Feel so guilty thinking about TTC so soon

[Elhaym]

Hi ladies,

It's been a week since I started bleeding, 6 days since my mmc was found at my 11 weeks scan and 2 days since my ERPC. Me and OH talked about what we were going to do last night and agreed we would carry on as we were (NTNP but I do use OPKs and check CM if it's obvious). But I feel so guilty even thinking about it now as if I am being disrespectful to the baby I lost..... can anyone relate to this? I want a baby with my OH so much and I am so sad we lost our little one, but I just know I can't wait to carry on trying it took us 8 months to conceive the first time so I don't know how long it will take again.

 

[AnneLouB]

Don't beat yourself up - different people grieve in different ways. I have started trying again as soon as possible after all of my miscarriages as this is what I need to do for me so i can get over it. It doesn't mean that I forget the babies that I have lost but I won't gain anything other than more heartache if I don't continue.

On a positive, I was told after my first mc that i would be extra fertile for 3 months after (it had taken us 2 years to get pregnant), and sure enough I fell again straight after. i did however go on to lose that one too, but because I had had a D&C, in hindsight, I should have let my body recover for one cycle which is what I have done this time.

Please don't give up hope, you have suffered a horrible set back but by beginning again does not mean that you are forgetting the little one that you lost, it is just the way you personnally need to handle it x

 

[Elhaym]

Thank you I've also heard that you are more fertile in the 2 or 3 months after mc, how true it is I don't know.

I've also had an ERPC (similar to D&C I think?) so I am going to try and wait for AF and allow my cycle to reset itself again. I know it will be hard to avoid BD if I do get ov signs this month though! I've heard of docs saying it is OK to try again straight away, but that usually seems to be after an early natural mc whereas mine was a mmc found at 11 weeks, so I think it'll be a good idea to wait for AF first and let everything get back to how it was.

Good luck and baby dust to you hun

 

[AnneLouB]

Yours sounds the same as my mmc in Feb, and we tried again straight after and fell preganant. Like I said, in hindsight, although the docs had said it would be ok, they went on to say after I miscarried again that I put myself more at risk by not having one AF inbetween.

Hopefully your body will sort itself out soon and you can get back to trying again. I know its ahrd to not try especially when you know when you are ovulating, but it will be better in the long run - I would hate for the same thing that happened to me to happen to you x

 

[MermaidMom]

ive never felt this way as i believe in reincarnation when it comes to miscarriage. my babies never had their chance in this world and i believe the two little souls that came to me in the first two pregnancies will come to me again. i dont try to force my beliefs on other people, but if thinking of it that way brings you some hope then i feel its worth sharing. if you believe your baby is gone forever, seek comfort in knowing that any new baby wouldnt replace the baby you already had... he or she would just bring joy and hope where once there was sadness and pain.

 

[EMC0528]

I am so sorry for you loss. I also tried tried for 8 months and lost my little pea at 7 weeks. DH and I asked the doctor when we could try again and he said as soon as I felt ready. We started as soon as the bleeding stopped. I took the loss very hard and still find myself crying over it 4 weeks later, but I want more than anything to bring a new life into this world to care for and love. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

We haven't used opk's yet, just a lot. Now that AF has shown up and I can sort of guess when I may ovulate and I'll use the opk's just to confirm.

If you feel ready, then I think it's great that you try again.

 

[girlibird]

i started bleeding on the 19th had no sign of spotting or anything today and i am again going to start trying tonight being the first night since my world collapsed around me on the 19th when i found out my bean was no longer with us .. i also feel quilty but if my body is not ready then im hoping it just wont happen straight away i never ever want to go through this agan such a sad sad time for me..but the thought of being pregnnat again lifts my spirits so onwards and upwards xx

 

[Elhaym]

Thanks ladies, I guess it's only natural to feel such a mix of emotions, we have to do what we feel is right

 

[mrsrof]

Honey I'm in the same place as you. DH and I are now in the stage where we just want to get pregnant again and move on. It does make me feel a little bit guilty sometimes. Having a hard time convincing DH that we should try immediately though. The gynae doc said to wait till after AF, so he's adamant that we're going to wait until after AF, cause that's what the doc said It's nice that he listens, but at the same time I really just would like to NTNP for this month, but he's insisting on using protection atm.

 

[SatansSprite]

I'd love to start trying again right away here. Unfortunately my OB wants me to have a special ultrasound scan thing done which requires me to hold off on that, because it has to be done right after I stop bleeding when uterine lining is at the thinnest. It could happen first cycle, or could take several but I've got my fingers crossed for it getting done sooner rather than later so OH and I can start TTC again.

 

[Elhaym]

mrsrof - haha I think we are just the same, my OH has also said the same, I think he's worried about going against what the docs say. I think I will wait for AF if that's what he wants then I know he's OK with it, such a pain to wait though. At least we'll know everything is back to normal again. I'll wait with you!

SatansSprite - hope the scan is done soon then you can get back to TTC. It's hard when you have to wait and it's all you can think about! x