Ok, so here goes.
My sister and I have never really been close, we're very different and rub each other up the wrong way a lot of the time, without even meaning to. I think this has been made worse by certain things my parents have said or done over the years that has effectively made me feel like we're in competition with each other.
Anyway, my sister has just made a big announcement to family that she's 6 weeks pregnant. Obviously I'm thrilled for her, but at the same time part of me just thinks oh god...here we go.
In my Dad's eyes there is no bigger crime than being overweight
When my sister got married last year I was her bridesmaid and on the wedding day my Dad couldn't even bring himself to tell me I looked nice, because in his opinion I'm fat
She got married in a size 4 dress and he just glowed all day about how great she looked. My Mum, bless her, tried to overcompensate and then force him to tell me I also looked nice even though he wouldn't even look at me, and I just spent the day feeling about as rubbish as it's possible to feel. I couldn't wait to scuttle away after the meal to change into a dress of my choice and blend into the background.
My sister has always been thin - she had anorexia when she was younger and then since recovering has always been on some fad eating regime to keep her weight down. I'm not thin, I was as a teenager because I basically didn't eat in order to compete with my sister, but after growing a brain just thought sod this and became a normal weight for me. I'm curvy, even at a low but healthy weight for me. Well, since having DS I am definitely not at a low weight and nothing has helped to shift it!
Despite horrendous morning sickness this time round I'm bigger all over already even though I technically lost a stone in the first 18 weeks. I don't even know how my body manages to gain weight after pretty much only being able to keep an apple and grapes down for months on end!
I just know that I'm weeks away from the comments starting about how much I've gained this pregnancy, how I need to lose weight asap blah, blah, blah. How that's going to compare with my sister, how my bump is going to be huge in comparison etc etc. I know I should just let it go but it's hard. She'll also be bragging about which health foods and supplements she's taking in order to ensure her baby will be the next Einstein and I'll probably just want to eat my own head!
I know a lot of this is going to be pregnancy hormones getting the better of me but I could just really do without being made to feel like pregnancy is a bloody competition between us too. She'll be as bad as my Dad, as she's very patronising about lots of things and always has to have the answer to everything and I really don't know if I can deal with it. I just about managed not to kill her when she offered me a book she's just read about active childbirth when I was 10 weeks pregnant. Apparently I could have avoided a forceps delivery with DS (2 hours pushing, he was coming out with his head sideways) if I'd just refused induction at 14 days overdue, not been dumb enough to have an epidural (induction sent contractions bonkers, back to back with no gap in between) and actually educated myself before going into the hospital. My tongue still has the teeth marks in it to testify to how much self restraint was involved in merely politely pointing out that I was well aware of the benefits of active labour but that it doesn't always work out that way.
If you made it this far, thank you. I just needed to write that down as I can't tell anyone else and I already feel messed up over the predictable crap I'm going to get about how she's managing to do pregnancy so much better than me
And breathe.
My sister and I have never really been close, we're very different and rub each other up the wrong way a lot of the time, without even meaning to. I think this has been made worse by certain things my parents have said or done over the years that has effectively made me feel like we're in competition with each other.
Anyway, my sister has just made a big announcement to family that she's 6 weeks pregnant. Obviously I'm thrilled for her, but at the same time part of me just thinks oh god...here we go.
In my Dad's eyes there is no bigger crime than being overweight
When my sister got married last year I was her bridesmaid and on the wedding day my Dad couldn't even bring himself to tell me I looked nice, because in his opinion I'm fat
She got married in a size 4 dress and he just glowed all day about how great she looked. My Mum, bless her, tried to overcompensate and then force him to tell me I also looked nice even though he wouldn't even look at me, and I just spent the day feeling about as rubbish as it's possible to feel. I couldn't wait to scuttle away after the meal to change into a dress of my choice and blend into the background.My sister has always been thin - she had anorexia when she was younger and then since recovering has always been on some fad eating regime to keep her weight down. I'm not thin, I was as a teenager because I basically didn't eat in order to compete with my sister, but after growing a brain just thought sod this and became a normal weight for me. I'm curvy, even at a low but healthy weight for me. Well, since having DS I am definitely not at a low weight and nothing has helped to shift it!
Despite horrendous morning sickness this time round I'm bigger all over already even though I technically lost a stone in the first 18 weeks. I don't even know how my body manages to gain weight after pretty much only being able to keep an apple and grapes down for months on end!
I just know that I'm weeks away from the comments starting about how much I've gained this pregnancy, how I need to lose weight asap blah, blah, blah. How that's going to compare with my sister, how my bump is going to be huge in comparison etc etc. I know I should just let it go but it's hard. She'll also be bragging about which health foods and supplements she's taking in order to ensure her baby will be the next Einstein and I'll probably just want to eat my own head!
I know a lot of this is going to be pregnancy hormones getting the better of me but I could just really do without being made to feel like pregnancy is a bloody competition between us too. She'll be as bad as my Dad, as she's very patronising about lots of things and always has to have the answer to everything and I really don't know if I can deal with it. I just about managed not to kill her when she offered me a book she's just read about active childbirth when I was 10 weeks pregnant. Apparently I could have avoided a forceps delivery with DS (2 hours pushing, he was coming out with his head sideways) if I'd just refused induction at 14 days overdue, not been dumb enough to have an epidural (induction sent contractions bonkers, back to back with no gap in between) and actually educated myself before going into the hospital. My tongue still has the teeth marks in it to testify to how much self restraint was involved in merely politely pointing out that I was well aware of the benefits of active labour but that it doesn't always work out that way.
If you made it this far, thank you. I just needed to write that down as I can't tell anyone else and I already feel messed up over the predictable crap I'm going to get about how she's managing to do pregnancy so much better than me
And breathe.
