feeling guilty about having a c section

[minnie10]

I had to have an emergency c section with my dd as her heart rate dropped. I know it was best to get her out as quickly and safely as possible but i feel down&guilty about needing a section.

I feel as if ive let dd down as i didnt get skin to skin contact with her until 2hrs after she had been born. I feel as if ive let dh down as he didnt get to witness the birth or cut the cord.

I feel upset when i think about how i never got to give birth naturally, see her straight after she was born or hear her first cry &i wasnt the first one to hold her.

I feel as if people think i took the easy way out by having a section.

The ladies who stalk my journal have been great in giving me support but i still feel like this,was wondering if any other ladies had feelings like these?

 

[bunnyg82]

You did the best for your daughter, you likely saved her life by her being delivered by section.
It's understandable that you are disappointed as most people would prefer to give birth naturally but you have got to remember that it had to be done for her safety.

It might be worth trying to speak to someone about it to try and come to terms with it. Maybe a debrief with a mw or even seeing a counsellor to help xx

 

[Srrme]

I am sorry you're feeling this way, but you did what was best for your daughter. Both of my boys were born premature and I did not get skin to skin contact right away, in fact, I didn't get to hold my oldest until he was over a week old, or my youngest until he was 3 days old. I didn't get to feed them their first bottles (granted, it was my breast milk!) or change their first diapers or any of those first things we cherish so much.

You just have to come to terms with it and accept it. It takes time.

 

[izzlesnizzle]

I was in the same position as you. I had to have an emcs after a 43 hr labour. I wasn't progressing and LO went into distress and dropped her heart rate down to 70. There was no other option but to do what they did at that particular time. The choice wasn't there for me and if they had have left it any longer, well, I dread to think what might have happened so it was all for the best.

I try not to think about the whats ifs and if only it could have been this way or that way as I don't want to get myself too down about the fact my labour didn't go as I wanted it to. Of course I have replayed it in my mind but I had to come to terms with the fact it was out of my hands, unpredictable as to how it was going to happen and both her and I were safe at the end of it all.

Having said all of this, I do totally understand where you're coming from. It takes time to accept it all and you replay the labour over and over but when it comes down to it, you have a healthy and lovely baby.

 

[Foogirl]

Anybody who thinks c-section is an easy option has never had one and therefore their opinion matters not a jot. I hate the term "natural birth." You had a birth with medical intervention. Most births in hospital have medical intervention - even drug free ones generally have doctors or midwives checking heart rates, telling them when to push etc. To me a truly natural birth is a woman pushing her baby out whilst lying alone in a meadow........

As for skin to skin. Highly overrated in my book. My LO was 3 days before I got a cuddle and two weeks before any skin to skin. I've talked with parents who had to wait even longer. There is absolutely no bearing on skin to skin with your bond with your child. I stroked mine in a plastic box for a three weeks, and yet we have the strongest bond possible now. This is something all the books and websites make us feel is very important and of course it is lovely for all involved, but when it comes to the long term health and security of the child, it means nothing. There is more evidence of it being beneficial for babies in Neonatal but even then it seems to be more for the benefit of the parents than for the baby.

Do not beat yourself up about any of this, be secure in the knowledge you have a healthy and happy baby and are a healthy and happy mum. Anyone who tries to take that away from you does not,have your best interests at heart and therefore are not worth your worry.

 

[minnie10]

Thanks everyone i think im starting to come to terms with it now,i can now think about it or talk about it without wanting to cry about it. Im now going to concentrate on my dd as shes growing so fast already!!! No point dwelling on the past as i cant change it

 

[nanamoon]

Totally normal to feel this way hon. I had to have emergency csec with my last child under a GA so I woke up three hours later. I missed those first few hours of his life and it took me about 18 months to come to terms with it, to be able to talk abut it without crying. It really upset me....and a bit like you my husband couldn't shared in it either and instead he was just expected to look after a baby while his wife was unconscious when he'd never even held a baby in his life! It can be very hard to come to terms with when your control is taken away. It does get easier and at the end of the day if the drs didn't make that particular decision at that particular moment in time then neither of us may have come through it and that's what you've got to keep focusing on xxxxxxxx

 

[Claudia83]

VERY Normal to feel this way. I felt cheated out of the birth experience I so wanted. I did see a therapist who helped me cope with the feelings of disappointment. It ultimately was my control issues that were getting the best of me because it was a part of the process I had no control over. The best advice I can give you is that you MUST realize that the only thing that matters is that your baby is here and healthy and that you can both move on from that rocky start. I poured my emotions into being the best mom I could possibly be and put all that negative energy out of my head because I KNEW it wasn't doing me or my family any good. Focus on the good and the bad will melt away. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk

 

[Claire300]

I had a planned section with ds2 due to a previous 3rd degree tear. I felt awful, as although it was strongly advised by every midwife I saw, ultimitely it was my decision. I felt like I was letting each of us down, and actually had the epidural in tears as I desperately didn't want a section. I didn't get to hold him 1st or have skin to skin (I perhaps had too much painkillers or something as I kept falling asleep as they were trying to show him to me!) and I felt like you for quite a while afterwards, that I couldn't think about it without getting upset. Now though, one year on, it just doesn't matter anymore! I have my healthy little boy, and the day of his birth served it's purpose to get him out and I met him. It probably took 3-4 months for me to let go of the disappointment, but it did go and he is still here!!

 

[minnie10]

Thank you ladies,its nice to know that im not the only person to have felt like this

 

[wookie130]

I had to have an emergency c section with my dd as her heart rate dropped. I know it was best to get her out as quickly and safely as possible but i feel down&guilty about needing a section.

I feel as if ive let dd down as i didnt get skin to skin contact with her until 2hrs after she had been born. I feel as if ive let dh down as he didnt get to witness the birth or cut the cord.

I feel upset when i think about how i never got to give birth naturally, see her straight after she was born or hear her first cry &i wasnt the first one to hold her.

I feel as if people think i took the easy way out by having a section.

The ladies who stalk my journal have been great in giving me support but i still feel like this,was wondering if any other ladies had feelings like these?

I always get so sad when I see people succumbing to this mindset.

Look, your child will never hold it against you that you had a c-section. Had you NOT had one, your daughter may not be here now...she may have died, had you not had the surgery. Try living with THAT guilt...I just couldn't fathom it myself.

Does a child have to exit your body via the vagina for you to become a woman and a real mother? When did this happen? Birth is not the rite of passage that a lot of people are making it out to be online. I'm getting so fed up with it. What matters, is that we have a surgical procedure in place that is indeed safe (c-sections), that allow moms and babies in distress to LIVE.

Thank GOD for modern medicine, on so many levels, I'm telling you. What matters now, is how you actually raise your child. I promise she won't give one rip whether she exited out your vagina, or through the sunroof. What will really make you an awesome mom, is making your child FEEL how loved she is, nurture her, read to her, sing to her, and give her your precious TIME. Those are the things she'll remember, and consequently, those are also the things that make you a real MOTHER.