Feeling a bit scared and overwhelmed

[katy1310]

Hi everyone

I'm just taking a sneaky peek at this board because we have found out this week that I am not going to go full term.

Everything was absolutely fine with the pregnancy, my 20 week scan was totally perfect. I felt great all along, went to my 25 week midwife appointment on Tuesday last week and my blood pressure was high.

She asked me to lie down in a dark room for 30 minutes and she checked it again and it still wasn't down, so she phoned the Borders General Hospital where I am due to give birth (my appointments are all at the local midwife-led maternity unit) and they said to come home for the day and have total rest then go back to the midwife the next day and get it checked again.

It was still high so I was sent off to the Borders General and they put me on the monitor for 30 minutes, took blood, tested my urine etc and sent me home. I was to go back to the local midwife on Friday to have my bp checked again and it was still high plus she found a trace of protein in my urine. She said I was to go back up to the Borders General again but that I wouldn't need an overnight bag (famous last words!)

At BGH I got put on the CTG monitor and the baby was fine, yet more blood and urine tests etc and various doctors came and looked at me and so on then it was decided I was to stay in overnight. I had not a thing with me so had to phone my friend who lives nearby (we live 35 miles away from the hospital) to see if I could borrow some stuff from her. She very kindly went to the 24 hour Asda and bought me everything I needed and brought it over.

Next day the consultant came to see me and felt my stomach and asked how far along I was. When I said 26 weeks he kind of shook his head and tutted and said for 26 weeks i should be carrying higher. He took us straight through for a scan and said that the baby was measuring 25 weeks, there was a reduction in amniotic fluid and a reduction in blood flow to the baby. He also wrote in my notes that my uterus was measuring 20 weeks.

They started talking about pre eclampsia.

I was allowed home and got myself all worked up the next morning so DH said we should go across to the midwife here and see if she could help with all the questions that were buzzing round in my head. So many people had told me so many things and ended up just scaring me because I didn't understand them.

The midwife sent me back off to BGH AGAIN as my bp was still high and this time I took a bag just in case and they kept me again. The decided to put me onto blood pressure tablets that night and by the time DH left to come home it had gone down a bit. However, next morning it was higher than ever! They decided to double the dose and put me onto 75mg aspirin as well.

I got taken for a more detailed scan so they could measure the fluid and blood flow to the placenta. The consultant (a lovely man this time, unlike the one who had scared me on Saturday), said that the baby is a little bit on the small side but not tiny. He said its size is consistent with a mum who is developing pre eclampsia but that there was still enough fluid and blood flow, it was just very very slightly reduced. He said they would do daily scans to check this, and that as soon as there came a point where it was better for the baby to be out than in, then they would deliver the baby. He said it's all just a balancing act at the moment, keeping the baby where it's safest.

He said we are looking at weeks rather than months for delivery, and that he would love to get me to 30 weeks but we have to just take every day at a time. I'm 26+3 today. This really really scared me as it was really the last thing we were expecting after everything being so good up till just a few days before. I was terrified at the thought of losing the baby etc although now we have read a lot of encouraging stories.

They gave me steroid injections to mature the lungs. I hope these make a big difference to the baby's chances if he or she comes very early.

So now it's really just a waiting game, taking each day as it comes. I just feel so scared because it's still so very early and we want this baby so much.

Things were looking quite good yesterday when we went to the hospital - nothing had changed at all on the scan, my blood pressure had gone down a LOT - it was 121/77 at one point and the bottom number even went down to 66 sometime! It was away up at 157/113 at its worst over the past week and had never been below about 94 on the bottom all week. They said it was the bottom number they are concerned about. They don't want to see me again till tomorrow so at least we get a day off today. It's such a trek on a daily basis when we are already feeling exhausted and emotional.

We got to speak to a paediatrician yetserday but she was not able to tell us much. We really just wanted to know what it's like having a baby in scbu, whether our baby might have a good chance etc.

I am very very scared in case it had to come within the next few days and doesn't have much chance of survival. I know I sound pessimistic but I have really been on a rollercoaster of emotions, being thrown suddenly from a wonderful pregnancy with no problems to daily hospital visits, overnight stays and talk of a premature baby. I am desperately trying to tell myself that no amount of worrying is going to change anything....

Sorry this is such a long post but I'm hoping there are some people on here who have been in a similar situation and might have some positive stories to tell me. Is the way I am feeling normal under the circumstances? I have done so much crying and I'm struggling to get my head around suddenly having a baby within the next days or weeks which we will not be able to bring home immediately...we were meant to have until mid June and it's only March, it's just so very very early and I am really scared for the baby.

 

[Marleysgirl]

I'm just taking a sneaky peek at this board because we have found out this week that I am not going to go full term.

Welcome, and let's start with a huge hug It is incredibly scary to learn that your baby is going to make an early appearance, when you had your life planned around a 40 week pregnancy with a full-term baby. Please do stay around this area of the forum - we will answer any questions you have - and you can read the inspiring stories.

... my blood pressure was high.

Whilst I didn't have PE, I understand that it can be dangerous, so it's good that this was spotted early. I'm quoting this bit for a bit of light-hearted relief ... My OH is waiting for a kidney stone operation, been waiting since last November, been given anti-inflammatory tablets. He got as far as pre-op assessments and was suddenly diagnosed with high blood pressure, never had it before. For the last three months they've been trying to get it down with tablets, to no avail. Turns out that not only do the kidney problems cause high BP, but so do the anti-inflam tablets! Durrrrrrrrrr! They stopped those a week ago and - hey presto - his BP immediately dropped. Another two weeks of low readings and he can go back onto the waiting list for the operation.

I got taken for a more detailed scan so they could measure the fluid and blood flow to the placenta. The consultant (a lovely man this time, unlike the one who had scared me on Saturday), said that the baby is a little bit on the small side but not tiny.

I'm glad you got a nice consultant, they do seem to vary so much in their approach! I was lucky to be referred to a new Placenta Clinic which had fantastic staff. U/sound scans showed my baby to be on the small size too, but then he stopped growing at the expected rate.

He said they would do daily scans to check this, and that as soon as there came a point where it was better for the baby to be out than in, then they would deliver the baby. He said it's all just a balancing act at the moment, keeping the baby where it's safest.

He said we are looking at weeks rather than months for delivery, <snip>

They gave me steroid injections to mature the lungs. I hope these make a big difference to the baby's chances if he or she comes very early.

Oooooh, I know how this time feels. I was on fortnightly scans to monitor the placenta & bloodflow, and at 28 weeks they gave me the "better out than in" talk and the steroid jabs (which do make a huuuuuuuuge difference to baby's lungs). I then started having scans every other day until, one week later, I felt less movement from the baby than normal. I dashed back in, early for that day's scan, and the consultant saw me in his lunch-hour. He said it "was time" and that keeping Andrew inside me would now be too risky. Because I had been given the warning, I had kept hospital bags in the car, and was ready to be admitted at that point. Andrew was delivered by c/section 7 hours after that lunch-hour scan.

So now it's really just a waiting game, taking each day as it comes. I just feel so scared because it's still so very early and we want this baby so much.

We got to speak to a paediatrician yetserday but she was not able to tell us much. We really just wanted to know what it's like having a baby in scbu, whether our baby might have a good chance etc.

Without getting too stressed about it, spend these few days preparing yourself and your family for what will inevitably be an early delivery. You may be in hospital post-delivery longer than you anticipated (c/section as opposed to labour), so you might need more food in the freezer for OH. Pack your hospital bags for a longer stay, and keep them in the car. Dive out and do any nursery shopping (cot etc) that you thought you could leave for a later date. Get your OH to talk to his employers about needing time off shortly to support you.

Speak to the SCBUnit at BGH and ask whether, on one of your visits for a scan, you can have a tour of the unit and a bit of an introduction. That would certainly have helped me, it's scary seeing your baby in an incubator for the first time, and you don't want to be distracted by worrying about practicalities like visiting hours, etc. Ask them about their policy on "kangaroo care", which is skin-to-skin cuddles with baby, and which will help stimulate your milk as well as enhance the difficult bonding process. Also ask about their support and facilities for expressing breast milk to feed your baby whilst there.

Also have a look at the BLISS charity website (I think it's bliss.org.uk) where there is information & leaflets about special care babies. But don't read ahead too much - don't stress about when and how your baby will come home, at this time just concentrate on giving him/her the best of care whilst on the unit.

I am very very scared in case it had to come within the next few days and doesn't have much chance of survival. I know I sound pessimistic but I have really been on a rollercoaster of emotions, being thrown suddenly from a wonderful pregnancy with no problems to daily hospital visits, overnight stays and talk of a premature baby. I am desperately trying to tell myself that no amount of worrying is going to change anything....

You have the sympathies of every other mother on this area of BnB. We've all been there, some of us (like me) had advance notice that baby would appear early, others had no warning at all. If you read the stories we've posted, you'll find remarkable stories of tiny babies surviving against the odds.

The way you are feeling is totally normal. But you are not alone. We are all here for you.

Sticky baby vibes, stay in there just a little longer!

 

[alibaba24]

Hey hun i read your reply on my thread i just didnt have time to reply then, Im sorry your going through this i can imagine your worry. First things first theyr looking after you now its not going unoticed which is soo important. My Story isnt quite the same as yours my bp was always fine my 20 week scan was perfect, it wasnt until i got to 28 weeks that i measured 26 and a half. mw wasnt concerned then at 32 weeks i was measuring 30 and a half so she got me back 2 weeks later and i was still only measuring 30 and a half no growth at all in 2 weeks. She sent me for an emergency growth scan and they discovered at 34 weeks she was only 3lb odd they would have expected her to be around the 5 pound mark they also werent happy with the blood flow I got sent up to maternity where a consultant came and told me i wasnt going home and that they were deciding what to do! they actually had me gowned up in labour ready to be induced but then (thank god) they decided to go another consultant decided labour would be far too stressful on such a small baby and my cervix would be nowhere near ready shes decided for me to have the steriods and be re scanned 2 days later. Over the 2 days i was monitored then on the friday i got another scan where the consultant (the one who suggested the steriods and to wait) decided she wasnt happy with fluid round the baby blood flow wasnt great still etc so she said we will be delivering your baby today by c section. I was so scared yet completly thankful i had at least made it to 34 weeks i had so many questions like will she be developed like a 34 weeker just small? or will she only be developed to 30 weeks? will she have growth problems? why is she so small why did she stop growing? the questions were endless and the consultants i have to admit werent helpful on that part it wasnt until 2 lovely peadetricans came round and explained what would happen how helpful the steriods would be etc they really made me feel like it would be ok. SCBU although at first is an alien environment they really do an amazing job of taking care of your baby. Although iv no experience of a very early baby scbu was full of frames with success stories and happy endings babies weighing as little as 1lb odds. Try and think of it as your baby will stay happy and tucked up you have to relax (hard i know) Worry will not help your bp just think at the mo your little on is still in there The steriods really do help i wish you all the best and hope things keep steady for you x x x

 

[TwoBumps]

Hi Katy! First of all welcome to this section of bnb! The ladies on here are incredibly supportive and really helped me when my boys were in SCBU.

Like you I had pre eclampsia, however I had very little warning and the boys were delivered just 24 hours after I was diagnosed and admitted to hospital.

You will of course be feeling terrifed and on a real rollercoaster of emotions. The birth of your child should be an exciting magical experience, but all of a sudden it has become about survival rather than anything else. I was able to speak to a paediatrician before the boys were born and she was able to outline what problems I could expect with a baby born at 31 weeks and these were basically
(1) lungs - the lungs will be under developed and although the steroids will help a lot it is still likely that the baby will need some assistance whether it be oxygen, CPAP or a ventilator.
(2) stomach - the baby can have problems with its stomach including NEC.
(3) brain - premmies quite often suffer from brain bleeds which can cause damage to the brain.

Obviously every baby is different and it is hard to say exactly what you can expect. My boys had problems with their lungs, initially they were put on CPAP but would not tolerate this so they ended up being ventilated for 5 days before then going on to oxygen. Some babies have more than one problem and others are really lucky and simply need to establish feeding!

I would ask to be shown around SCBU as soon as possible. I didn't have time to do this but I really think that it would have helped me. You will be told to expect your little one to be in SCBU until its due date. I remember that when I was told this I thought that there was no way they could possibly be in there for 9 weeks, but in the end they were in for 8 weeks so its not a bad estimate! I would say to expect to be there until your due date and if you get tom come home earlier its a bonus!

One thing I would warn you of with PE is that after the baby is born you will be put on a magnesium drip for 24 hours and it is unlikely you will be able to see your baby during this time. This was something that I wasn't warned about and it was awful, but the staff were great and brought me photos of the boys straight away and my husband was able to see them whenever he wanted to and was able to take loads more pictures for me.

Try not to worry too much about getting things ready for baby as you will have plenty of time once it is born and family and friends will all be only too pleased to help. Use the time that you have now to try and relax and keep your blood pressure down. Easier said than done I know!!

I hope that what I have said hasn't scared you and that knowing what to expect may help you a little. If you have any questions at all just ask, all of the mums on here have had babies at different gestatations and will have experience of what you can expect

 

[AP]

Oh hun I can't imagine how you're feeling! hugs:

I was gonna say at least you can he prepared, but it prob doesn't help that you know you might deliver early!

However, you have added advantages - you're being well checked over and monitored and having steriod shots! (I just literally went into labour after a normal pregnancy with no blips, and only managed one steroid shot)

But TwoBumps has got it in one!

Our little thread may help you feel a little better if anything - it is daunting in SCBU, but our thread might let you see how we felt about things and the 'positives' we found https://www.babyandbump.com/premature-babies/266040-best-things-having-preemie.html

Alex was my first baby so I can't exactly tell you what was so bad compared to a full term birth - we just got on with it like was the norm, I don't know it any way different!

Every little day that goes by gives you LO a better chance.

 

[sue247]

Hi Katy1310, i know what you are going through and how terrified you feel right now.

My son is 3 now but my story is very similar to yours.. I went in for a rountine check and they discovered my blood pressure was slightly high. I was 23 weeks. They kept me in to monitor it. I ended up staying in there on tablets to try and reduce my BP until my baby was born. Like with you, they told me we would just take each day as it comes and would have to deliver when the baby when it seemed like it was getting to dangerous for us both. My urine had protein and eventually the tablets could not keep down my BP. My consultant eventaully came to me and said we have to deliver and can't hold on any longer. I would be 28 weeks, but my baby was no longer growing very well and was better out than in. I was terrified. It does help a little to go and look around the Special care unit to see where your baby will be. I must be honest, these were the most trying and hardest weeks of my life. My son came into the world crying and weighing 1 pound and 10 oz.

He is 3 years old now. He had no complications in Special Care. No problems with his lungs or anything else. The only reason i was told he had to stay for as long as he did (12 weeks) was as he needed to grow. (also, learn to feed). I worried about his development as all the stuff i was told almost expected there to be some problem. But (touch wood) there appears to be no problems. The only thing is that he is still a little small for his age. But perfectly healthy. I did not realise until i went through it that babies so little are able to survive, but they do! The chances of these babies doing well are really high.

I wish you all the best X

 

[Abbiekye]

Hi hun, I know exactly how you are feeling now having been there myself. I also went for a routine check up only to be told that my bp was 200/120 so there was no way I was going home. I was immediately sent to the ward and given the steriods for the lungs which greatly helped when baby was delivered at 28 wks. I remember being scared, wondering what was going to happen next. I stayed in for about 5 days being monitored every day. I was 28 wks and 2 days when I showed signs of protein in urine followed by a headache so immediately sent in for a CS. Baby was delivered safely but took a while before my bp settled.

All I can say is be strong everything will be fine, the most common occurence in NICU is infection. Sometimes this results in 'brady' or bradycardia - low heart rate. The staff there are very experienced and handle these things properly. The babies are monitored very well. If it happens that you are delivered early, make sure you always read your baby's notes, growth charts and ask a lot of questions. Ask what the possible side effects are for whatever medicine they administer. The staff there are generally sensitve and very helpful.

These days the success rate for prem babies is very high but the longer the baby stays in the womb the better chance of survival they have when delivered. Even a day can make a lot of difference. So try and relax as much as you can and not worry too much and hang in there for as long as possible. A lot of prem babies have come out (touch wood) of hospital with no health problems whatsoever, they are just like full-term babies. Lots of hugs, hun