Feeling lost...

[MourningGlory]

We went in for an ultrasound on the 13th. Baby measured 6 weeks 4 days. The heartbeat was a little low... 117. The technician said it should be between 120 and 150, but didn't seem worried at all. She just said we needed to come in for a follow-up appointment the following week to make sure everything was okay. She assured us that a heartbeat was a really good sign.

We went in Monday. I feel like such an idiot because I didn't even realize what she was saying. She said that she could see baby, but didn't see any movement. She couldn't find the heartbeat. Then she measured and the baby was still only 6 weeks 4 days. It was such a shock. I broke down. Then everyone kept telling me I hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't my fault. I had no control over it. It just wasn't meant to be. And it just hurts so bad.

This was my second baby and I started to show really early, so lots of people knew. And when you're so excited, you just can't keep it in.

I had a D and C yesterday. I bawled every second up to it. When I came out, I just felt kind of numb--emotionally numb. I got through the day today. I'm not in pain, I didn't cry. But now tonight it's all just kind of hitting me again. I'm in graduate school (I teach during the day), got home at 9 and my husband was already in bed. I know this is hard for him too, but I really needed his support tonight. It just feels like he doesn't want anything to do with me. How can he just be sleeping when I'm so so sad?

I have a beautiful, perfect little boy. I know that I should just be grateful to have him--I'm more than blessed. But I just feel like the world is crashing down on me right now. I had so much support yesterday. All my friends and family were calling to tell me how sorry they were and how much they loved me. But today I feel so alone. I know they're just trying to give me space to heal, but I just feel like I don't know how to reach out to anyone right now.

I just never expected this to happen. We were so excited. And now I just feel so empty and sad and lonely.

Have others felt like this?

 

[aviolet]

In one word, yes I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry to say this pain and this loneliness may stick around for a while - but it does get easier to cope with time communication is huge, try not to hold things in, if you can talk to your husband you really should - and you have to remember that if you don't say anything, he might be thinking you don't want HIM to say anything either, so speak up, if only so that he knows you need a hug or some comfort and a good cry. I wish you much peace to come very soon.

 

[B&LsMom]

Hi MourningGlory---I had my D&C today and was under general anesthesia--I'm glad that is how they wanted it to be as I'm not sure I would have been able to handle having it done awake--I got to wake up and it was over. I had my mom with me all day today and my husband did the grocery shopping and took our little boy with him to give us some quiet time as home. My mom has gone home now and my husband is playing video games---grrrrrr. He worked all day and took care of our son so I figure he needs some down time too--but really--it was just done today honey. I'm not sure how tomorrow will be for me, I took the day off from work, wont have to go back until Monday and I think that will be really good as I don't think tomorrow will be much more comfortable from the procedure--give yourself time to recover--would you be able to take some time off from your teaching?? and that sounds like such a long day to not get home until 9pm--I'm so sorry!! Take care of yourself. Having this website has been helpful for me just to know if my hubby is going to talk to me then I can lean on the wonderful ladies on this site. ~~~TINA