Feeling guilty

[LadyLovenox]

I have an almost 2.5 year old and a 3 month old. Before baby was born, ds was my whole life. Every minute. I'm a sahm so he is very attached to me. He has done exceptionally well sharing my attention w baby brother. My guilt comes from two things.

1. I go to bed every single night feeling like one or the other got the short end of the stick. If i spent a lot of time w ds 1, i feel bad, that ds 2 isnt getting the same newborn coddling and bonding ds1 got. If i spend too much time oohing and ahhing over ds 2, i almost feel like I've cheated on ds 1 . I cry almost every night feeling like i cant give either of them 100%

2. Ds 1 is starting to drive me crazy w the terrible twos and i feel like I'm not enjoying my one on one time w him even when i do get it. Is that normal? It makes me feel like a bad mom that hes driving me nuts. And I hope he cant sense it. I try very hard not to show my frustration and just be patient. For example today I had a date planned w him. We were going to lunch and to target to pick out a toy. While i quickly tried to nurse ds2 before my mother in law got there, so we could leave asap....ds1 is dumping the dog water (on himself so i have to change him again), pulling the curtains, climbing onto the island and getting lotion that he squeezed out onto the carpet. Turned on a toy whose batteries were dying so it just kept making those annoying noises over and over a d over, and then screaaaaamed bloody murder bc he wanted a granola bar, which i wouldnt give him bc i wanted him to be hungry to go out to lunch. So before we even leave, i feel like he's plucking my nerves. Then he doesnt want to hold my hand in the parking lot, wont sit in the cart at target (wants me to carry him instead), drops his lollipop and throws a tantrum bc we have to throw it away since it fell on the floor. And I'm just pulling my hair out bc everything is such a fight w him. I want to enjoy my time w him. I want him to enjoy his time w me. And i want to strengthen our bond, but lately i feel like all i do is correct him. Sigh.

Can anyone relate?

 

[MARIEX3]

I can def relate to this. My little boy does the same thing. He throws a fit any chance he gets. Hes probably jealous of your newborn (Congrats by the way) Personal advice would just sit him down and talk to him. They can def sense frustration, they are smarter then we think, they are like a sponge and absorb so much from us. I talk to my five year old instead of yelling or raising my voice to him and that seems to work. I also have a chart at home for the month where if he behaves for the day he gets a start on the day. He has to have a certain amount of stars for the week in order to choose a prize out of a chest that i have.

With him knowing that he can choose a toy/prize at the end of the week makes him want to behave. I just do little things here and there and switch it up so he knows he has to be on point. If he does something wrong or chooses not to listen to me I take a star away.

Its normal for kids to act like this especially when there is a new born around that they are certainly not used to. Try the chart method and see if that works for you and just try and have him bond with the baby. Dont feel discourage or like your a bad mom because you are trying to balance both, many of us go through the same thing we just often think we are the only ones that do go through it. I wish you the best of luck with everything hun.

 

[LadyLovenox]

Thanks so much!!! I appreciate your kind words and it's so nice to know someone can relate!! I will definitely try the chart idea!!! I just beat myself Up bbecause i want both of them to know how special they are to me, and feel it. And its so hard when you have to divide time up. I always saw myself with 3 kids, but I'm done. I can't be spread anymore thin than i already am

 

[MARIEX3]

Your welcome love, anytime !! yes the chart thing has been amazing and has approved him behavier x10. But dont beat your self up hun. Often times i did feel the same and felt that I was such a horrible mother and compared my selfs to other moms and felt i wasnt doing as much as I should especially when you are trying to balance work kids husband & cooking. Its a lot. I know for a fact both of them are going to know you love them both equally. You are a super mom!!!! you got this

 

[LadyLovenox]

Awww that made me tear up. Thank you!!! I'm sure you're an amazing mama too!!!

 

[MARIEX3]

Thank you love. Anytime you feel you need to talk to someone I got you !