Feel really mean

[krissie1234uk]

Just wanted to get something off my chest and ask if I've been mean. My sister is a single mum of 3 lovely kids who are all at school (youngest in his first year). She doesn't work and has been trying to get herself into college and get some qualifications so she can get herself back on her feet really.
The problem is, she is struggling finding a course that is during the day and doesn't interfere with school times. The only courses she can find are at nights which is where the problem lies. She just phoned me up to ask if I could babysit next week while she goes to an introduction meeting thing, which I have no problem doing. The kids are fine and well behaved. It's just that she then asked if I could do the same every week from 5.30-9.30pm. My EDD is in just over 2 weeks! Is it unreasonable that I said no? This is my first baby, my partner works until 6pm so I would have to take LO with me when he is born and I don't know how I would cope looking after a newborn and a 4, 6 and 13 yr old at the same time! Not to mention trying to get into a routine and recover from giving birth.
She wasn't mad or anything, she completely understood but she said she had to ask... I just feel bad now. I want her to do well and get some qualifications but I have to look after my new family first don't I??

 

[Cariad_bach]

Well hun IMO you would have been mad to say yes!

Its great you want to help her and what shes doing is fantastic but when your just about to have a baby is a really bad time to commit to looking after other peoples children on a regular basis know matter how good they are.

The first few months with your first baby are always the hardest and maybe after the summer when your LO is in a routine and you've got to know each other you could help your sis out more but for now i think you did the right thing.

I hope your sis understands and that she manages to find someone else to help her xxxxxx

 

[krissie1234uk]

Thanks hun, I know she understands I just wish I could have helped a bit. She helps me out all the time! Ah well, bad timing all round I guess. I hope she can find another course at a better time for her.

 

[amanthony]

You're absolutely right--you have a responsibility to look out for your new LO first and do what's best for him! It's sweet that you want to help your sister, but you're doing the good-mommy thing by telling her that you just can't right now.

 

[Hevz]

Erm no way....think she was cheeky asking you. That would mean feeding them and getting them in bed too....not the easiest of tasks with kids, never mind someone elses kids



Don't feel guilty for saying no babe. This is special time with your 1st baby....you only get it once honey

 

[mz_jackie86]

O dnt think ur wrong for sayin no, but maybe if ur feelin guilty u cud offer every few weeks if she can get sum1 else, that way its not to much of a burden for u but ur helping her out at the same time!!? x

 

[krissie1234uk]

The only thing with that is that she doesn't really have anyone else. My mum works and doesn't fininsh until 6pm most nights, my grandparents are in their 80's now and it would be too hard for them, their dad is a waste of space and wouldn't help out just to make life harder for my sister. I'm sure she will work something out though. I really dont think I could do it, it would make getting into any sort of routine harder for me. She'll work something out, thanks for the suggestion though!

 

[lindypops]

IMHO you should be the one that's a bit annoyed for her asking you. I don't think 'I had to ask' is a very good reason, no matter how desperate you are. Now you feel bad - bt if she's already got three, surely she knows better than you how impossible her request is.
Though I'd probably be feeling guilty like you too...

 

[pinkmac85]

I think you did the right thing by saying no. You have to do what is best for you! If you still feel bad about saying no maybe you could work something out with her that she could find someone else to look after the kids but you could go over once in a while or something.
You will have your hands full when your baby comes, you don't need to be trying to take care of other kids plus yourself and your OH!
If it was me I think I might have been a bit upset that my sister asked me, she should know how much work having a newborn is!

 

[Pyrrhic]

No you weren't mean, I would have said the same thing.

Why doesn't she register with the open university? They do all sorts of courses, not just degrees.

www.open.ac.uk

 

[krissie1234uk]

Thanks for that, I'll mention it to her x