Feeling like a failure

[Tiff]

It's been so hard with BF these past couple of weeks, as I mentioned in my other thread about the extreme pain in my nipple. I can't exclusivly BF on the other side as that was the side that Claire wouldn't take for the longest time and my milk supply isn't enough to satisfy her on it.

Last night was the final straw, I tried feeding her and pretty much shrieked when she started to nurse. I bawled, she cried and I felt like such crap because I couldn't do "the most natural thing in the world" anymore. I ended up giving her a bottle of formula this morning.

I feel like a failure, but in the same token I actually enjoyed feeding her this morning while she was having the formula. When I'd BF, I'd tense up and dread it as I knew how much it was going to hurt. However with the bottle I felt good, and relaxed. I'm conflicted as I feel that I *should* be breastfeeding, but it's just not working for me.

So far, Claire hasn't reacted badly to the formula. In fact, I haven't seen her this content after a feeding since she was born and getting the colostrum. I just feel somewhat brainwashed that formula is BAD and I shouldn't be giving it to her, and I'm dooming her to SIDS, allergies and that people are going to think that I don't love her enough to keep trying to BF.

I know what other people think shouldn't matter, but it's really hard for me. I feel like I've let her down by finally breaking down and starting the switch.

 

[Pyrrhic]

You are in no way a failure! You have managed to breast feed for a couples of weeks, and not only that but through pain. So many people wouldn't have kept trying, and you did. That does NOT make you a failure.

There is NOTHING wrong with formula feeding. If that is what makes you and claire happy then that is the most important thing. Claire will get everything she needs from formula, and she'd rather have a happy and relaxed Mummy.



Don't feel you have to make a decision right away, you can easily top up with formula if you want until you do. Just in case you want to keep BFing I would recommend expressing to keep your supply up but give yourself a break and don't put her to your breast for a bit. Trying to BF through problems is incredibly emotional, and I've spent nights crying with Niamh screaming so you're not alone hun.

No matter what you decide, it will be the best thing for you and claire. Your happiness is the most important thing.

 

[Serene123]

You have BF for the most important weeks of her life. You are NOT a failure. You are a wonderful mummy who is trying so, so hard. If you are happier FF then do it! No one is going to judge you. You have tried your hardest and you know what makes you and your little girl happy x

 

[ryder]

You are not a failure!!!

Anyone who tries to tell you that FF causes sids etc and all sorts of bad things does not know what they are talking about. Formulas nowadays are more then sufficient healthwise for your baby, and I guarentee that just as many BF babies get sick as FF babies. There are just too many other things in life that contriute to sickness etc.

You need to do what is going to make you both happiest, if you both are happy and enjoying each other while FF then you are not a failure. And the only thing you SHOULD be doing is enjoying your baby, no matter what way you feed.

The way you feel is one reason I get up with some people for trying to push BFing. I think everyone should try, but for it to come to this and a person feel that bad about not being able to do it is so sad.

 

[Serene123]

As for getting sick being FF etc, your little girl got all your antibodies in the first 2 weeks x

 

[BlackBerry25]

You are a wonderful mommy, and even more so for worrying She will be fine! And you can still BF if you want too, topping up with formula is just fine. I had the same break down and switched to formula and Helena is just fine and seems happier then ever!

 

[alice&bump]

aaw hun dont feel like a failure! as others have said, claire would far rather have a happy mummy! you might have already tried this, but have you thought about maybe expressing? at first with katie i used to express quite a bit and then give her the milk from the bottle just to give my boobs a bit of a rest, i found it wasnt as harsh on my nipples. that way its the best of both worlds, a happy mummy because her boobies arent hurting as much and cos she's still giving baby boobie milk like she wants to.

i know some people find expressing really painful tho, my mum couldnt do it. and if you do end up completely FFing, dont feel like you've let her down, she's had your boobie milk for the most important part xx

 

[Samantha675]

You are not a failure love! You did a wonderful job for your LO.

 

[Vickie]

You are NOT a failure! Don't think that at all

 

[XKatX]

You are NOT a failure hun. You tried so hard and everyne is different. I htink you show great courage for getting this far. And remember, the best thing you can do, is what is best for you and your baby. So many people FF feed these days, with no adverse affects. It is obviously the right thing for you to be doing, as you were both content and happy. Keep at it now hun and enjoy your new found happiness!
I wish you both luck for a happy future.
Now get your butt into gear and get some photos of you and your happy LO on the FF feeding photos thread!!!

 

[Pyrrhic]

How are you feeling today hun?

 

[polo_princess]

big big Tyff

 

[Tiff]

Thanks ladies

I'm feeling a bit better about it, although it's been hard telling people... people have very strong views on BF! For the most part I'm trying to just rise above it, it's much easier to preach from the pulpit rather than to actually practice the sermon.

Claire's doing great with the formula so far.... although I have a question:

We're alternating one bottle of formula for one feed, then for the next feed a bottle of breastmilk (I can only pump enough to get one feed every 4-6 hours) then back to a formula bottle. She's doing great so far with the formula, no diaper rash, spots or vomiting.

How should I do the full changeover? Over what period of time? I was thinking of continuing the 1 bottle formula and then bottle of BM for today, then tomorrow swapping out one of the bottles of BM for two days, then swapping out another. If she's tolerating a formula feed every other bottle, would it be safer to do it quicker?

I read somewhere that it's not great for their tummies to be alternating. Although not sure, as she seems to be doing fine with the formula. Time will tell I guess.

 

[lollylou1]

im not sure what to suggest hun as Annabelle wouldnt take to the breast so ended up formula feeding for the beginning, i just wanted to come and give you big hugs, im glad your feeling better.

Lou
xxx

 

[rubberchickuk]

hey hunny...hope your feeling better today...you are not a failure, but i know how you feel...im partially breastfeeding and bottle feeding too...health visitor said it should not be a problem and not confuse him. So when your pain goes away and if you keep your supply up you could feed her sparingly.
For me it gives me some comfort as any amount of bm is good for them.
And think of the wonderful work you did by feeding her for first few weeks.
I hate the emotions and that awful MUMMY GUILT you get
That doesnt go away hun....welcome to being a mummy.
Big for you xxxxxxx

 

[Brockie]

darling you are her mum and you know whats best, b-feeding doesn't work for everyone and the most important thing is that you feed your girl, wether breast or formula, and a happy mummy makes a happy baby xxx

forget feeling guilty or worrying about what other people think and start enjoying feeding her, this time will go so quick!

xxxx

 

[leeanne]

You are by no means a failure. You've done well, you are feeding your baby and taking care of your babies needs. I don't call that a failure one bit!