feeling really bad

[TryinFor1]

Dh has friends at work that we go out with quite a bit. We go to concerts, festivals, dinners, just out. We have asked them a couple times when they are going to start having kids because they have been married a while, they love/want kids, and they both replied with " hopefully soon we're just not quite ready!" We have only asked once, maybe twice, but definitely not more than that cause it gets annoying.

Just found out tonight that she went through a miscarriage a few months ago. I asked her maybe a month ago she didn't seem upset when I asked but I know how I felt when I had miscarried and now I just feel awful asking her. She is just always so interactive with lo, I really didn't think it was rude to ask her, especially them being our friends.

I won't ask her again, and I wish I never had. I know it's generally kind of a rude question but..given everything about them I really didn't think twice. I didn't realize they were trying as they always say they are not quite ready but maybe they have been?

I dunno. Just wish I wouldn't have asked her now and feeling kinda embarrassed for myself and sad for her. They are such great people, too.

 

[JadeEmChar]

Don't dwell on it too much, just be there for her and be her friend And if you feel the need maybe say that you are sorry for asking when they are going to have kids because you didn't know about her miscarriage. We all say silly things all the time.

 

[Laylagirl]

I can understand...some couples who are trying for a baby but haven't had any luck don't want to get into the issues of fertility so it's easier to say "not ready yet" "maybe soon", without having to get too personal because infertility or troubles conceiving can be an emotional topic...

I try not to ask people about having kids...I just leave it to them to bring up...whether they want them, or don't want them, without my actually asking... I'm sure a lot if the LTTTC women can relate to questions of "when" a lot better than I could, but I understand both sides...

But like pp said, don't dwell on it...just be her friend as usual...go out, have a good time... You're not a bad person... We all say things we regret...if this is one of them for you, don't sweat it... I'm sure she's fine..