Feeling Hopeless

[LydiaMae]

I'll be 36 in September and I had a miscarriage in May. My husband and I started trying again a month ago. I'm still waiting for my period which is 2 days late now and my pregnancy test says negative. I'm feeling upset that my period isn't back to normal yet (I was always VERY regular) since my d&c and I'm also upset that I'm not pregnant. I know I'm suppose to be patient, but this year has been so painful and sad with the loss of my first baby. I fear the worst; that I will never get to have a baby. And I feel like the clock is ticking. I'm such a mess right now. I went to block party yesterday and started crying watching all the mothers holding their babies and all the kids running around. I kept thinking how that will never be me. I feel like such a failure. I feel like I must have waited too long. It seems like all my friends keep getting pregnant and I find myself having hard time being happy for them. Which makes me feel like a horrible person. I get angry when I see people with 3 or more children thinking that it's gluttonous when all my husband and I want is one. I even stopped talking to one of my best friends to avoid hearing her complain about her 3 year old daughter, that I feel like she takes for granted. I don't have much support since my family lives in another state and I'm not that close with them. I really would like to seek counseling, since I think I'm depressed, but I'm so in debt from the d&c medical bills and can't afford to keep taking time off of work. I just want to feel better and hopeful, but I feel lost and alone instead.

 

[gustav72]

I'm sorry for your loss. I can identify with what you are saying....take it moment by moment and maybe try to occupy your mind with something fun for yourself and your husband. I wish you the best. This board seems like a good support network, I am new on here as well. Hugs.

 

[comotion89]

dont give up and im sorry for your loss, i just want to add my mother had me at 42 and my dad was 62 at the time so its not too late, maybe counselling would help as stress doesnt help when trying to concieve i hope that your next bfp is soon and that this one sticks *thousands of baby dust your way*

 

[2have4kids]

LydiaMae nothing I can say will make you feel better but you have to keep trying. I was just at a BBQ on saturday and was telling a few women that I'm ttc (proving more difficult than I thought - less the details). One of the women said she'd had 6 mc's over 5 years before her 2 gorgeous boys. We're here for only a short time and in the mean time you need to enjoy life. I send you big hugs and speedy healing of your broken heart

 

[LydiaMae]

Thanks everyone for your kind and encouraging words. I'm feeling a little better than I was earlier. I'm trying to stay positive, but I guess I'm still having some hard days. Moving forward is a little harder then I thought it would be.