feel like crying for my little girl-shyness

[Bex84]

My little girl is 4 and started school September. She has always been shy, despite socialising alot. Nursery said she wasn't as lo sticks a smile on her face and pretends ok. She tells me how she feels. Her speech is a bit behind but it is more connected to confidence though its hard for others to actually realise this. She talks at home but when uncomfortable goes quiet. She is doing fine at school and her teacher has recognised she is shy. Every morning as soon as get to school she goes quiet and whole body language changes. She is like he, I was selectively mute at school though they never picked up on it as they wernt really on ball and I wasn't desruptive. I made sure to socialise for children and made a real effort. She is an introvert like me. It breaks my heart she is finding it hard. I'm organising some playdates with children she likes but am desperate to give her a different experience to school than I had. Has anyone any tips

 

[Septie]

Oh, hugs to your daughter!! I am shy myself, always have been. Socializing is still unpleasant for me... No tips unfortunately, as it is something I still struggle with! It IS ok, however, to be quiet, and she WILL eventually have some friends to share herself with.

 

[Bex84]

Thankyou. I struggle with it to. I'm a total introvert and am happy with my children and husband. I hate talking to people I don't know and it was crippling at school. I wish my little girl didn't have to go through it

 

[yazzy]

Have you read the book 'Quiet'? It is about being an introvert and may give you help on things to do with your daughter. Definitely worth a read.
And there is nothing wrong with being an introvert...it's just understanding everyone is different.

 

[Bex84]

Thanks, will give it a look. I'm fine with her introvert qualities as same as my own lol, I was always been told off as a child for reading to much and not being sociable. Its more the upset for her of wanting to make friends and struggling. I protect her from comments from family members. My mil I very extrovert and doesn't understand mine and daughters personality type (and very much looking like son is the same) she I constantly out socialising and delights in talking to absolute strangers. She thinks being introvert is unfriendly and rude. As long as she's happy I am, unfortunately it upsets her especially with so many very dominant characters at school

 

[Bex84]

I think problem Is, is that myself and dh fully accept her as she is and adore her because she is a wonderful person, unfortunately others do not

 

[OmarsMum]

I'd speak to her teacher for help. Omar was the same at school, this is his 3rd year at the same school. His teachers are very helpful, they ask him to help around the classroom, they encourage him to talk about his weekend, vacation, etc. , they match him with children who are not too loud but not as quiet as he is. At home he is too loud and intense, At school he is a different child, he is quiet and he doesn't talk if he's not asked to. He doesn't even answer questions if he is not asked directly to answer even if he knows the answer. His teacher asks him directly by name to answer, or to recite a song they learned, she asks him to explain something on the board to his peers in class. This year he started to make friends (most of them are girls as they are not as loud as most boys at school)

I also found that envolving him in sports group activities is helping, he goes to a swimming class with his friend, as his friend is very outgoing and he is competitive by nature, he makes more effort to talk to his coach. He also goes to karate classes and those are really helping him in building his confidence.

I also ask him to read loudly at home, we list positive things that happens during the day, and we encourage him to say good morning and shake hands with everyone we meet at school at drop off from the cleaner to the security guard & teachers.

I don't push him to socialize when he doesn't want to, if he's happily sitting in a party & watching the other kids, it doesn't bother me.

I'm not an extrovert by nature but I learned how to socialize, I'm not shy and I don't feel awkward in social situations, but I prefer my own company.

I don't want my boy to be an extrovert but I want him to be confident socially.

 

[Eve]

K had a very hard time last year (kindergarten) as she was so shy and nervous.. it took her most of the year but she's much better now. She's still quiet and shy, and sensitive but she's starting to come around. I was always shy too and sometimes it made school difficult and even now I'm perfectly content being home with my family and hate new social situations.

 

[Bex84]

That's exactly it, being introvert I fine but I want her to have confidence to feel able to handle social situation. I have spoken to teacher so hoping they actually do help. As you say if she wants to play on own its fine, just don't want her to feel that she cant socialise when she does want to play

 

[Bex84]

K had a very hard time last year (kindergarten) as she was so shy and nervous.. it took her most of the year but she's much better now. She's still quiet and shy, and sensitive but she's starting to come around. I was always shy too and sometimes it made school difficult and even now I'm perfectly content being home with my family and hate new social situations.

I'm same, people go on about missing going to work as a sahm but am happy just with my family. I hated school and dont want her to have similar experience

 

[Bex84]

Thankyou for all the replies I really appreciate it

 

[OmarsMum]

That's exactly it, being introvert I fine but I want her to have confidence to feel able to handle social situation. I have spoken to teacher so hoping they actually do help. As you say if she wants to play on own its fine, just don't want her to feel that she cant socialise when she does want to play

Inviting older children for play dates might help, I'm helping a friend's daughters in reading , they are in PY4 & PY5, they came to our place today, Omar was amazing, he was talking to them, playing & reading with them, older children are less intimidating & overwhelming for younger sensitive children.

He also started to show interest in toddlers, he used to keep a distance from them, for him toddlers are loud & they don't listen, but after few times around a friend's 2 yrs old son, he started to know how to act around a toddler & how to initiate play.

He's also ok with one to one play dates with children his age, Earlier it was challenging. It takes 2-3 dates before he gets comfortable around a new friend.

 

[Bex84]

Thanks she does love older kids, the little girl we invited over is 10 months older as my lo is one of youngest but have noticed when gone in that the older children dote on her. I just wish the adults listened abit more. I know several times lo has tried to talk to them in Line and she is ignored which does not encourage talking. She talks all time at home. Thanks so much for replying. My little girl is very artistic and I think they often overlook her as she is better at that than more academic subjects. Though is fine at those to.

 

[OmarsMum]

Today we had a heartbreaking incident at school, we reached school early, I dropped him at the playground then hid inside to watch him, he was walking around nervously for 10 mins, there were children he knows running around, I couldn't just watch him so I went back to the playground & talked to him, he was holding his tears from falling I asked him why he's not playing with so & so, he told me that they always run away from him! They are not! They are running away from each other's & following each other, he doesn't understand that 5-6 yrs old play this way. If the play is not organized with rules he doesn't know how to join in, I had to take him in to his teacher, I was holding my tears, I couldn't talk, the TA was nice enough to take him out to introduce him to her son who I think is a bit older.

 

[Bex84]

Your poor lo. That is exactly how it is for my lo. She is generally ok if its structured