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Family Issue-Long

Starlight288

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Hi ladies,
In case some have not seen me here before I am knew to this board as I lost my baby at 14 weeks last Friday. I had my d&e Wednesday and am doing well overall.


Anyway I have family issue which has been around for a while. My MIL was nothing but rude and nasty prior to my wedding last July. So was my SIL but she's another story. Anyway we tried to sit down and discuss these issues with my MIL back in November and she chose not to and stormed out of our house.

The only other conversations we've had with her is her random guilt trip text to tell us to just put our feelings aside. So we've not spoken to her since. Fast forward to Feb when we decided to tell people about our pregnancy. My husband reached out to her one more time trying to fix things and no reply from her. So we posted on FB about our pregnancy and that's how she found out. Only reply from her was to make her own post announcing OUR pregnancy ( she's a narcissist in my eyes) she never once asked how everything was going, when our due date was , Nothing at all!!!

Now understandably my husband wants to tell his mother we lost our baby. But this infuriates me to no end. If you didn't care enough to ask about our living child you don't get to grieve them!!

I think the basis of my feelings are this nasty text message I got from SIL last Summer basically telling me she hopes I never procreate and my marriage fails. Although this was SIL and not MIL, my mil never once acknowledged this text or apologized for her daughter. Even though other family members did including her other son and her mother! So basically I'm hurt by this and while I know it's not the reason I lost my child it's still weighs on my mind. No matter how I try to push it out.

I just feel like I'm so tired of worrying about everyone else this is my child that I need to grieve and others feelings are really not important l. Especially when you didn't show any concern in the first place. If you made it this far, thanks!
 
So sorry for your loss. I'm glad you're doing well, but no doubt it will take some time to grieve.

Your mil sounds just like my mother. She's narcissistic too and walked out of my life because I refused to go over everything regarding my wedding and apologise to her despite the actions that caused the problems being her doing. It was just the last straw after many other issues. I haven't told my parents about my pregnancy. As far as I'm concerned she chose to walk out of my life and that includes any children I may have. She doesn't get to chose when to be or not to be part of our lives. Her loss not mine.

Your sil sounds like my twin sister. She called me a whore because I had pre marital sex... She feels she can say what she likes to me without any repercussions. My parents have never stopped her either and almost encourage her.

Urgh there's some ugly/toxic people around so my heart goes out to you as I understand how hard it is to be at the end of this sort of thing.

Problem you've got is they're in laws so your DH's family. If you tell him how involved to be with them then he may resent you in the end. All you can really do is explain to him how it makes you feel. Big hugs.
 
Thank you for replying and sharing your story. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this as well.

My husband has been really good at understanding my feelings and supporting me. I know he would eventually like to fix this relationship but that's for him and his mother. In my eyes I will never have a relationship with her or SIL and I don't know how my future children fit into the equation but I will not have my children in a negative environment no matter who you are.
 
What a pair of bitches:( Sorry for your loss xx I don't know what advice to give, just maybe have another good chat with your DH so it doesnt become a problem with you both atm as things are still so raw x
 
I really appreciate the replies. I'm not one to be so cruel but the things that have been done to me were cruel. In a way it's my only way to protect myself and my angel from their wrath.
 
Your MIL sounds like my mother and my husband's biological mother (he's adopted and my MIL is amazing)
With my first pregnancy, I told my Dad when I found out, and he passed it along to the whole family, except my siblings, one of whom promptly disowned me for not flying back to where my family lives. (thats a different story for another time lol) Then I got told to take the 11 week scan photo off FB because my parents were embarrassed cos i wasnt married. Which I ofc refused to do.

With the second pregnancy, I told my Dad, Mum, 2 siblings and grandmother all together, and the only response from any of them was my mum going 'oh. when are you due this time?' Thats literally it. Nothing else. no congratulations from anyone or anything. So ofc I got mad. Then when we posted on FB about my MC on Tuesday this week (Didn't want to tell everyone individually) my mum and my husbands biological mum (who is a nasty, toxic human being - again, a story for another time lol) both decided to go 'I'm so sorry for your loss' and I got SO mad. Neither of them gave a shit about the pregnancy, so they don't get to 'mourn' the loss of it.

rant over lol

long story short! Next time I'm just going to tell my Dad again. The stress from my mum is not worth it.

I also absolutely refuse to have anything to do with my husbands bio mom. She is nasty and poisonous and just an awful human being and I refuse to allow her to have anything to do with my daughter. DH feels like he owes her contact (which he absolutely does not.) and I'm happy to let him sort out his feelings towards her for himself. He can speak to her or whatever he likes, but I'll have nothing to do with her, and he respects that. He can also see how bad of an influence she would be over our daughter, so he doesn't try to convince me to let her see her.

good luck. I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you should from his family. :flower:
 

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