Feeling really down :(

[happyface82]

Hello girls!

You might remember me, I was here a while ago looking around as my baby had IUGR and there was a big chance she would be delivered early.

In the end my waters broke and I had her last Sunday at exactly 36 weeks so not bad in the end! Her weight was 2.400kg so really not bad at all and everything looked fine and I was soooo relieved!

We then took her home but had to take her back in on Saturday morning as she had sever jaundice. We were told she had to stay in which was so difficult after having her at home for a few days! Then on Sunday we were told she had some sort of infection in her intestine and she is still now on antibiotics with no food

I guess I just need someone who can understand what we r going through. Friends say to me "oh its nothing serious she'll be back soon" . . . but its not that I'm worried..I really miss her Its unbelievable how much. We are allowed to see her twice a day for 30 min only she is in an incubator with wires coming through. . . and I can't talk to her or take her in my arms.. Today was especially hard as she is so hungry and kept crying all the time... and there is nothing I can do. . .

I feel that we are missing out on her first days. . . and hate it. . and I feel so bad for not being able to be there for her. They keep having blood tests done and her little hands are blue now I can't stand it. . .

I'm sorry for the low post. . . I think these have been the hardest 3 days of my life.

 

[pink23]

aww hunny
its horrible seeing them in the incubator. how come you can only see her for 30mins?
we had nearly 24hour access.
so is there nothing they can give her if she's hunry. it would break my heart xx

 

[happyface82]

Thanks for the reply!

That's the rules here I'm afraid. I am in Greece at the moment so things work not the same way. . . We get 30 min at noon and another 30 in early evening. . . Its heartbreaking! They have a drip to keep her fluids up and yesterday she looked ok but today she really seems hungry! Especially in the evening we walked into the room and she was crying so loud we could hear her from meters away even though she is in the incubator! Its so hard. I really hope we see some improvement tomorrow.

I wouldn't mind that much if I could go in more often and hold her a bit... So I know she feels that I'm there for her. . . That's the worst part of it all really. The fact that she is left alone

 

[pink23]

im sending you lots of hugs. your so brave. How long will she be on antibiotics for? i bet the time goes quick when your by her side. i remember going up to see caleb and the time flew. i hated leaving him,i understand how you must feel but no one but yourself truely knows. just wanting to hold her, kiss her and tell her its going to be ok x

 

[happyface82]

How far along did you have Caleb? He is gorgeous by the way!!

They said they will start giving her some milk tomorrow if she is still better and hopefully if it goes well it won't be too long till she comes home. She needs to put some weight on though as she was 2.200kg this morning and I'm afraid she will be less tomorrow! Its exactly what you say, I just want to be able to hug her and tell her all is ok! I know she would feel so much better. . .! And I know it would make a world of difference to me!

 

[pink23]

caleb was born at 36+4days and went straight to neonatal for 4 days then special care for 10 days we had him home 9 days before xmas.
thats good news about feeding her. will she have it through a tube? i would hate leaving her if i knew she was hungry and theres nothing you can do. i know they are helping but it still hurts. xx

 

[happyface82]

They told me to call in the morning and if she is allowed to feed I can bring her some of my milk and they will bottle feed her. Then if she is doing well by the evening they might move her into another room and take her out of the incubator. This would be a blessing!

I guess you had the best Christmas ever!!!? I can only imagine!!

 

[pink23]

ye it was, but scary, worrying he would go back in x
Thats good your bottle feeding, because caleb had to go from tube to bottle but couldnt go home untill he was on bottle every 2-3hours.
She will be home soon enough. i cant say giving you sleepless nights because im sure you are up at night anyway x
That will be good for her to be in her own room. im sure shes a fighter x

 

[happyface82]

Hmm I know what you mean about being scared of going back in! I was thinking the same thing! She is so small and fragile its worrying!

Thanks so much for your support! I feel a bit better!

 

[pink23]

its ok , keep me updated hope tomorrow goes ok xx

 

[divadexie]

You are being so strong!
I would hate only being allowed in for 30 mins 2x a day and not being able to talk!!
So far I have missed 16 days with Anna she is only 1lb 6oz just now it will be a long time until I get cuddles but it must be so hard, having had your LO home to have her ''taken off you'' again.
Hope she is doing better tomorrow and can have some milk xx

 

[katy1310]

Awww, I can understand how you are feeling as our little Sophie is in NNU at the moment - she was born at 27 weeks and has been 7 weeks in there so far. I have spent the whole time feeling that I have missed out on so much despite the fact that some people tell me "she shouldn't even have been here yet so you wouldn't have met her yet anyway" - we have still missed the first few weeks of her life! I don't even really feel like she is my baby, as she is relying on so many other people looking after her.

I can't imagine how you feel already having had your baby home and then away back to hospital though, that must be so, so hard. I can't believe how little time you are allowed in as well We are allowed in all day up to I think 10.30pm but I don't manage to see Sophie every day as we live a 120 mile round trip from the hospital and i have no way of getting there every day - too expensive to get the train more than just as a one-off.

I hope you are ok and that you have your baby back home with you really soon xxxx

 

[happyface82]

Thank you so much for your replies!

I feel really bad complaining when I hear your stories as I am lucky to know it won't be for long. I know other people suffer so much more and I feel guilty even complaining!

Katy it must be so hard not being able to go as often as you would like to!

To update we went in this morning and she seems better still so they started giving her some water with glucose -only 10ml every 2 hours- and she seems fine with it so if she continues like that she will have some milk in the evening. She looked so much happier today as she had just had the 10 ml when we visited and had stopped crying and that was nice to see. She lost a bit of weight, she is no 2.130kg so hopefully she will start gaining soon as they won't let her go unless she is more than 2.100kg.

Things are looking up, but I can't get excited until they start her on the milk and she responds well!

 

[pink23]

dont worry about moaning your entitled to it xx we are here to support you xx
glad she is doing well and she has had something to stop her crying xx