Feeling down

[Rayven]

Well today is day 6 in the life of Ollie & had another MW visit this morning only to find his weight is still decreasing. Had a chat with her and discussed his feeding habits & was told that my milk really should have come in by now - especially as i'm not a first timer.
My milk never really came in properly with my other two - they remained soft & never engorged & the MW said that baring that in mind and the fact that Ollie is still losing weight that like my other two pregnancies my milk may not be coming in again & that i'd probably be better off putting him on formula & maybe having a special time of day where we have some skin to skin contact & i offer the breast (solely for bonding/ comfort) but for the rest of the time to put him on formula.
I REALLY wanted to breast feed and feel like a failure that once again i can't do what he needs me to.
The MW said that i 'could' continue to try and breastfeed but she would recommend putting him on formula otherwise we may end up with not only a very hungry baby but a very poorly baby & that some women just don't have the milk glands to produce enough milk to breastfeed.

I'm feeling really down & am struggling with the fact that yet again i can't feed my own son properly. I was really hoping this time would be different.

 

[Dizzy321]

Aww hun try not to stress yourself about it too much, I was totally the same trying to breastfeed my little boy, sounds just the same, but my promise to myself this time round is not to try my hardest to breastfeed but NOT beat myself up about it if it does not work again! It can really get on top of you and you need to be a happy, rested mother for your baby, just do what you think is best xx

 

[Dizzy321]

I meant try my hardest to breastfeed lol x

 

[XKatX]

Oh babes, that must be so hard. Just think that your baby will be happy whatever you give him. Try not to beat yourself up about it hun. Nature can be harsh sometimes. Try and spend a lot of time with skin-skin, as MW suggested and enjoy it for what it is. I hope you can come to terms with it soon hun.
(BTW, I have no experience of this, so don't know how you feel - I hope I didn't come across too uncaring)

 

[Mervs Mum]

Oh sweetie You've done your best - what more can anyone expect. I think you should listen to the experts. If I had to stop for any reason I'd keep a bit if time where you can just have a snuggle and offer the breast for comfort for you both without the pressure of needing to feed.

Well done honey - you did a great job and youre not a failure - youre a great mummy x

 

[bambikate]

Oh honey please don't beat yourself up - you have done all you can - you are not a failure you are a fab mummy - good luck with MW sugegstion - hope all goes well x x

 

[Shifter]

Perhaps you could try expressing and see what happens. That way you can measure how much you are actually producing and regular expressing should encourage more milk to come through. A friend of mine had to go to formula when her little boy was losing weight, but she persisted and went back to the breast after two weeks. Thankfully he went back just fine and she successfully breastfed until six months.

HTH.

 

[Rayven]

Perhaps you could try expressing and see what happens. That way you can measure how much you are actually producing and regular expressing should encourage more milk to come through. A friend of mine had to go to formula when her little boy was losing weight, but she persisted and went back to the breast after two weeks. Thankfully he went back just fine and she successfully breastfed until six months.

HTH.

I've actually been trying to express - but with no success - but then the MW said that at this stage i wouldn't get anything out anyway but as you said it will encourage more milk to come through. I'm going to carry on using the pump for stimulation in the hope that something will come through but the MW doesn't sound too optimistic.

 

[clairebear]

please dont beat ur self up over it hun. ur a fabby mummy and ur doing a great job. hope it all goes well x x

 

[ryder]

even with the expressing you have to be carefful because you may or may not getboth hind and fore milk, which cause cause problems for the baby with weight gain. They need both.

Good luck, and dont beat yourself up, the only one who is disapointed is you, your baby just wants his needs to be fullfilled.

 

[hsollis]

I REALLY wanted to breast feed and feel like a failure that once again i can't do what he needs me to.
The MW said that i 'could' continue to try and breastfeed but she would recommend putting him on formula otherwise we may end up with not only a very hungry baby but a very poorly baby & that some women just don't have the milk glands to produce enough milk to breastfeed.

I'm feeling really down & am struggling with the fact that yet again i can't feed my own son properly. I was really hoping this time would be different.

As long as you are giving your son nourishment from a breast or a bottle, you are NOT a failure!! As long as he is eating and happy, you are doing your job!!! He loves you no matter what and that's what is important!!

I know it must be hard as your heart is telling you to BF but just look into his little face when he's in your arms and remind yourself that this is what matters that he's happy and healthy!!! That may help you come back to feeling less like a failure!!

Good luck and try to do what you can and what feels right and what you feel is possible and best after listening and trying everything...

Failure means not trying and not doing your best and not caring in my opinion and it sounds like you are doing both so you haven't failed!!!

All the best!!

 

[firstLO]

Don't be too disheartened. He's only 6 days old and all babies lose weight at first. My midwife told me she allows 4 weeks for babies to get back up to their birth weight when they're breastfed. How many times has he already been weighed? as well as doing it too frequently will probably stress you out more as sometimes they can gain nothing then suddenly put some on. My baby is 4 weeks now and has only just started to put on weight. I was feeling exactly the same as you about whether to switch to formula. I have never been engorged or had a feeling of fullness but apparently not everyone does. Why don't you try giving your baby formula for 1 or 2 feeds and see how he does. I started giving mine formula for her evening feed and that seems to have helped. The midwife said the formula feed will have stretched her stomach so that she then starts to demand more milk from me which is why she's started to put weight on (she had put on 5ozs when last weighed). So you could try that and see how you go and if it doesn't work then switch completely to formula, you never know that may work. Good luck and don't feel like a failure as it's not your fault. x

 

[Freya]

Hi Rayven, I perhaps dont know the details of your situation, and I'm sure your midwife is giving good advice in your situation, but just wanted to share my experience of BF so far - which isn't too different.

My Gracie is 4 weeks 5 days old now and I am trying hard to BF. She still isn't up to her birth weight but has 2 oz to go! I'm not convinced I produce enough milk for her but Midwifes and health visitors that have seen us and weighed her have kept encouraging me to continue to BF. They haven't been too concerned as yet but they do want to keep an eye on her. Hired a pump, which hasn't been really successful as cant pull much off.

Just as FirstLO has said, I too dont feel engorged or 'full', and I dont even leak a lot into breast pads! I have already turned to one FF every 2 days, at night and will now make it every day. WHo knows if I'll be told to FF completely! But I know how disappointing it is because you make plans for how you want things to go..... and then you feel upset that the choice may be taken away. Then comes the bloody guilt, which plagues me a lot about whether or not I'm starving my poor girl by continuing to bf.

Is there any chance your midwfie can give you a little more time (obviously not to you or baby's detriment!!!)

Also, I find that I much prefer the sleepy snuggles into my chest after a feed, even with FFeeding, I wont give those up!

So sorry your feeling down, you're definitely not alone and never forget you're a fab mummy no matter what happens with feeds!

xxx

 

[alio]

Darling, don't beat yourself up. I breastfed for first 2 weeks then switched to formula for a number of reasons. I feel so close to my boy and he does to me. He just needs to feed successfully, in whatever way you can darling. xxx

 

[artypants2008]

It seems like every midwife has different advice. Have you tried speaking to a bfing consultant? There is a helpline number you can ring but I don't have it to hand at the mo, try google. Good luck with whichever method you go with.

 

[firstLO]

Just thought I'd mention as well that my GP said he always allows up to 5 weeks for babies to get to their birth weight. He also encouraged me to continue with breastfeeding so everyone's advice is different. x