feeling huge void after m/c

[ryansmom]

I am so glad to have found the support here at this site. I have 2 beautiful children but we've always wanted to try for a third. So I was 10 wks pregnant last week exactly when I started to spot. Went into the hospital over the weekend and found out that I had a 5 wk old fetus. I was prepared for that I thought b/c I knew I could always try again and immediately thought about and started researching for when my hubby and I could start trying again. in front of family I was very strong, but any time I started to think about the fact that I had lost my baby I would start to cry. Today was the worst, I had this huge void in my heart all day. Saw pregnant women every where we went and just hated them.

I've always wanted another girl and I keep thinking to myself this was my girl that God sent me and took away from me. I get depressed thinking about this and I feel even stronger that I need and must have a baby girl in my life. I am being so silly I know b/c there are women out there who are just happy with a boy OR a girl, and here I am getting all upset about having a m/c and I already have 2 healthy boys. I don't want to feel this way but I can't help it. Sometimes when I think about the m/c I say to myself - I will just go and adopt a girl, I am done w/ this pregnancy thing, but the truth is of course I'd like to try again. I am so afraid that I am going to have to go through another m/c, I don't think I can cope with it emotionally. My hubby is supportive but I still can't get over it when I am on my own.

sorry this is such a long post, I had to get this out of my system. I don't want to tell my mom about my feelings and I haven't told any of my friends I was pregnant at 10 wks and I am not about to tell them now about my sad thoughts... thanks for reading.

 

[buffycat]

hey...

i am so sorry for your loss. Having a mc is so a traumatic time, both emotionally and physically. I don't have any chldren as yet, though i know that a mc is so awful.....i don't for one minute believe that your pain is any less than mine was......

i was 10 weeks too, only close family knew.....it was all such a heartbreak though.....

i'm here to pm and to send you a hug too

not sure where you are though......if you are anywhere near me, i would drive over too....

take care......

 

[ryansmom]

Dear Buffycat, thanks so much for your support. It's tough when you can't talk about this feeling of loss with anyone, b/c most people simply do not understand it unless they've gone through the same, and I also don't feel like getting into it when friends don't even know I was even pregnant.

I am feeling better today, after being in bed for most of the afternoon trying to get some rest. I have never felt like I needed some much resting until my m/c.

I wish you all the best on the road of TTC, it took me almost 2 yrs to conceive my 1st, and the second guy we didn't even try and had him. I really didn't expect to find out about m/c, especially not at 10 wks b/c it's so close to that 12 wk mark. I also didn't think it would happen to me, but I guess it's really that common isn't it.

hugs to you too. Thanks for your support again Buffycat. just what I needed.