feeling really down :( (sorry long)

[GemmaLeanne]

cant help feeling a little shit this week me and OH have been living together on and off for 2 years at my parents, and we are trying to get our own place before LO arrives, but now that im getting bigger and we have bought more things for LO there just isnt the room here so OH has gone to stay with his mum for a while.

only problem being his mums is right the other side of the city and untill our benifits sort out i have no possible way to get over to him and vice versa. i am seeing him monday fingers crossed if money gets sorted.. but it will have been a week since i saw him by then (the longest weve spent apart since we got together!) im so used to him sleeping next to me that iv really been struggling to sleep since sunday too.. its killing me im so tired and tearful its un real.

waking up in the middle of the night last night just made things ten times worse too.. because strangely enough i expected him to be there, and needless to say i got a bit panicked when he wasnt.. so im dreading gong to bed even more than before now thing is i can hardly ignore sleep, clearly needing it now more than ever.

i know its only temporary.. but it doesnt mean its not hard. i mean i havent acctually spoken to my OH since tuesday except on msn and facebook because his phone has gone dead and i have his charger here so its not like i even have the comfort of knowing i can get hold of him.

its not the end of the world i know.. but why am i finding it so bloody hard?! i really need a pick me up and i need it ASAP before i go crazy x

 

[holly2234]

I know just how hard it is. Its been nearly 6 weeks since ive seen my OH now and weve spent months apart at a time but we have to do it and its only temporary. For me, its even better when i do see him again and i appreciate the little things so much more when hes back. It wont be long and itll be worth it in the end!

 

[GemmaLeanne]

i couldnt imagine spending that amount of time away from my OH i guess im lucky in that sense. i think alot of it is just a case of getting used to it on my part.. because it doesnt seem to be bothering him much.. although i must admit he probably thinks the same about me as i havent told him how much its getting me down, i dont want him to feel like its his fault! and he deserves a break tbh.. i mean if i was him id enjoy time away from my hormones too! its not so hard in the day.. its not fun but i can occupy myself.. its just when night comes.. i hate going to bed on my own, its almost as though im scared to. i have never felt so anxious about sleeping in my life.. sad i know!
you are right though, it definately does make the time i do spend with him more special i have that to look forward to i guess xx

 

[holly2234]

When my OH left a few weeks ago i slept with his clothes on the other side of the bed so it didnt feel so empty. It was much harder to leave him at the airport and go back to an empty house and still see the stuff he left around and the subtitles still on the tv (think thats a hint that i talk too much when hes watching something!). Im ok now though because weve had to leave each other several times. It doesnt get any easier each time but at least now i know that hes coming back and every time i do go to bed, its one day closer.

 

[GemmaLeanne]

thats a nice way to look at it i never thought of it like that. i personally found it much harder going to bed after he had left as he had taken a majority of his things with him to his mums, so it was like hed been completely erased out of my room.. which was definately mind boggling to me after seeing his things dotted around for so long. He did leave me one of his tshirts and a pair of his tracksuit bottoms as he knows that when im feeling down or ill its what i like to mope around the house in.

i keep thinking to myself he might not be here but i have a part of him with me all the time that likes to kick the crap out of me to make me smile. and it does seem to cheer me up for a while, i might try leaving my tele on tonight for a bit of background noise see how that goes.

urgghh sometimes i think how much easier it was before i knew he existed and couldnt miss him, but then i remember that if he wasnt worth missing.. i wouldnt miss him in the first place men! xx

 

[holly2234]

Every time i open the fridge i see this massive jar of hellmanns mayo. Reminds me of him every time. I also buy things for him when he gets back. I got a shaving mirror a couple of weeks ago as he was always telling me he couldnt see to do it. And when i ate certain chocolate and stuff i knew he liked id mail a bar of it to him. Just little things really helps even though other people do probably think im loopy!