Family negativity about baby

[anjadoem]

Hi all

I just fancy a quick vent!
Basically I am 33 (eek) in 2 weeks time. Been with DH for nearly 9 years and married for past 3.5. Rock solid marriage that all family comment on how lucky we are.

Prob is that as our lives look so 'perfect' (great jobs, lovely house, good hols etc) our families are a bit 'why/don't have a baby?!'

My Dad said 'Babies ruin a marriage' !!

DH's Bro and his GF have got a 16 month old and so my FIL said last night - 'Don't you 2 rush in to babies - your house will be wrecked and time not your own. Before they had the baby their house was lovely, now she hasn't got time to keep it clean' etc etc !

My Mum has ALWAYS my whole life said 'DONT make me a granny!!!' and is shocked if I even mention the baby word!

So, it sort of keeps making me think are we being foolish even thinking about it, and will it ruin our lives? And will our families support us and love our baby?!!!
Arggghhhhh
All i hear from my friends is how their families keep pressurising them to start a family - our families are total opposite!

 

[babyanise]

thats really sad that they say that to you.at the end of the day,its your choice not theirs.do whats right for you and they will just have to live with it,im sure once the baby is here they will love it to bits.

 

[MrsGM]

it's your choice at the end of the day not theirs

my family aren't saying much, but we just spent the last couple of days with French family and much banter from them as to when it's going to happen

 

[PresqueVu]

Its NOTHING to do with them! You've had a good 9 years with your partner to get through all the stupid arguements and know each other well to provide good support - it sounds like you'd provide a loving, caring environment for any child you may have.

I'd been with my partner 6 years, married 3, when Aiden came along and it is hard. Its finding the right way to have a tag team going on so no-one gets overburdened and it can leads to snapping when you are both just so knackered that you both need a break and its just not an option.

If you just accept that a baby will change your life, and that you will not have much time to yourselves or with each other for a while then you'll be fine. I think its people who go into it without understanding that that find they have the most problems. For now just appreciate the time you have together and the freedom you have, and then when the baby comes along you'll adapt. And I bet they'd all change their tune when they start thinking of that new little life they'll get to meet

 

[mrsthomas623]

Oh my goodness! Babies are the most amazing thing in the world! They are very hard work but 1000% worth it!! How rude of them to say things like that to you. It is not about them, its about you and your DH and the fact you want to start a family. Also you guys have been together for 9 years... I do not think that qualifies as "rushing into babies"

 

[Elhaym]

I agree with all these ladies! Having a baby is your and your hubby's choice, and no one elses!

Who gives a toss if the house isn't clean? Having a family is more important than if the pots are washed or not. And not sure why your mum doesn't want to be a grandma? Every grandma I know adores their grandkids to bits! I bet she'll adore baby when he/she arrives.

You seem to be in a good stable relationship, together 9 years - to me it's a no brainer.

 

[Lara310809]

I know it's hard, but you need to do what's best for YOU. My dad always said "don't ever make me a grandfather", and even when I was pregnant he complained that I was making him feel old

When LO was born my stepmum had to book flights for him otherwise he wouldn't have come out to see the baby, and when he was here he was like "I feel old, you've made me a granddad and I don't want to be, I'm only 59..."

But he goes home and talks about her all the time. And when he came over to see her a couple of weeks ago, he was grinning from ear to ear; he is smitten with her, and he's so excited to see her. Sometimes what families say is a lot of hot air. Try not to think about it, and go with your heart. If you want a baby, TTC and they will have to lump it. And I can pretty much guarantee that when they meet the baby, they will forget all about what they said and go around saying "I have a grandchild!!"

 

[anjadoem]

thank you for your comments ladies. You are all so supportive
I suppose in my heart we will do what we want - but the nicest thing about announcing pregnancy should be telling your family... and that is the bit I am dreading.
However, I know that if (fingers crossed) it happens for me then I can totally celebrate with the lovely B&B girls!
So - get that champers chilling ladies as me and my gorgeous hubbie WANT A BABY so *tongue out* to our families !!
x

 

[Dani_87]

I definitely agree with everyone else. Although family is very important, at the end of the day it is you and your hubby's decision!