Feeling guilty...

[Semanthia]

I am new here but haven't yet had the nerve to add my story to this section However I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced guilt at all. Let me explain what I mean:
Turns out I have an incompetent cervix and I feel like losing our baby is my fault. I know everyone says its not but I can't help feeling it is. I feel bad for my husband because I couldn't carry her to term, and I feel bad for our daughter because she had to suffer. It is not like she was just eager to get out, she didn't do anything wrong. I am just broken.
Then I think if God made me this way should I even continue to try to save lives that he clearly wants to take? You know because everything happens for a reason, well he gave me a defected cervix for a reason and if that reason is to keep me from having children then who am I to fight against him.
Sorry if this seems odd but I am having a hard time with this and want to know if it is normal to feel this way.

 

[babesx3]

It was not your fault your baby died....
I didn't have an incompitent cervix, but my baby died inside me for no reason and i constantly blame myself, and think that i must of done something wrong that made him die..... i think feeling guilty is a normal response..
My mum lost her first baby to incompitent cervix...she then had my sister and myself..we were both stitched in......
please don't think u are not 'meant' to have children because of IC, with a stitch there is no reason why u can't go on to have children...

 

[Lea8198]

I don't have any real advice for you but I saw you had posted and wanted to send you a hug (((hug))). Please don't feel guilty. You did brilliant to hang on those few weeks and did everything you could. This WAS NOT your fault. I am sure there are plenty of ladies here that will be able to help but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am to hear of your loss. We were all rooting for you. Lots of love xxx

 

[cindersmcphee]

No its not your fault but I think feeling guilty is normal. I lost my baby boy on 28th Jan after a scan at 16 weeks which showed he had died between 14 - 15 weeks. I feel guilty that I did not realise he had gone. I feel guilty that I would have been going about my everyday life, laughing and watching tv and that he had died and I didnt even know. Was mmc still growing bump and m/s. I think we are looking for answers as to why it happened so blame ourselves. But you did nothing wrong. I am hoping that post mortem will give me some answers. Take care of yourself.

 

[BabyBoyle]

Oh sweetheart..

Guilt is completely NORMAL.

My Madison died because she wasn't well, which was from a chromosome abnormality, nothing to do with me or her dad, but didn't stop me feeling this way at all..

RE: Incompetent Cervix - There are SOOOOOOOOO many people who unfortunately have this too, but you are managed more carefully, "stitched in" so to put it, and kept an eye on even more closely.

Do not think you werent made to be a mum.. You're a WOMAN.. This is WHY you are here, to create beautiful babies, like your little stunner. (Which by the way is absolutely GORGEOUS..)


Im not going to tell you to not feel like this, because its NORMAL.

Just please please surround yourself by those you love and that can give you lots of support when you want it..

Its NORMAL..

Please sweetheart, stay strong for your beautiful little baby, flying high, watching you..

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lawhra]

 

[lozenge]

 

[Hope83]

Oh hun i don't know any right words to say. But I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts!

 

[TTC82]

I am just so truly sorry for your loss, you are in my thoughts and my prayers at this difficult time XXX

 

[Tishimouse]

I believe guilt is absolutely normal. It is a coping mechanism to help you get through grief and felt by everyone in some form or another, especially under the sad circumstances you have both found yourselves in.

I think it's important to focus on the fact that nature takes it's course, no matter what. People leave this World every second for all sorts of reasons and innocent, wonderful people are left behind carrying the burdon of guilt when it really isn't theirs.

Try to look at it this way. You didn't ask to have a problem with your cervix and didn't know you had it before your terrible loss. So, there was nothing you could have done to prevent losing your little girl. You tried and produced an angel baby this time. Next time, now that you are aware of the problem, you can have a stitch put in to help carry your baby to full term. Thousands and thousands of women have suffered a loss just like yours and gone on to have their families. A very close friend of mine lost twins at 23 weeks with exactly the same problem and had a stitch put in for her next pregnancy ... her little miracle is due next month and she feels wonderfully healthy now. We are all excited for her. She goes to a group meeting every fortnight where other women who have suffered loss organise charity events and talk about things relating to early losses. She has raised lots of money, shared her experience and helped others in the process. She is still suffering her loss of course, as that is something that a little part of her will never get over, but she had managed to begin her grieving process journey with strength and courage that literally came from nowhere.

I wish you luck on your journey, peace of mind and hope that you find your inner strength and courage that lies hidden in all of us who have to cope with tragedy.

Thinking of you.

Tish x

 

[MaevesMummy]

Guilt is a normal response as others have said. I still get it from time to time, along with anger. The sad fact is they dont diagnose IC or what I have, APS untill its too late.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
When you are ready though there are lots of things that can be done for IC.
A stitch, cervical cerculage, and in worst cases Trans abdominal Cerculage.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[SugarFairy]

Came looking for you just to send you a *hug* and to let you know I'm thinking about you. Nothing I can say can help how you're feeling so I'll just leave it at a hug and hope that in time your pain eases xx

 

[Starry Night]

 

[nattys]

 

[sparky32]

Big hugs first of all and i am truly sorry for your loss. Guilt is the hardest stage of grief to overcome and i'm not too sure that part ever leaves us, we just find a place were we're more at peace with it. Its totally normal to feel guilt but please do not think losing your daughter was your fault, you may find out one day that she was born to save the lives of her younger siblings. Take each second as it comes and allow yourself to feel the feelings xxx

 

[Semanthia]

Thank you for all you comments and advice. This is incredibly hard to deal with, I can't get over how unfair it is. I can't help feeling like I have failed as a woman/wife/mother. I wish I could have kept her from suffering. She was gasping and every so often I would see blood in her mouth which made me wonder if she was choking on it. Oh poor baby girl... I love her more than I can say. I am hoping I can bring myself to write my story and help to start mending my heart and soul.

 

[lovemybabe]

i am sooo sorry hun

 

[SLM79]

I'm sorry for your loss and big hugs to you.