Feeling hopeless

[JessesGirl29]

I'm just feeling so depressed right now, I'm not sure what I've gotten myself in to. My OH and I have been TTC since September. I. Basically told him I was ready to have kids or we needed to go separate directions. He's younger but agreed. Our relationship goes up and down after 5 years, sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. When I got my first BFP in April we were both over the moon. I stopped smoking and drinking, switched to All Natural products, grabbed What To Expect ect. On Cloud 9. Then I had a miscarriage in early May. Nothing has seemed right since then.
We fought a lot more as all I wanted to do was lay in bed and fade away but didn't understand. I guess In the end I felt alone and angry. I've had anger issues all my life, picked up from my Mom who is the Queen of all Bitches. Got pregnant again and since then between the hormones and anger that hasn't gone away I've been a bitch.
Last night OH snapped after taking all he could and told me he doesn't think I'm a nurturing personality (I take care of people with dementia in LTC) and that he doesn't even like me anymore.
I cried for hours and now I'm honestly thinking about rooming in with a friend. I'm scared shi*less and I just don't think I can take someone who doubts my ability to do this, and who doesn't even like me.
it all makes sense, why he hasn't been helping, why he stopped hugging and cuddling me, why he seems depressed and not one bit happy. He's chained to someone he doesn't even like.

I don't even know what to do anymore, any advice ladies. Is this common after pregnancy after miscarriage or is it actually my relationship?

 

[ButterflyK]

It could be he doesn't understand how much a miscarriage affects you, I think alot of men are that way. At the same time it could be he is scared to get excited as he was the first time for fear of something happening and the way it affected you before. I would give him some space and then sit and talk to him about this pregnancy and last.

 

[vixie27]

Try to remember his baby died too, he might feel just as angry and upset about it as you but doesn't show it. Give him some space we all say things in anger we don't mean x

 

[LucyLake]

Hi and nice to meet you JessesGirl29. Congrats and also sorry for your loss recently.

The hardest time in a couple's union/marriage is the first year after a child is born. I'd venture to say it's also during a pregnancy. I'm so sorry for your loss and understand how terrifying, exciting, crazy hormonally these early weeks are. I think take a few steps back and just hold off on doing anything impulsive. Give yourself a timeframe to make decisions.

I had a very hard time with my husband for 9 years because he was one and done. We had just one son until my Jan 18 that resulted in a MC Feb 28.

I've found that for every tough relationship, there's always renewal. Have a quiet dinner or write a letter and get your feelings out. Remember that we all say things we don't mean sometimes, I think he probably doesn't know how to handle your early weeks. There's fear, he's worried he needs to lavish attention on you (certain Zodiac signs feel controlled having to do that, don't know if he's one of them).

Huge hugs

 

[JessesGirl29]

I can't tell you ladies how much your insight helps. Thank you. We had a BBQ with friends planned (at their house) but I didn't sleep well last night being so worried about everything and I could tell Id be a major grump if I had to go so I declined. I think I'm needing alone time alone to deal with everything and some space for him to cool down so when I got home I packed up some things (including that yet unread What To Expect) and headed to a local beach. It really helped calm me down and it was sweet to watch so many families together having fun.
I'm feeling better already and most of all I feel ready to take better care of myself emotionally so I don't have so many angry outbursts. I'm also ready for an apology and good conversation and have a feeling that this space will lead us there.

Thank you again ladies, these hormones are crap, but I feel better already.