feeling robbed

[alibaba24]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to write this down as iv been feeling strange the past week or so. Basically iv been getting so excited with my bump buddies having there babies i cant contain myself But it kinda makes me think of how Rosalie arrived. And although im so lucky to have her home and her only be in scbu a month which i know some of you mummies & daddies have endured alot longer. I just think back and when i was told i was going to be admitted and have her within a few days there was no excitement only nerves and worry. Then when she was here there was no excitment only is she ok whats going to happen now i spent all my time texting people her tiny birth weight and what scbu were doing with her and NO i didnt know when shed get home. i dunno i just feel kinda like i missed out on the bonding and the excitment of my first baby! theres no room to be yourself a new mummy your child is in special care and you have to do as they say. I remember sitting in the post natal ward and all the new mums with there babies chattin away about bathing and bf. As i just sat with my take a break wondering when i could be wheeled round to scbu! And im sitting looking into the incubator and this tiny little mite and thinking this is not how i expected to feel its like i went into robot mode ? Now shes home the bonding is amazing i always chat to her and give her millions of little kisses i love her sooooo much but those early days looking back...just were not good

anyone else feel this way? sorry for rambling on

 

[Marleysgirl]

I was lucky when I was on post-natal in that I was in a private room, so didn't have to endure seeing happy mums and their babies. And nobody ever really sat in the dayroom to chat.

Andrew's first three months of life, on NICU, were a very specific experience and form a very special memory, but one of a stressful time for all of us. Although I'm not shutting them out, I've kinda divided them off from my memories of him as a baby.

He came home two days after due date, and our family life started at this point. Serious mummy-baby bonding only started just before this time, when I was rooming in. I don't feel like I missed out time-wise, I should only have started getting to know him around that time anyway.

Does that make sense?

 

[alibaba24]

yeah that does make sense, I guess im just feeling like its all kinda hitting me now which is a bit strange im just so glad shes home though even though i missed the birth and immediate bonding part i have the best bit now ill just have to think of it that way xx

 

[AP]

i sure feel robbed too. it hurts like hell. but i often tell myself that Alex was just never meant to be what they call full term- it wasn't in her destiny. and i get by on that.

 

[alibaba24]

i sure feel robbed too. it hurts like hell. but i often tell myself that Alex was just never meant to be what they call full term- it wasn't in her destiny. and i get by on that.

glad im not alone feelin that way it must have been alot harder for u 2 at 27 weeks i cant imagine xx

 

[CazH]

Feel just like you next time I wanna be HUGE get piles swollen ankles stretch marks the lot!!!!!!!!!!!! Never got a bump for people to know i was pregnant think my neighbours thought i had adopted this baby!! But think of our amazing birth stories we have and our little ones will have when they are competing with others in school of how big they were and how they arrived!!

 

[sue247]

My son is 3 now (born at 28 weeks) and i can understand exactly what you are saying. I felt robbed, the first few weeks i was just terrified whether he would survive or not and that took away my joy at becoming a mother. My son did not have the same start full term babies had. My first few weeks, whilst most new mothers were taking their babies to the park and enjoying them at home, was spent staring at him in his incubator for 12 weeks.

But I agree what you are saying Marleysgirl, they would not have been with us yet anyway. But it was so hard watching him in pain with some of the procedures, and i would feel guilty he was not safe in my womb instead.

 

[AP]

its weird, i met a pregnant friend the other day and it was mad to see her lovely bump, shes telling me all the stuff the midwife does on her checks. And i'm like "what does that mean? Why do they do that?" And I feel like a fraud, i've been pregnant, and no knowledge or anything physical to show for it???!!!

 

[katy1310]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to write this down as iv been feeling strange the past week or so. Basically iv been getting so excited with my bump buddies having there babies i cant contain myself But it kinda makes me think of how Rosalie arrived. And although im so lucky to have her home and her only be in scbu a month which i know some of you mummies & daddies have endured alot longer. I just think back and when i was told i was going to be admitted and have her within a few days there was no excitement only nerves and worry. Then when she was here there was no excitment only is she ok whats going to happen now i spent all my time texting people her tiny birth weight and what scbu were doing with her and NO i didnt know when shed get home. i dunno i just feel kinda like i missed out on the bonding and the excitment of my first baby! theres no room to be yourself a new mummy your child is in special care and you have to do as they say. I remember sitting in the post natal ward and all the new mums with there babies chattin away about bathing and bf. As i just sat with my take a break wondering when i could be wheeled round to scbu! And im sitting looking into the incubator and this tiny little mite and thinking this is not how i expected to feel its like i went into robot mode ? Now shes home the bonding is amazing i always chat to her and give her millions of little kisses i love her sooooo much but those early days looking back...just were not good

anyone else feel this way? sorry for rambling on

Hi, so sorry to hear you feel this way. I have not yet had my baby, but have been told this week that I am definitely going to have to deliver early due to pre eclampsia (well at the moment they are just saying it's all pointing to the onset of pre eclampsia) - have to have daily scans etc, had 2 nights in hospital over the last week and they say they are hoping to get me to 30 weeks but the baby could come any time from now, as soon as they feel he or she is not doing well staying in. What you described is exactly all my fears about having a baby in SCBU, giving birth by c section and not getting to hold or see the baby, and seeing other mums with healthy full term babies. I am already struggling every day when I go to the hospital and see mums and dads taking their new babies home. I dread to think what I will be like when I am told it's time to deliver and I have to transfer to the royal in edinburgh where I've never even set foot inside, and have a c-section which is scaring me, then not getting to see the baby, not getting that first bonding, breastfeeding, photos etc. I am also terrified in case our baby doesn't make it. I have been on such a rollercoaster of emotions this week and I just feel so scared. I know I have to try to keep positive for the little one but it's just so hard. I'm really glad to hear you have your little baby home now though and can start enjoying her and bonding properlyxxx

 

[Foogirl]

I felt it too. I still do sometimes. But she is what she is and I'm glad I have her.

Have another read of the "best things about having a preemie" thread - that should cheer you up a little

 

[sue247]

its weird, i met a pregnant friend the other day and it was mad to see her lovely bump, shes telling me all the stuff the midwife does on her checks. And i'm like "what does that mean? Why do they do that?" And I feel like a fraud, i've been pregnant, and no knowledge or anything physical to show for it???!!!

I can so relate to this! I barely even had a bump, and did not experience being heavily pregnant. Now that i am newly pregnant, it is almost like being pregnant for the first time as past 28 weeks (well up to 23 weeks really was 'normal' for me as i was in hospital at 23 weeks) i have no idea what to expect. I had dates to attend my anti natal classes and did not even get to go. I know although i missed out some of the hardest parts of being pregnant (getting big and uncomfortable) i feel like a fraud too that I did not go through it(and would have mean't things being easier for my son his first few weeks too).

 

[sue247]

Also, don't know if anyone else can relate to this. But when my LO came out of hospital he was tiny and around 4 pounds (at 3 months), through worrying (he did not eat well and had reflux) and just wanting him to catch up and do well i was so pre occupied with this i did not enjoy him as a baby as much as i should have.

 

[AP]

woah sue i know, you worry about feeding soooo much u just cant relax.

katy have a look at that thread..... we have special things full term mums wouldnt experience....

 

[dippy dee]

My past 4 now have been preemies and yes hun i know how you feel, i feel like i missed out but on the oher hand i've turned it around and made good out of it, some moms have lo's and they are so cute but with our lo's been early we not only got to see how cute they are but we got to see what amazing miracles and true fighters they are, that's how i see it anyway.

 

[Anna Barry]

Hi,

No you are not alone, i am the Mum of a 25 weeker and spent 3 months in NICU with Neave. What made things hard was the fact that 3 of my friends were pregnant at the same time and having that normal experience i craved. When i was in hospital i felt jealous of all the mums carting their babies around, however what got me through was thinking positively and being thankful that Neave was lucky enough to make it, i am so grateful for her and do not take a single minute of her for granted which i may have done if i didn't go through this. It is normal to feel bad about not having the normal experience but don't let it get you down.xxxx

 

[andik]

I felt robbed in a number of ways, for example not having the chance to experience a full pregnancy and not even having a picture of my bump, having to go home alone, the list goes on. I read that this is a normal experience and is basically the equivalent of grieving for the pregnancy and labour etc you had planned for. That made a lot of sense to me and I allowed myself to get upset and work through it and by being able to explain it as a grieving process to my OH meant he understood me alot more too!

 

[nursejackson]

I agree this is a normal way to feel. I have a 5 year old that was a full term baby I was actually induced with so I got the experience ofa vaginal birth etc. But I still feel the same way you do when I had the twins. They had a discharge class for new mothers and I refused to go because I didn't want to be in the same room with other moms that were taking their babies home and I wasn't taking mine. I just try not to think about it and be blessed that my babies are here and progressing. A lot of woman lose babies so I am blessed mine are alive and breathing.