Feel so awful. having a really bad day today..

[student_nurse]

Sorry if I'm manipulating the forum but Im having a terrible day and need to let it out. Hope here is ok.

My SIL had a baby this morning, and its killing me. She is such a horrible person, no one in the family likes her, and she lied about being on the pill to get pregnant to tie down my BIL. She tries to make me feel bad in everything I do, belittling me and always trying to get one over on me. She will be LOVING the fact that she has the baby to use against me, as in her eyes, thats one to her.

What's worse is that we are going to see them tonight. Its a 2 hour car ride and we are going with my MIL and 2 SILs. They don't know about our situation and I just don't think Im gonna be able to cope with smug looks from the horrible SIL on one side, and 'ooh you'll be next' from the other. I just had a massive cry because I missed the bus and the next ones not for an hour, I feel pathetic.

I can't talk to anyone about it, as no one knows, DH doesn't want to tell anyone until we have had the second lot of results. I feel so alone in this and I cant even talk to my Mum or best friend who is in an IDENTICAL situation, even down to the sibling having a baby. I need her so much right now and I cant even talk to her....

I feel pathetic sitting here crying (at uni) on my own but I just do not know how I can face tonight. I need some support, and I know you're all strangers. but you've been so good so far and I HAVE to talk to someone.

I know DH wants to be cautious and is embarrassed but I don't think he's realised how much this is killing me. He went mental when he found out I'd even told my friend we were having problems and were going for tests, he said I betrayed his trust.

So as you can see I'm having a pity party right now. I will get over it, I'm going to treat myself to cake in a minute, but I think I might end up doing something very stupid tonight, I can't hold it all in.

Sorry folks....

 

[keepingfaith]

I totally understand how you feel. DH is the same for me..doesn't want to tell anyone, but I don't think he understands how hard it is to keep all this inside!

Both my SIL's recently had babies and it kills me everytime I see a picture or hear how they are doing! And to top things off I know they are both trying for #2!

Hang in there....

 

[Nicnac]

Hey hon,

I know it's awful, I don't think there's a lady in this forum who hasn't felt like that at one point or another.

We're here for when you need to rant.

Hope tonight's not too bad. Just concentrate on the baby and try and ignore any comments.

 

[puppymom32]

Student get it all out. We are here for you and totally understand.

 

[student_nurse]

bless thank you all. I feel like a total bitch for saying all that now though....We've just heard the baby is on a ventilator after going blue and is having a heart scan...not good. My SIL is delirious too as she's lost a lot of blood...

It has been the worst three days of my life!
Hubby has agreed to let me talk to people. My head is a mess of emotions. Thanks for listening and taking the time to reply to me. lots of loves x x x x

 

[jojoD]

Don't feel guilty pet, you have totally done the right thing by getting it off your chest. My DH is quiet and not big on discussing how he feels. He didn't feel comfortable with telling his brother, yet I have told some close friends and my boss about our situation. Talking to people on the forum in the last week has lifted such a weight off my shoulders. Like some of the gals have said, we know how you feel and have been there too. Don't think I'll ever forget getting the SA results but talking about how I feel has been such a help.

Lots of hugs being sent your way

 

[auntcarrie]

I think we've all had days like this.

Want to know what I think every time I see a baby bump now? I think.....




...."Bitch."

I'm a horrible person!!!

 

[inayab]

Hi
First a big to you, we all have days like that and i think coming on here and talking to people in the same situation helps so much. My sis just told me she was pg and she was not TTC and a part of me wanted to cry, but then i just thought about the baby and that my time will come. I know its horrible people sayin 'your time will come' cause you think shut up and it don't help, but its true. Just keep your chin up.

 

[MommySierra]

Hi there,
I know exactly how you feel...My husband has slow mobility and he does not want me to tell anyone...it was perfectly fine to tell everyone while it was my problem but once he got tested then it was more like "don't tell anyone" I turn to my girls here on B&B because they know where I am coming from and are very supportive...So far in the past month I found out three people I work with are pregnant...One of them wasn't even trying and shes having twins...So imagine how I feel...with every announcement I have to muster up a "CONGRATULATIONS" when deep down, a little piece of me feels like a failure and I feel like crying and always wonder why not me....every shower they have I have to hear "Nady your next" and I just smile and say "we can only hope"...Do not feel guilty about how you feel, only a person who has been in your shoes and has TTC can sympathize.
I hope you feel better soon and if you want to chat more please feel free to personal message me

 

[puppymom32]

bless thank you all. I feel like a total bitch for saying all that now though....We've just heard the baby is on a ventilator after going blue and is having a heart scan...not good. My SIL is delirious too as she's lost a lot of blood...

It has been the worst three days of my life!
Hubby has agreed to let me talk to people. My head is a mess of emotions. Thanks for listening and taking the time to reply to me. lots of loves x x x x

Hope things get better hun and I hope the baby is ok.

 

[BizyBee]

It is so hard to be happy for people when you feel this way. We totally understand that and we're here for you!

 

[student_nurse]

Thank you!

auntCarrie-Im also auntCarrie!!!!

No change with the baby as yet.

Thankyou all for not judging and understanding. You are right, only women in our situation can understand irrational feelings.

 

[Jessica0901]

Hi student, don't feel guilty, we all know how you feel, how upsetting and frustrating it is especially when you feel that person doesn't deserve to get pregnant so easily, I know someone who didn't want kids but "got caught" twice and hasn't been very nice to her kids, I just don't understand why its so easy for some who don't appreciate their little miracles. Good Luck and I hope the baby is alright.
x