father on the birth cert?

[Becca_89]

Hi all,
Just some advice please
Im expecting my first baby next month and im very excited.
Some of you may of seen the story of the father previously.

But in a short story
Me and the dad were together for about 8 months when i found out i was expecting (accident) but best accident ever. He wanted me to have an abortion, which i didnt agree on for personal reasons, including me being unable to concieve when tryinf with an ex for a year and having PCOS. But i have my own personal feelings too and was overjoyed.

He has since messed me about and seems very confussed, he is 28 so not young but explains he wants to sort out his life and have nothing to do with the baby. His father is veryill with sickle cell disease and he has lost his job and is suffering with depression, so i have never put any pressure on him and i have shown him as much respect as i can.

We do not speak at all anymore, he rang me 3 weeks ago when a bit drunk to apologise and said he will give me anything i want, but i have not heard anything since.

Well anyway, he has said he doesn't want to be on his birth cert, but im unsure on what i should do.

What have you done?
How has it turned out?
what was best for the baby?

Thankss xxxx

 

[teal]

It's a difficult one.

In my situation fob broke up with me when I refused to have a termination. I received some awful emails from him around 30 weeks and then nothing. He cut all contact, changed email and changed his phone number. I tried to tell him when baby was born which is how found out he'd changed everything.

He's not on the birth certificate. He would have had to have been there anyway to be on it so it's just my name. If you don't hear from him then there's nothing you can do because he has to be present.

As far as working out goes, he's never met my son.

 

[Meezerowner]

Like pp said if your FOB doesn't want to be on the BC then it's his decision as he has to be present to sign.
But you can always have him added later if he changes his mind.

I decided not to have my FOB on certificate and it was the best decision for us in hind sight although I felt a bit bad at the time.

With troublesome FOBs I would defo err on the side of not putting them on because they can cause loads of problems if they are on the certificate as it gives parental consent to an unmarried father and all that that entails (if you were married then he will have PC anyway).
If FOB is wanting to be decent then you can always add them later if it is important to him.

I am so glad I did what I did as it allowed us freedom. Some bad things happened with my FOB and there is no contact. But I like the fact that he is not on the certificate and that they also don't have his surname.

 

[Ceejay123]

FOB has to be present anyway - So I'd wait and see. x

 

[ClairAye]

I'd wait. If he's not involved, he's not on there but if he actively plays a part then it's easy to add him.

In my opinion, it's easier to add them later than add them and remove them later if things change.

 

[Jennaxo]

FOB is on Calebs birth certificate even though he hasn't seen him in three years. I made the appointment to register Caleb and contacted him saying that I was going to register him, where it was and if he wanted to be on the certificate he'd have to show up. It hasn't really made any difference for us, but FOB really isn't bothered.

 

[Ceejay123]

I think it's always nicer for the child to have their father named on the birth certificate. I know a friend who's child got very upset at 12 when they saw theirs was unknown. x

 

[teal]

I think it's always nicer for the child to have their father named on the birth certificate. I know a friend who's child got very upset at 12 when they saw theirs was unknown. x

On my sons certificate it doesn't say unknown, it just has a line through the space for fathers details. I do agree it's nicer if possible though.

I did get very upset having to register my son on my own but the woman was so lovely about it all xx

 

[Becca_89]

Thanks all for your advice, i don't think the dad will be there, so don't think he will be on it. I will let him know when the baby is born, so it will give him a chance to want to be there if reality hits him, but if not I don't think id be able to do it without him there anyway. Xxxx

 

[teal]

You won't, so trying to give him a chance one baby is born is all you can do

 

[Christie2011]

My father wasn't on my birth certificate. I think at the time the hospital/county required the parents be married to add the father? Anyway I didn't notice until after I was older and moved out. I called up the county's office of records and asked them what I needed to do to get my dad added. They told me to just have both parents sign some document and it will be so. So we did and now I have an updated BC with both my parents.