Feeling overprotective

[nnaime]

From early on (I'm 20+4 today) I've felt this extreme over-protectiveness over my baby. I get serious anxiety just thinking about everyone who might be there trying to hold him and God knows what. I know that this is irrational but I can't shake this feeling, everytime I think about it I panic. I'm not a social person by ANY means, but my family and his are very social and I can't imagine all the people they will tote to my hospital room.
Please set my mind at ease!

 

[6lilpigs]

You will need to make sure everybody knows your wishes early especially DH if he is your birthing partner. Let people know that they will be told when you are in labor but you do not want anybody at the hospital until they have been called to say you are expecting visitors. I have read so many times about how random relatives have literally walked in while mum has legs in stirrups being stitched up! Seriously tell people to keep their perfume to a minimum so that if you let them hold baby is isnt given back to you smelling like a tarts handbag, thats my personal worst thing

 

[Talia12]

I didn't want visitors (except my parents) in hospital at all, and I'm a seriously non confrontational person who is really bad at saying no to people, but having just given birth kind of spurred me on to just say no to people who wanted to come in. One friend was really put out because she wanted to come and see the baby before she had to go away for three weeks. And I still said no! Haha wish I was that brave every day.
Like pp said just put your foot down and make your wishes known. It's up to you who traipses in and who doesn't, at home as well as the hospital, so don't be afraid to tell people you're spreading the visitors out, ask people to wash their hands, etc.

 

[Teasangelmom]

I'm like that too, no visitors except my mom/dad the day after I give birth besides my husband obviously. Last time with DD1 my mil/fil just showed up after being told NOT to come and walked right in. I was naked and doing skin to skin with my daughter and unfortunately my husband was gone getting our overnight bags. Just ARG! So tell people your wishes, it's your body and your baby it's good to be protective! Give a list of names that ARE allowed to visit you in your room to the labor and delivery front desk staff and tell them unless the persons name is on that list they are not allowed in period. I'm doing that this time to prevent any problems!

 

[WackyMumof2]

You have every right to state if you want visitors, how many you want etc. The hospital will look after you. And if everyone picking up your baby makes you feel uncomfortable, voice it now and let people know to take this into consideration and to ASK you rather than helping themselves.

When I had my 3rd baby I stated NO visitors unless it was hubby and my other 2 sons. Even when I got home, Grandparents and our siblings only and it had to be a short visit. Anyone else I told I wanted a couple of weeks to move into a routine with baby first and they also had to call first. I was not prepared to have unannounced visitors.

 

[WackyMumof2]

You will need to make sure everybody knows your wishes early especially DH if he is your birthing partner. Let people know that they will be told when you are in labor but you do not want anybody at the hospital until they have been called to say you are expecting visitors. I have read so many times about how random relatives have literally walked in while mum has legs in stirrups being stitched up! Seriously tell people to keep their perfume to a minimum so that if you let them hold baby is isnt given back to you smelling like a tarts handbag, thats my personal worst thing

I refuse to tell people when I am in labour. Only hubby and those watching the kids know and then they are told to not say anything. I HATE people knowing I'm in labour or giving birth because you don't get any time to keep the birth a secret as everyone is expecting an announcement at birth. That and I really don't like the idea of people knowing I'm about to give birth. It just really creeps me out.

 

[krissie328]

I would get those boundaries set now. As a FTM I wasn't as rigid because I didn't know what to expect. Thankfully we were on a locked ward so only my DH was there. But I did allow visitors the next two days. It was miserable. This time I don't plan to have visitors at the hospital besides my mom who will be taking care of my son. Then maybe after we get home I will schedule people in as I want. I already know my in-laws want to come stay with us and I am going to say no, they can come for the day and leave that same day.

I get it though. I am due at the height of cold and flu season and I really don't want people around and touching my baby. With my son he was born in July so it wasn't quite so bad. But even then I preferred to be the one holding him.

It is your choice and people need to respect it, but you have to tell them and start early so they can prepare for it.

 

[nnaime]

Oof I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one. Hub thinks its insane that I don't want a billion people coming in holding my baby. Thank you ladies *hugs*

 

[Zephram]

Yep, I'm basically the same - no visitors welcome except my own children and brief visits from my parents and OH's parents if they insist. Otherwise they can wait until we're settled at home and only brief visits after the first week.

First time around BIL walked in unannounced whilst OH had gone to get lunch and I was sitting there butt naked attempting to breastfeed. It was so awkward!

You have to set expectations and be firm about it.

I also agree with PP about not telling people I'm in labour. We only tell babysitters, there is something weird and creepy about people knowing what's happening to your vagina.

 

[Koifish]

I agree make sure you let everyone know your wishes ahead of time. When you check into the hospital let them know that either you are not accepting visitors or that they must call you first for approval. I had mine where security had to ring me for approval. I don't want a ton of people there either. I had to make it very clear no one was to hold baby before I got to. Ito to overwhelming to have to many people there.

 

[Sarahcake]

It's your baby , your body and your birth. You do things how YOU want to.

If you don't want people to be holding baby, then ask them not to, so long as your polite, I don't think they can really take offence. If you don't want people at the hospital then pass a note to the front desk and ask them to say that your unavailable or not ready for visitors for those not on the list.

I have a couple of very pushy friends that are trying to come down from up north the day after I have baby girl. I'm having a section and I KNOW that I will not be ok to deal with that so soon after birth. I've told them that and I've actually been told 'Tough try and keep us away' - her own words, so I will be putting their names into the list of people I'm not allowing in. I love these pair to the end of the earth but they are high energy and very pushy and I can't deal with it. And that's my choice as it is your choice to turn away people. Have a word with your husband and see if you can set something clear boundaries now.

 

[nordicpixie83]

From early on (I'm 20+4 today) I've felt this extreme over-protectiveness over my baby. I get serious anxiety just thinking about everyone who might be there trying to hold him and God knows what. I know that this is irrational but I can't shake this feeling, everytime I think about it I panic. I'm not a social person by ANY means, but my family and his are very social and I can't imagine all the people they will tote to my hospital room.
Please set my mind at ease!

I like my space after having baby . No visitors at all the first 24 hrs expect DH obviously ! Then my older children and only our parents after that in hospital. I tend to keep other visitors at bay until we've been home a few days as well. Then it always has to be arranged at a time that suits ME AND THE BABY , nobody else. I don't care about their schedule or what they want . It's ME that's just had major surgery and ME that's breastfeeding this baby . Only YOU matter. I also insist that people wash hands and don't touch babies face or hands either,

 

[WackyMumof2]

I like my space after having baby . No visitors at all the first 24 hrs expect DH obviously ! Then my older children and only our parents after that in hospital. I tend to keep other visitors at bay until we've been home a few days as well. Then it always has to be arranged at a time that suits ME AND THE BABY , nobody else. I don't care about their schedule or what they want . It's ME that's just had major surgery and ME that's breastfeeding this baby . Only YOU matter. I also insist that people wash hands and don't touch babies face or hands either,

I'm the same as you except I will allow my children (won't be this time because I am fed out with their bullshit and lack of listening) as I don't need the added stress of 2 little shits who don't want to do as they are told and be thoughtful of other families on the ward. Grandparents AFTER the first 24 then everyone else by appointment only and at a time that suits me due to breastfeeding and wanting to rest. I'm very lucky I have such a supportive partner. He doesn't do any late nights with friends after 32 weeks and makes sure that visits are kept short and no one in our room for the first 6 months after birth either.