

I'm so sorry about everything you are going through. To spend that much money and have nothing buy heart ache to show must be so hard.

 

[psp2011]

I know how you feel, I went through the same thing last month. I said the same thing "I can't stop crying" for about a week after. It would hit at weird times, like in the shower, or in the car when I heard sad songs. We are self pay too so it seems worse.
But it will get better. It is a greiving process for sure. You have to give it time. We didn't think we would have the money to try again. But we are managing to scrounge some up and will give it another try next month. That's it though. I have resigned to the fact that if it does not work next month, that will be it.
Wait a little while, go to your follow-up appt. then see how you feel.
So sorry it didn't work for you this time.

 

[psp2011]

oh, there is a thread for failed icsi, you might want to check it out, you are not alone!

 

[heathette]

So sorry sweetie, I hope the support and love you and hubby have together will be comforting to you both. In time you will feel better xx

 

[mrssunshine78]

oh no nayla i'm so sorry things do get easier, you know my story and i was absolutely devastated, well still am, but i don't cry everyday now, and am starting to feel more normal again. remember its completely normal to be absolutely devastated and like other people have said allow yourself time, and if you want to cry, just do it, bottling things in doesn't help.

 

[Nayla82]

God bless everyone for your replies xx it's been a few days now and my tears are so random, driving walking in the shops I'm so emotional and still so shocked it didn't work. My husband has started talking about it and keeps asking me what went wrong? if only i knew.

My period came very hard today and very painful, it really didn't work and I was secretly thinking the fs made an error and I would be pregnant but seeing my period made it so raw.

Again thank you all for your wishes will look into the failed icsi thread, I'm so so scared that as it didn't work first time it might fail again once i regain my strength will give it another shot, yet I'm so scared going through all of the that stress again but I want this so so much, I hope I get blessed soon xx

 

[psp2011]

God bless everyone for your replies xx it's been a few days now and my tears are so random, driving walking in the shops I'm so emotional and still so shocked it didn't work. My husband has started talking about it and keeps asking me what went wrong? if only i knew.

My period came very hard today and very painful, it really didn't work and I was secretly thinking the fs made an error and I would be pregnant but seeing my period made it so raw.

Again thank you all for your wishes will look into the failed icsi thread, I'm so so scared that as it didn't work first time it might fail again once i regain my strength will give it another shot, yet I'm so scared going through all of the that stress again but I want this so so much, I hope I get blessed soon xx

Nayla82,
The 7 stages of grief: 1-Shock & Denial, 2-Pain & Guilt, 3-Anger & Bargaining, 4- Depression, Reflection & Lonlieness, 5- The Upward Turn, 6- Reconstruction & Working Through, 7- Acceptance and Hope.
I think you will see that you will experience many if not all of these. I too did the denial. I was sure every twinge meant they were wrong. Then the week after my AF, I was dreaming that I would get pregnant the old-fashioned way. I was having some cramping the whole week from ovulation.
We don't know why it didn't work either.
But it sort of gives me some hope now in that I think "Well, sometimes it doesn't work the first time, it will surely work the second! Like if we try twice, the odds are good 1 of the 2 will work!!
So when you get to that place and you are ready to try again, think of that! That's my theory. Most people get it the first or second time right?
ps I had a bad period after too, worse than my normal. But yes, it does confirm the "failure" like slapping you in the face! And I too did not want to go through it all again, physically and emotionally. But a few weeks have passed and I am strong now, maybe even stronger than before. You will get there too. And until then, we will be here to listen any day, any time you need.

 

[annie25]

nayla im so sorry that it didnt happen this time i have been thinking about you lots!

i can only imagine how you ar feeling right now but remember that were all here willing you on and when when mentally you think your ready to have another go and you have the money too we will still be doing the same thing.

keep strong we will all get there one day soon hugs xx

xxxx

 

[JaniceT]

I'm so sorry

Felt the very same when I got my BFN after two failed ICSI's. The first time was the worst. Tears will flow for a few weeks. It's ok to cry it all out, I did.

Jut take one day at a time. After a couple of weeks of rest, then maybe look at other methods of funding the next ICSI. Sometimes the process of seeking ways to try again really helps pave a way to heal.

Hugs to you and your OH.

 

[africaqueen]

So sorry hun xxx

 

[Honeyblossom]

So sorry . Take time to grieve. Try and take comfort in the fact you have the two most important things a man who loves you and youth. Your time will come.xxxxxxxxxx

 

[LizzB]

Hi Nayla,

We had our first failed ICSI in February and it hits you so hard. We saw our Doc about 10days later and he was amazing at helping us make sense of it. We had a text book everything - scans, bloods, folicles, collection, transfer but it just didn't stick. He said they can't tell you why they don't stick, but they suspect that chromosome abnormalities in the embryo may play a part.....maybe that's just like natural selection?

There is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, you both need to work through it in your own way. It was my birthday the day after we found out and I got that hideous period on the day. That was miserable, so we went out to somewhere we wouldn't normally go and drank way too much.....

That was on February 2nd and (although i'm NHS funded) i'm now 4 days into DR on our second shot and on the next emotional rollercoaster. I do feel differently about it this time though, more relaxed and probably looking after myself a bit better. I certainly don't feel as anxious as I did the first time around. So if you can give it another shot somehow, it really doesn't feel as bad as I expected.

Hope this helps a bit and look after yourself and your other half.

Liz x