Feeling Lost and Confused

[C_C]

Hi all,
So its almost been 1 year since i had a miscarriage. My psychiatrist said that the grief is different for everything and for some people it lasts longer then others. Well since it happened I have been struggling. Not a single day goes by that i don't think about what happened. Every day something whether large or small reminds of what I lost or what I could of had.
At the moment I am really struggling with my friend being pregnant. I am super happy for her but I know I haven't been a good friend to her. I never message or call her to see how she is going, honestly i don't even want to.
She isn't the kind of friend who is good at having deep and meaningful conversations with and if I'm honest I suck at it too. I prefer to keep things bottled up rather than burden someone else with my problems.
So everytime she comes around and goes on and on about baby stuff I suck it up and pretend to be happy when on the inside all I want to do is cry. Everytime she sends me a picture of her baby bump or news on her pregnancy i rarely reply to her because all i can think of is that if I didn't miscarry I would have a little baby in my life right now!
Ive suffered with depression and anxiety most my life but recently have seeked the help I need but certain situations still cause me anxiety and pain. My friends baby shower is coming up next week, I'll definitely buy her a present for the baby even though buying baby stuff is going to make me sad. But I really don't think I can cope with going to the baby shower. I have no idea what to say to her though. I've been getting major anxiety lately over it. I hate it so much because I want nothing more then to be there through this amazing time but at the same time it pains me so much :'(
I really just needed to get this off my chest, could type away forever about how I'm feeling but this will do for now.
Any support and advice is welcomed.

 

[caz_hills]

Oh Hun I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. I too have suffered off and on from anxiety and depression for so many years. Last year i miscarried and the doctor described me after as having something similar to postnatal depression. The hormones are impacting you and it's so tough. I unfortunately also had PND after having my son too - he is now four so I'm susceptible to it I think.

All I can do is say what's worked for me. I do loads of mindfulness now- I got a great book with a cd and do meditation for ten minutes every day and it's changed how I feel. the mindfulness has helped so much.

It's so hard to see people who have babies - I know others comment in here about it too. Could you just Pop into the baby shower for a short amount of time and then make your excuses? Then you've gone but not stayed long?

Huge hugs x

 

[C_C]

Thank you for replying.
Its nice to hear from others who have been through the same thing. The only person I'v spoken about it too is my psychiatrist. Hardly even speak to my husband about it.

I like to listen to guided meditations on my phone when I get a chance but my dog ate my headphones haha.
I've noticed that the breathing techniques my psychiatrist told me to do do really help with my anxiety, but there are still times when it doesn't and all I want to do is hide in bed until I feel better

The baby shower is around lunch time I think but I do have to work that night so that could be my excuse...if i get the strength to go at all that is.
I'll definetly buy a present though so even if I can't make it at least I have a present.

Also we just bought a house and move into it a couple days before the baby shower so I'm going to a bit buggered from the move I think.

I'm going to try get in to see my psychiatrist beforehand and see what she thinks I should do.

I just hope that I don't feel this way towards other people pregnancies forever.!