Feeling Pressured to Continue Pumping

[Shanslee]

My little man is almost five weeks old. I tried breastfeeding from the start, and even though he has a fantastic latch, he will NOT feed from the breast. So I have resorted to pumping for him, and that worked well during the first few weeks.

But over the past two weeks, my milk production has fallen off, big time. I am still pumping every two or three hours, but I am lucky to get a total 2-3 ounces over the span of an entire day. I have tried everything...power pumping, all the supplements, talked with a lactation consultant, drinking so much water I could float away, oatmeal and all of that...and no improvement.

At this point I am almost ready to quit. My nipples are sore, I am pumping for ten minutes on each side before I even get the slightest HOPE of a let-down, and thirty minutes of pumping on each side doesn't yield anything more.

So our son is now on formula, with some breastmilk mixed in. I'm not happy about this situation, but as the saying goes, it is what it is. He is healthy and thriving, and that's what matters most.

The biggest problem right now is my husband. He is very adamant that I continue to pump, no matter how little I am producing. He reminds me that we had intended to feed breastmilk for at least six months, and that even if my son is getting 5 mL a day, that's enough to justify all the pumping. He has made it clear he will be VERY disappointed in me if I choose to stop pumping before that six month point.

I am shocked by his attitude...he has always been 100% supportive of me in anything I do, and we always talk through decisions about our family. But this time, he's militant about the situation. He doesn't seem to care that I am pumping like crazy for so little reward.

It doesn't help that his mother is a lactation consultant -- and even though they no longer speak (long story there), she had a very militant attitude about breastfeeding too, so it has obviously been hammered into him over the years.

I don't know what to do. Today was almost the last straw...I am spending so much time pumping that I am sacrificing quality time with my son to try and get a few ounces. I think it's time to stop. But I dread the silent, passive-aggressive bullshit my husband will pull when he gets "disappointed" that I quit.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing? How did you handle it? I'm very tempted to tell him to just deal with it, but I don't need the tension around the house over this, and neither does our little one.

Any advice is most welcome, and thank you in advance!

 

[cutieq]

I was in your identical situation and actually just packed away my pump this week and told DH I was done. He reminded me "there were things I could do, supplements, etc" but I reminded him I tried it all and I can't spend anymore time, money or mental capacity on it. They don't realize what a toll it can take, especially when it's not going as expected. I gave myself a deadline and told my husband I'm going to try xyz for a few more weeks and if there's no improvement, I'm calling it quits. That was my way of showing him I was willing to try but also taking some level of control. He asked me to meet a LC before quitting, I did and still no improvement.

You need to talk to him about how it's making you feel physically and mentally. The LC actually encouraged me to try if I could but stop if it was affecting my ability to be a parent. It may take a few conversations but take control of the conversation and remind him it's your bodies and happiness when it's all said and done.

Sorry for the rambling but I'm pretty passionate considering I was in your shoes.

 

[cutieq]

I should also add don't be too hard on him. He's only trying to be supportive and encourage something that you planned to do and probably doesn't want you to feel like you quit. At least that's what mine said to me..

 

[crownest]

I think the key point you made is you sacrificing quality time with your son, not that you have to justify yourself but mention that's how you feel to your husband.

 

[noon_child]

There is more to breastfeeding than breastmilk, and part of it is time spent holding your baby, responding to his needs, looking at him and holding him close while feeding etc. all things we now try to encourage while formula feeding too so that LOs can get the benefit. If you are sacrificing those things because you are attached to a pump most of the day then the breastmilk LO is getting may not be as beneficial as your OH thinks it is.

It really does sound like Pumping isn't working for your body. At what point will your OH realise that the milk is running dry? When you've been on the pump for 24hrs without a drop to show for it?

The only thing I can suggest IF you want to try (but not if you are happy to bottle feed) is a SNS to try to encourage LO back on to the breast as baby nursing effectively is best for supply. Did the LC talk to you about retained placental tissue? Check for tongue tie or palate deformity in LO?

Good luck talking to your OH. He has a say, but not the final word. It is your body.

 

[Shanslee]

Thank you all for the kind words and suggestions. It makes me feel so much better about all of this.

cutieq: I'm sorry you had to go through this same thing. It sounds like you handled it very well! I have tried talking to him about how it makes me feel, and at first he seemed to completely ignore that. But yesterday I was so upset about it that I began pointing out EVERY time our son had to wait for something because I was pumping, or every time someone else (my husband or my daughter) jumped to take care of him, and even the time when he was lying there in his little basket talking to himself with no interaction...I sounded like a broken record, but I made my point crystal clear. I think it finally began to sink in a little.

Giving myself a deadline sounds like a good idea. Regardless of whether he agrees, I can't go on like this.

crownest: You're absolutely right. I really do feel far too much time is being taken away from my son, and that has to stop.

noon_child: Honestly, it sounds crazy, but I do believe that being hooked up to the pump for hours on end without something to show for it will finally be when my husband decides maybe this isn't working. Obviously that's ridiculous! But as long as I am getting something, anything, he strongly believes that I should keep going.

The LC did look over our son, and found nothing physically wrong with him. She suggested that he just didn't want to do the work -- he would latch and then become impatient almost immediately, perhaps because my let-down takes so long. The LC was very understanding and said sometimes it just doesn't work out, and that pumping was a good compromise. I was so relieved to hear it!

Thank you again for all the advice here. This morning I woke up determined to figure this out TODAY, because you know what? My little one is already five weeks, and he's growing so fast, and I don't want to miss a single moment. Breastmilk is good and wonderful, but I think having an engaged, present, happy mother is much better for him.