Feeling crushed. No hope for another homebirth.

[Reidfidleir]

Hey all.

To sum it up I had the most amazing homebirth experience with my first baby. I want another homebirth as I have every intention of avoiding the hospital at all costs. I hate hospitals and I've heard so many negative experiences of people birthing at one. Yes I've read good stories too but there's usually at least a couple negative things that would have been avoided with homebirthing.

I had to pay out of pocket $3200 because state insurance didnt cover. I have been wanting a second baby for a while now and dot want any more than 3 years between them.
I got my hopes up because we have really good insurance now that my midwives had had success with in the past.
Hubby did research and said that doulas and planned homebirth a are not covered at all.
I am so crushed!!!
I just feel right now that if I cannot bring my baby into the world the way I choose I don't want a baby at all. The fear of risks with the hospitals and people bulldozing me and overriding my decisions as an adult outweighs the broody was at this point.
Insurance does cover birth centers but there are only two in my state. They are an hour and a half away, highly regulated by the hospital, and have a very high transfer rate. Not a great option.
The hospital my cnm (my acting gyn) is affiliated with has a birth centr but it is only one room. So basically if someone is using it too bad for you.

I just feel completely defeated and angry at the system. Why can't I birth the mos natural and safest way and the way everyone used to do it??

At this point we have a mortgage and a couple large loans we are paying off so it would be almost impossible to pay out of pocket this time around.

Does anybody have any words of advice? Sympathy? Anything is fine. Thanks.

 

[Dinah93]

I certainly have sympathy, its very hard to deal with the idea that something is not in your control that matters a lot to you. However what I would say is that the birth is such a small part of the amazing life experience of having a child. It's great to have a birth plan, but when it comes to childbirth there is so much we have to realise is often out of our control. When I was having DD I wanted a natural, drug free birth, lots of skin to skin, delayed cord clamping etc. What I got was an emergency c-section at 28 weeks, didn't get to hold her until she was 13 days old, DD spent 101 days in the nicu, and came home on oxygen which we had to contend with for 8 months. She still sees 11 different consultants across 4 hospitals and I've lost my job as a result of all the missed time to attend appointments. I have anxiety and depression as a result of this time, couldn't have her out of my sight unless she was with my mum until well after she was 1, and the fact she was given a diagnosis of a condition 'not compatible with life' meant we spent over a year living every day like we could loose her. My point isn't to get a pity party or to minimise your fears, its to give an example of how far out of my control things got, yet my DD is my world, and we're now expecting our second child as even though there is a good chance we're going to go through all that hell again, I'd do it in an instant for the 60+ years of joy this baby is going to bring into our lives. My point isn't to say I have it worse by any means, it's to explain my fear (and trust me, stepping back onto the nicu ward makes me shake, and I'm horrified we might have to go there every day for months), and why I think it's worth the sacrifice for the end result. Right now the birth might seem like a big problem, but in ten years time it will be a tiny piece of the whole picture, and getting smaller every day.

 

[MonyMony]

I am so glad you got the home birth you always wanted. But try to keep in mind it's a single day in the life of your child. And there are thousands of others that make being a parent so worthwhile!

It seems like you have a while to mull things over, as I see by your ticker your first is not that old. Your finances and your outlook may change in the next couple of years, so don't give up hope. But as someone who let too big age gaps creep in between children because of career and other fears, you may regret your decision to postpone another down the road.

I have friends who did have unmedicated births at hospitals in the care of midwives. It's not impossible, so there's some more hope for you there. As for myself, did I have unnecessary interventions myself at the hospital? Yes, and I was angry for a while. But I am so thankful for the two healthy children I brought home only a few days later.

Given all that, I do think it's unfair that as women we don't get to choose our manner of birth and delivery. I'd encourage you to write to your insurance company and to your congress representative for better choices for women's health and reproductive medicine. Nothing will change unless we all stand up for these important issues.

 

[Reidfidleir]

Wow. Thank you so much both of you. Yes I do need some perspective. I suppose I should view homebirth as a luxury as my husband says. Just like I'm sure everyone would want a brand new car but not everybody can have that. Ok bad example I know. Dinah- I'm so sorry about what you've been through! I can't begin to imagine the stress and worry you have been through. You're right. Oftentimes things just happen and that's it. I hope your daughter gets stronger and stronger each day.
Mony- funny. You live in the same state I do! So I'm sure you're aware if what I'm talking about. And if you have any suggestions for good hospitals or other birth centers to research please tell me.

Of course I don't want to put off having a child. I say that but it's not really how I feel. My mom and her sis have a 4.5 year age gap and they still hate each other. I've heard 2-3 is ideal. I'm thinking closer to three is better. Still not sure.

I would love to use our tax refund to save for it but hubby thinks better to put toward our current debts. He is right. And as far as he's read I think hospital births are 100% covered. But I'll have to research that more carefully to make sure.

Thank you both again. It did help.

 

[FeistyMom]

Insurance issues stink. Typically, even with '100% coverage', you pay 20% coinsurance, which normally amounts to $2k for a hospital birth. So make sure 100% coverage isn't including *your* coinsurance, so instead of asking about coverage, ask specifically about your out of pocket costs.

You can also challenge your insurance to include coverage of the homebirth by pointing out that it is cheaper, but that typically doesnt work until a very large number of people complain about it.

That said - I've had 3 great hospital births, and will be doing another (hopefully VERY soon!!), and all 3 were natural with no interventions. I never even really considered a homebirth because of traumatic birth experiences my mother had, and my DH would have been incredibly uncomfortable with it, so I knew I would be having my natural births in a hospital. It may take some research and it may also take a lot of perseverance, but you *can* find a hospital or birthing center that is either already setup to give you more of the experience you want, or that you can bully into giving you want you want. I found that a laboring, aggressive, cranky woman can pretty much get her way It also helps to labor at home as long as feels reasonable; my time in hospital prior to delivery was 30 minutes, 6 hours, and 40 minutes respectively, so you can see I cut it a little bit close there.

Trust your instincts And hey - we all get that sometimes you just have to vent about the crap that life throws our way, and it really doesn't seem fair that something that should be as straightforward as pregnancy, labor and delivery (its been happening for thousands of years....) gets complicated by our 'modern' systems.

Hang in there

 

[Claralee]

We are planning a homebirth with two CNMs and the full coat is $7500 (we're in nj) I was told it would be out of network which would mean we would have to pay that all out of pocket as that is our exact OON deductible. However I rang our insurance and applied for what they called a waiver on the grounds that they didn't have any in network CNMs that did homebirth. I was very surprised two weeks later to hear that they had approved the waiver and she will now be considered in network. I still don't know exactly how much they will cover but this should save us thousands. Point is it might be worth filing something similar with your insurance. I think sometimes they are called gap exceptions (for a service not covered by your insurance). Worth a try?!

 

[Reidfidleir]

Thank you so much Feistymom and Claralee. Your posts were super helpful. I'm asking hubby to research this now.
Another thing that I held out hope for:
I was offered a job 1 day a week as a dental hygienist. Currently I'm working only 1 day a week. So basically my income will effectively double. Which will help us pay off debts faster. So I was thinking..... cool. Maybeeeeee I could still have a homebirth! Because this offer didn't come along until two weeks ago. But hubby is still against it financially.
I may be a schemer but oooo I hope there's a coinsurance fee!!! haha. Then maybe the out of pocket costs would be more equal...

Unlikely though as we have very very good insurance.

 

[minties]

What are you paying for with the home birth? Is it for a midwife?

 

[Reidfidleir]

All prenatal care and visits the actual birth and 6 weeks of postpartum care. They would honor what I paid before $3000. And I did find out our insurance does cover hospitals (in network) 100% no copays or deductibles at all.

 

[NDH]

I can sympathize with you completely. As a young teenager even I always just expected to have my babies at home. In my circle it was very unusual for a woman to have a baby in hospitals. Then I moved to a different country and had no idea how to even find a midwife and once I found one I was 6 months pregnant and hubby had been unemployed for 5 months so financially it wasn't an option when a hospital birth was 100% free.
I did end up having a really positive hospital birth at least.
When number two came along our financial position wasnt enough improved to justify the expense/debt of a home birth when once again there was a free option available. I hired a doula and signed up for an student midwife to attend all my appointments so I would at least have continuity of care. And then I ended up not being able to have either of them there as I had to drive three hours in order to avoid a cesarean due to bub being breech. I ended up having her vaginally which was awesome but I had to fight so hard to get it that I certainly was under a lot of stress. And then had to fight the hospital to be allowed to go home etc (took 12 hours and a threat to just walk out before they'd bring the forms fornmentonsign that in was leaving AMA).

I still dream of having a home birth one day though, and I've just gotten hubby to agree to one if we can find one who will accept payment plans after the birth. Even better if I can find one registered with Medicare here as I will get a refund for the antenatal care and just have to pay for the birth.

Its really frustrating when insurance companies won't cover a cheaper birth...