Feeding frustrations

[SpringCrane]

I had a lovely breastfeeding relationship with my older son. Aside from mastitis in the first week, he nursed without issue for 18 months (I had oversupply and forceful letdown, but it was well managed). This time, things just aren't going great. We're almost four months in and we just can't seem to get a good rhythm. He gets really frustrated waiting for the letdown and then chokes on the milk. He'll cough, he'll suck on a paci to settle, then finally latch and eat. He seems to be finished on a side quickly. Then I switch and we repeat. He rarely falls asleep nursing, and it's only almost only at night when he wasn't super awake to start. His body weight is quite low, though his ped isn't concerned. I always feel like my supply is low (but maybe just compared to my oversupply last time?).

He's had about 10 bottles of pumped milk and always does well. I don't get much when I pump, though, and the time involved to exclusively pump would be damaging to my relationship with my 3 y/o, I think.

Every day I consider just giving up and going to formula. It's shocking that I'm even considering it, let alone considering daily, when I was so high and mighty about BFing with my first...

I should probably arrange to see a lactation consultant, but dealing with insurance, scheduling, etc is just infuriating.

I'm feeling really hopeless about it all.

 

[gingmg]

I have no advice really but I can imagine that is so frustrating. Maybe a lactation specialist or a local LA Leche League can help? Hope it gets better or that you are gentle on yourself if you decide to do things differently with this baby.

 

[ruby83]

That sounds tough hon! I agree talking to a lactation consultant would be a good idea. I mix fed my DS1 and continued BF until 7.5 months after which I went straight to formula as I never had a good supply. You do what you have to do and although BFing can be a lovely experience of its not working for you there is nothing wrong with trying something else. Maybe pump enough for 1 bottle a day, so your LO is getting the goodness of BM and you keep some supply, and the rest formula or whatever works for you. X

 

[laila 44]

You can definately consult a lactation specialist but honestly don't beat yourself up over it. If it isn't working then it's ok to try an alternative. If he is low weight then I personally would be inclined to give at least 1 bottle of formula a day and see how he drinks and reacts to it -- but that's me. I think you should be very proud of yourself bf for 4 months with tough feeds. As much as it is stressful for you it's probably not enjoyable for him either since something must be bothering him in regards to flow, letdown etc. Wtv you choose just know he will continue to thrive and all will be well xx

 

[callmedan]

I have no advice just wanted to tell you that you're not alone! I am 5 weeks in to BF and struggling so much, I want to give up nearly every feed, it is just so hard! You have done amazing to do 4 months despite all of your struggles, only you can decide whats best for you and baby but I totally understand the feelings of hopelessness
No matter what you decide you have done brilliant to persevere this far! Your baby will thrive on breast milk and on formula!

 

[jessmke]

My DD is very difficult to feed as well. She was great until she was 8 weeks old and then she went on a 2 week nursing strike (she only gained 8 oz that month). Once I got her nursing again she would also get frustrated waiting for letdown and pull off arching back and crying. She continues to do that to this day. Since she was four months old she has refused to nurse in public so I can't go out anywhere for longer than a few hours with her because she needs to be at home, in her room with the lights off (and sometimes sound machine on) to nurse. Very occasionally I can get her to nurse in the car, but usually only after swimming when she is really sleepy. She usually waits until her stomach is audibly growling before wanting to nurse and when she is awake she will usually only nurse for a minute or two until her hunger pains are gone and then she refuses the breast. The only time she has a full feed is when she is sleeping or almost sleeping. If I try to offer her the breast when she doesn't want to nurse she gets very upset, but then at night she sometimes wakes every hour wanting to comfort nurse. She has refused my left breast for a long time so now I have dried up on that side and the size difference between my breasts is ridiculous. I don't really have any advice except to say that you are not alone! I wish I was one of those people who loved breastfeeding but I find it stressful and frustrating. I am hoping that she will become less fussy at the breast as she gets older.

 

[SpringCrane]

Thank you all for the very kind words of support!

I had a phone appointment with a lactation consultant today, and she asked me to go in for a weight check. He was a little over 11 lbs at his checkup 30 days ago, so based on her hope that he had gained an ounce per day, she said he should be right around 13 lbs. Instead, he was 12 lb 1 oz.

A different LC happened to be in, and we talked briefly. She suggested I try to initiate letdown myself first and then feed him while I recline and put him on top of me. She suggested I supplement with a few bottles of expressed milk every day too.

I have a follow-up phone appointment with the first LC tomorrow. She sounded more knowledgeable. I'm guessing she'll ask me to come in for an appointment to observe a feeding.

I've been pumping every morning and getting about 2 oz. I've been stashing it because I have a few events this month that will have me out all day or weekend. If I give him a few bottles every day, I won't have enough breastmilk for when I'm away.

I feel really nervous about formula. I worry about quality control, contamination, additives, preservatives, etc.

This has me feeling pretty low.

 

[SpringCrane]

My DD is very difficult to feed as well. She was great until she was 8 weeks old and then she went on a 2 week nursing strike (she only gained 8 oz that month). Once I got her nursing again she would also get frustrated waiting for letdown and pull off arching back and crying. She continues to do that to this day. Since she was four months old she has refused to nurse in public so I can't go out anywhere for longer than a few hours with her because she needs to be at home, in her room with the lights off (and sometimes sound machine on) to nurse. Very occasionally I can get her to nurse in the car, but usually only after swimming when she is really sleepy. She usually waits until her stomach is audibly growling before wanting to nurse and when she is awake she will usually only nurse for a minute or two until her hunger pains are gone and then she refuses the breast. The only time she has a full feed is when she is sleeping or almost sleeping. If I try to offer her the breast when she doesn't want to nurse she gets very upset, but then at night she sometimes wakes every hour wanting to comfort nurse. She has refused my left breast for a long time so now I have dried up on that side and the size difference between my breasts is ridiculous. I don't really have any advice except to say that you are not alone! I wish I was one of those people who loved breastfeeding but I find it stressful and frustrating. I am hoping that she will become less fussy at the breast as she gets older.

It sounds like you have had a really rough time. Have you seen a lactation consultant? Do or have you supplemented with expressed milk or formula? Our babies sound very similar. I'm sorry you're going through this, too!

 

[jessmke]

My DD is very difficult to feed as well. She was great until she was 8 weeks old and then she went on a 2 week nursing strike (she only gained 8 oz that month). Once I got her nursing again she would also get frustrated waiting for letdown and pull off arching back and crying. She continues to do that to this day. Since she was four months old she has refused to nurse in public so I can't go out anywhere for longer than a few hours with her because she needs to be at home, in her room with the lights off (and sometimes sound machine on) to nurse. Very occasionally I can get her to nurse in the car, but usually only after swimming when she is really sleepy. She usually waits until her stomach is audibly growling before wanting to nurse and when she is awake she will usually only nurse for a minute or two until her hunger pains are gone and then she refuses the breast. The only time she has a full feed is when she is sleeping or almost sleeping. If I try to offer her the breast when she doesn't want to nurse she gets very upset, but then at night she sometimes wakes every hour wanting to comfort nurse. She has refused my left breast for a long time so now I have dried up on that side and the size difference between my breasts is ridiculous. I don't really have any advice except to say that you are not alone! I wish I was one of those people who loved breastfeeding but I find it stressful and frustrating. I am hoping that she will become less fussy at the breast as she gets older.

It sounds like you have had a really rough time. Have you seen a lactation consultant? Do or have you supplemented with expressed milk or formula? Our babies sound very similar. I'm sorry you're going through this, too!

I haven't seen a LC because honestly I am so used to it by now that I have just accepted this is the way our life is. I don't really feel like it is that rough until I write it all out like that, it is just a bit of frustration in our day but for the most part I just nurse her in her room before naps and that usually works well if she is sleepy enough. It just is a problem if we need to go out for longer than a few hours and she won't nurse when we are out, and then we have to deal with a screaming baby in the car the whole way home. Lately she has managed to happily go for up to 5 hours without nursing if we are away from home, so I think she is getting used to waiting to get home to eat. She is my first baby so I really don't know any different, I think it would be harder if I had a baby that fed easily and then I had to deal with a baby that was difficult to feed (like your situation). If we had an appointment with a LC there is no way she would nurse in front of one, even if they came to our home. It is a rare occasion when she will even nurse with my OH in the room. She is extremely distractible and would rather not nurse if there is something more interesting going on. She will not take a bottle, but she will drink small amounts (sips) of expressed milk from a miracle cup. I don't think she would ever take a full feed from the cup though. I haven't given her formula and only would if her weight became an issue.

Oddly enough every now and then she will nurse in a super distracting environment, like in the middle of a busy shopping mall on a Saturday afternoon, or one day I was out for a jog with her in the stroller and she was doing her hungry cry and she nursed no problem while I was sitting on a rock with the river on one side of us, heavy vehicle traffic on the other side of us, and people walking/biking past us along the pathway.

 

[noon_child]

Thank you all for the very kind words of support!

A different LC happened to be in, and we talked briefly. She suggested I try to initiate letdown myself first and then feed him while I recline and put him on top of me.

I was going to suggest this. It sounds like from your initial post that a strong letdown is still an issue (which is why he chokes/coughs). Im wondering if he relies on the letdown to feed him and once that isn't so strong and he has to do more work he stops feeding (this could be because he has an issue effectively sucking, like tongue tie, or because he has pulled away from the optimum latch position to try to stop the fast flow and so can't get enough out when the letdown slows). Or he could be taking excess air due to the choking and coughing which makes him feel uncomfortable and he stops feeding. Do you ever manage to get a burp out of him mid feed?

Reclined feeding like suggested above should help him cope with the letdown more and then from there you can see whether he is effectively feeding.

I know it can be really tough to devote so much of your life to feeding especially if you have a little one, but I think if LO accepts it, it might be a good idea to try more frequent feeds. This way your letdown won't be so overwhelming, the fat content of your milk will be higher and if your supply is a little low then this could boost it. I know not all babies will accept more frequent feeds but it is worth a try if you really want to avoid formula (and is often more effective than pumping - as long as LO has a good latch - which is what you'll have to do every time you give expressed milk).

Supplementing doesn't have to mean giving a huge amount of milk either. My LO was VERY low weight but to preserve her wanting to breastfeed and keep my supply up I was asked to offer 1- 2oz after every feed. She didn't always take it, so over a day usually only had 4oz total. It was such a stress to see her drink from a bottle so easily 4 times a day that in the end I pumped after every feed, but gave the 4oz to my husband to feed her when he got home while I went off and pumped in the bath, or on the recliner with a book, anything relaxing that took my mind off it.

 

[Tesh23]

Thank you all for the very kind words of support!

A different LC happened to be in, and we talked briefly. She suggested I try to initiate letdown myself first and then feed him while I recline and put him on top of me.

I was going to suggest this. It sounds like from your initial post that a strong letdown is still an issue (which is why he chokes/coughs). Im wondering if he relies on the letdown to feed him and once that isn't so strong and he has to do more work he stops feeding (this could be because he has an issue effectively sucking, like tongue tie, or because he has pulled away from the optimum latch position to try to stop the fast flow and so can't get enough out when the letdown slows). Or he could be taking excess air due to the choking and coughing which makes him feel uncomfortable and he stops feeding. Do you ever manage to get a burp out of him mid feed?

Reclined feeding like suggested above should help him cope with the letdown more and then from there you can see whether he is effectively feeding.

I know it can be really tough to devote so much of your life to feeding especially if you have a little one, but I think if LO accepts it, it might be a good idea to try more frequent feeds. This way your letdown won't be so overwhelming, the fat content of your milk will be higher and if your supply is a little low then this could boost it. I know not all babies will accept more frequent feeds but it is worth a try if you really want to avoid formula (and is often more effective than pumping - as long as LO has a good latch - which is what you'll have to do every time you give expressed milk).

Supplementing doesn't have to mean giving a huge amount of milk either. My LO was VERY low weight but to preserve her wanting to breastfeed and keep my supply up I was asked to offer 1- 2oz after every feed. She didn't always take it, so over a day usually only had 4oz total. It was such a stress to see her drink from a bottle so easily 4 times a day that in the end I pumped after every feed, but gave the 4oz to my husband to feed her when he got home while I went off and pumped in the bath, or on the recliner with a book, anything relaxing that took my mind off it.

Everything said above I second it! Good advice👍